HUMOUR

Dunstan Times, Issue 2316, 8 January 1906, Page 6

HUMOUR

Anybody can be good and yet good for nothing.—Ram’s Horn. Some people aim so high that their arrows cut nothing but the air. This would be a much better world if more people would take their own advice.— Dallas News.

Of all the things in the world that are ‘ better late than never ’ going to bed certainly ranks first.

After a man passes forty he can help his children most by saving up money to care for himself in his old age.—Atchison Globe. Behind the Scenes. —First Judge : Breach of promise still running ?—Second Judge ; Going wonderfully. No standing room. What are you doing?— First Judge: A building contract. Wretched business; not a soul in the place !

Dick—Congratulate me, my dear boy ! Miss Diamond has accepted mo ! Bob You don’t say so ! But, como to think of it, it isn’t so strange, after all. She has always declared that men are all alike.—Boston Transcript. Wanted a Legitimate Occupation—Magistrate—Why did you enter that man’s house and rob his safe? Prisoner—Please your Honor, I was only trying to raise a little money to buy meself a positiou on the police foorce! —Puck.

*lt must be pretty hard work pounding the pavement with that great rammer,’ said the idler. ‘ Sure,’ said Mr. Grogan, ‘it is not the droppin’ av the thing on the shtones is the har-rd wor-rk at all. It is the liftin’ av it up.’—lndianapolis Journal.

Political Wisdom —‘ Things is gettiu’ mighty mixed, Mandy,’ said Farmer Corutossel; ‘mighty mixed.’ ‘What’s the matter ?’ The politicians air all tryin’ ter tell the farmers about farmin’ an’ the farmers air tryin’ ter tell the politicians about politics.’—Washington Star.

Friend— ‘ Why did your temperance society discharge the Terrible Example.' liev. Mr. Cohhvater— 4 Ho was continually referring to the seductions of a particular brand of beer to which he attributed his ruin; and we found he was being paid to advertise it.’

4 1 believe I’ve lost my wits,’ said a worried husband fa his wife. 4 Indeed? I didn’t know yon had any to lose,' she answered sarcastically. 4 Oh, yet dear, I had some once.’ 4 Wei), I never observed them.’ ‘ No, love. T lost them just before I met you.’ He didn’t want to say it, but she drove him to it.

Security—A five-year-old girl had been attending Sunday school for several weeks, learning weekly to repeat the golden texts. A few days ago her mother had occasion to administer a severe reproof, when the little one looked up undismayed, and slowly and calmly observed, 4 The Lord is on my side ; I will not fear.* It was her golden text of the Sunday previous. s-Boston Herald.

Composer : 4 1 have here a song that I think will recommend itself to the musical critics ’ Publisher : 4 Musical critics ! Oh, no. If it pleases the office boys, it’s a go; if not, not. We know our public, sir !’

Contributor— 4 Pretty poem, isn’t it?’ Magazine editor— 4 Yes, very ; but we can’t publish it.’ Contributor— 4 Why not ?’

Magazine editor— 4 Why, anybody can tell at the first reading precisely what it means.’ - A 4 Hullo, Brown, what’s wrong w-.ch you !’ 4 Oh, I feel very seedy ; feel as if I’d got one foo.t in the grave, and ’

‘ Well, you’ll have to get the cemetery enlarged-before you get them both