FACETIAE.

Evening Post, Volume XIII, Issue 36, 12 February 1876, Page 5 (Supplement)

FACETIAE.

Why is a drawn tooth like things forgotten I—Because1 — Because it is onfc of the head. The Cheapest of La.wy.ers. — Keeping one's own council. . A Trade that Soots Everybody — Chitnuey sweeping. • • The Wesleyan Mettodisfc has invented a new name for an old lady : it calls her a " roatriarclv" What are they which, though always drunk, are never intoxicated 1 ? Toasts. To prevent her lover withdrawing : from his promise, a young lady from the North always introduces him to i her friends as "My iu tended husband." : : ■ " Tommy, what is longitude 1" " A i clothes line, father." " Prove . it, • Tommy." " Because it stretches from i pole, to pole," .said young Hopeful. Among the conditions of sale by an > auctioneer in a midland county was i the following :—": — " The highest bidder [ to.be the buyer, unless some geutje- - man bids more." i A young lady who lately gave an i order to a milliner for a bonnet, said > — "You are to make it plain, at the » same time smart, as I have to Sit in > a conspicuous place in church." The Timaru Herald, having in mind the want of house accomodation that exists in | Weliugton while Parliament is sitting, ' and the exorbitant charges made by the i lodging - housekeepers at that season, [ su guests that a large club house, capable of affording accomodation to 70 or 80 families, should be erected, and that it should 5*5 * be leased for an hotel during the recess. We understand that some gentlemen have j already begun to take steps iv the matter', i - During the recent debate in the-Victorian Houae of Assembly, while the AttornwyGeueral was addressing the House on the ' motion for a dissolution, some disapproval i was expressed in 'the strangers' gallery, 5 and one individual called out in a loud , voice, " They're like a lot of Choctaw ' Indians." The Speaker at once communi- • cated with the Sergeant-at-arms, and the i result was that' two persons were arrested, and conveyed to the " dungeons " of the House pending the decision of hon. mem- ' bers. They were released subsequently 5 with a caution not to offend again or they ■ would be sent to the common gaol. ■ The Timaru Herald states that harvestl ing operations are^now in full swing in the. neighborhood of Timaru. and during this week will become general in all parts of 1 the district. The demand for good hands ■ -far exceeds the supply, and many of the I farmers are suffering great inconvenience 5 in consequence. Despite the unfavorable L weather experienced toward the end of II last month* most of the crops are looking • well, and a fair average yield is expected. } There is some chance that the Kpsom murderer will be given up. The Alexandra correspondent of the New Zealand Herald, who is on good terms with niany of the • leading Kingites, has visited the Hauhau ) country, and has explained to the Kihgite 5 chiefs the particulars connected with the late horrible murder at Epsom. In reply, ' they expressed their disgust at such a " murder, which, we suppose, has nothing to I justify it in a Maori's eyes, and promised l that if he came within the King's boundary he would be given up. - ' :With reference to the . mountain road ■ .from Fatea to Taranaki, the Patea Mail i says :—": — " We recently heard a good deal as to the Mountain Road being at once opened for stock traffic, but such seems as far off as ever. At the end of last week, a flock of some 500 sheep were being driven along it, when the Maoris stopped them, and refused to allow the driver to proceed further. The reason given for this was, that they (the Maoris) were- Ba wing grassseed along the line of road, and that the sheep -would destroy it. Sir Donald M'Lean was communicated with ou the subject, but we have not heard of any.thing further being done."