FUNNIOSITIES.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 4174, 6 December 1884, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

A contemporary devotes some space to '' Good Advice to Idle Young Men." We would simply advise them to go to work. Cockroaches, it is said, have 3000 teeth. As much as we hate the creatures we should pity a cockroach with the toothache. Among the most blessed of all the contrivances of Nature is that which prevents a man from being disturbed by his own snoring. ~ -, . , Old Lady—" Only think, one missionary for ten thousand cannibals V ' Young Lady "Mercy, they must have terrible light appetites or awful missionaries !" Timmins (down for tho day at the sea (side, and only just in time for the ebb tide): " Why, Ann, (hinged if they hain't a-lettin' t'watter off. An Australian lady married to an Kalian prince a year ago lias already left him. Some Australian girls are too proud to travel around with a tambourine all diiy. The first thing that tho Puritans did when they landed in America was to fall upon their knees ; the next was to fall upon the aborigines. Among- recent patents is a pocket "storm indicator." Every married man of convivial habits should have one, and keep it in the same pocket with his night-key. Well-dressed stranger (to loafer in Collins street)—" Will you kindly direct me to the nearest bank ?" Loafer (with infinite scorn) , "No, sir ; do you think I am an Oriental bank director ?" Nigger: "I say, Sambo, I sec that naughty boy deliberately steal a goose from Jones's." Sambo: " Bad fellow—what ('id you do ?" Nigger :"I give him a good sound thrashing, the greedy young thief, and took tho goose homo and ate it." A good story is told of a man selling a horse" and the would-be purchaser, inquiring as to his leaping powers, asked," Would he take timber V ' '' He'd jump over your head," was the answer; "I don't know what you call that." _ A German newspaper.contain 3 the followinjr advertisement:-" If Charles Frankerbcrger will either call or write to Karl Schmidt, on the Kaiser Strassc, No. 26, ho will hear something to his advantage. His wife is dead." _ '~...... . AVife (anxiously)—" What did that young lady-observe who passed us just now? Husband (with a smile of calm delight)— "Why my love, she observed rather a fl-ood- looking man walking with quite an elderly female, that's all. Ahem. "I mctX oil the avenue this afternoon with his bride. They have just returned from their wedding tour." "Where are, they "•oing to live ?" "I don't know. He told rac he had been house-hunting since yesterday morning, and.intended to take a flat." .."Ahl indeed ;• ho lias decided to follow his wife's example!" . Heard in Little Collins street:— Irate individual — " There, there ; I've heard onouo-h. You keep your mouth shut or 111 knock a little sense into you." The man spoken to, slapping his hat over his eyes, and .dancing wildly around-" You! you knock a Uttie sense into it! You! Why a dozen men couldn't do it, much more you. >