CLIPPINGS FROM THE DUNSTAN PUNCH

Dunstan Times, Issue 242, 14 December 1866, Page 3

CLIPPINGS FROM THE DUNSTAN PUNCH

A manuscript copy of this journal, said to be its first number, was found the other morning in our letter box ; we have extracted the following for the benefit of our readers. Enquirer.— The Town-Clerk of Clyde was not dismissal hy the Council for what he had done, but for what he did not do. Thick Headed Correspondent.—The M'Pherson advertise':', as one of the Stewards of the Dunsl an Races, is not the Honorable Donald M'Pherson, member for Manuherikia. ■ It is stated that the new asylums for hard-up diggers will be erected at Poverty Point and Drybread. -*■ The ' Daily Times' docs nol report the speech of the lion, member for Manuherikia when he seconded Mr Haughton's motion, on the excess of expenditure in the matter of the contract price of the Queenstown Jetty. Punch is afraid that if Toby is put upon the staff of the ' Dunstan Times' as Cromwell corresprndeit, he will, on account of the scarcity of b;ef in that district, stand a good chance of b starved ; or at least, he will be liable to suffer the indignity of soliciting relief from the Mayor.' Punch's Clyde correspondent says—"There was a great rumpus at the Nnecial meeting of the Council, on the 4*h inst. The Mayor and Councillors hav'n r assembled in solemn conclave, the former seated at the head of the table, looking through his spec tides as grave as an owl at midday, informs the Council that the Town-Clerk has taken French leave, and recomended that something should be done. Consternation seizes upon all present, and a search being instituted the alarming fact is revealed that the books are almost in the same state as when they left the binders. The dismissal of the Town-Clerk is recommended, and that functionary is forthwith deprived of office. Prompt measures were at once taken to secure the property of the Council, and to frustrate any attempt of invasion of the Town-Hall, by the Trwn-Clcvk should that individual seek to obtain a forcible entrance. Councillor Shavings rushed frantically to his workshop and returning with hammer and nails secures the windows and door's of the IJuilding against the assaults of the enemy. Councillor Clockwork grabs the town-seal and bears it exultingly into a place of safety. Councillor Narrow Tape does the same with the carpet, window blinds, and door mat. Councillor Sugar Plum bears off the Cheque and Bank Book. Councillor Paste and Scissors the Municipal Corporation's Act and other printed records. The Mayor grabs his spectacles and snuff box, and taking up a commanding position in the door-way, calmly views what is passing, quieting his excitement by twitching his nasal organ with frequent and rapid applications of the best Scotch mixture. The Municipal property being secured, the Mayor drives home to Monte Christo, and quitness reigns around." Respectiig the,earthquake the same correspondent says—" That it was sensbly felt by the carpenters engaged in making improvements at the Dunstan Hotel, bottles of P.B. and other good things came tumbling off the shelves, the contents of which were only saved by being imbibed, to the great comfort of the spoilwocds, and loss to the landlord. At the Clyde and National Hotels there was great destruction of crockerywarc, the several cooks and scullery maids were exonerated from blame on that day. At the Police Camp the doors of the lock-up flew open, and had it not have bben for the unremitting oxertions of the police all the prisoners must have escaped, and the sudden calling to arms of the Clyde Volunteer Corps was happily averted. Punch's Cromwell perepetitic correspondent says—"That the Finance Committee have at last resolved to discharge the liabilities of the Council. It was quite a mistake to suppose they had placed the LSOO out at interest, or' that they had lent it to the Corporation of Duncdin to prosecute dredging operationa in the Harbor with." 1

The same genus also says—" That the Mayor has been awfully Badgered lately respecting the Barry-er placed upon the admitting of cattle into the Cromwell district, by the Superintendent's late proclamation. His Worship had been well nigh Kidd-cd on to send for stock from his estates in Sydney., and to place thorn upon the Whetter portions of the Marsks of the Upper Clutha near Strat Ford." Punch cannot vouch for the truth of the rumour that when Sir George Grey visits the Dunstan he will sail up the Molyheux to Cromwell, in the punt belonging to the honorable member for Manuhcrikia. Roaring Meg and Gentle Annie will in all probability uot be introduced to His Excellency.