FUN AND FANCY.

Dunstan Times, Issue 2677, 4 August 1913, Page 8

FUN AND FANCY.

“She left me for some motive or Even if money is called hard cash it’s a nice thing to fall back on. Be busy and attend to business —but be sure it is your own business. Housewife (to applicant for position of gardener): You are, of course, strictly sober? Applicant; Yes, mum, often, another.” Probably another.”

Fresh Youth: Haven’t I seen you somewhere, sometime? She: Quite likely I I was there then! Bessie; He is very impudent. He put hia arm round, me twice. Jessie: Humph! he must have had a very long arm.

Mrs Homestopper: Did you ever see a Hindoo idol, Mr Trotter? Mr G. Trotter; I never saw ’em *ny other way. They’re always idle. “Is Jinks well off?” “Yes; but he does not realise it. He is to be married in June.”

Little Willie: What is a lawyer, pa Pa; A lawyer, my son, is a man who induces two other men to strip far » fight, and then runs off with their clothes.

Smith: Hello, Oohen. I understand you’re doing well over in Newark. Cohen: Yes, I’m an alderman. Smith: Honest? Cohen: Veil, rat’s d© difference?

Miss Passay: Yon may aneer at pet dogs, but they’re faithful anyway. I’d rather kiss a dog than soma men. Mr Sharpe; Well, well, some men ar« bora lucky. Wishing to assure their customer* of liberal treatment, a firm of butcher* in. a country village displayed this astonishing sign—“ Our motto Live and Let Live.”

“I wouldn’t associate with ham. I understand he’s served a term in prison.” “That’* true, but it was for an offence involving a million dollar* or more; nothing really disgraceful, you know.” Harold; You don’t believe I love you P Susie: No; you don’t heave your chest like the lover* dio in the moving pictures. He (making poor headway): Will nothing induce you to change your mind and marry? She: Another man might. “Do you believe,” she asked, “that a genius can possibly be a good husband?” “Well, he modestly replied, “I would prefer not to answer that question. But my wife ought to b© able to tell you.” Prospective Employer (perusing references) ; Have you any knowledge of the silk and satin department? Applicant : Spent all my, life among ’em, sir.” Prospective Employer: And,sheets and blankets?” Applicant (forcibly): Born, among ’em, sir. “Why is it,” asked the our knur guest, “that poor men usually give larger tips than rich men?” “Well, sir,” said the waiter, who wia* something of a philosopher aa well, “look* as if the poor man don’t want nobody to find out he’s poor, and the rim man don’t want nobody to find out he’s rich.”

“Every man ought to save Tip enough to buy himself a good big farm,” said the thrifty citizen. “Tea,” replied Farmer Oorntossel;' “and then do something else with the money?" Ella: Mrs Giayboy looks very sad since, she divorced her husband. Bella: Yes. she didn’t know what a good husband she had until she saw now generously, ho behaved about the alimony. The story as told of a college professor who was noted for his concentration of mind. The professor was returning home one night from a scientific meeting, still pondering over the subject. He had reached his safety when ho heard a noise which seemed to come from under the bed. “Is some one there?” he asked. “No, professor,” answered the intruder, who know the professor’s peculiarities. “That’s strange. I was positive some one was under my bed," commented tlie learned man.