I'LL TAKE A GROSS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3188, 16 September 1881, Page 4

I'LL TAKE A GROSS.

While the propretor of the Mnison Dore New Y~>rk, was standing behind the counter the other day, catching flies for currant "aire, and wishing that a little of the business wave that the Eastern papers say so ■nuch about would slop over into his restaurant, as ifc were, a young man with a Seaming smile on his face and a bighc_. under his arm entered. ' Don't want any sleeve buttons, nor nothin',' growled the dyspepsia distributor, glancing afc the box. ' No, nor I,' said the stranger, affably, depositing the box on the counter and removing the lid. ' Bub what you do want is the greatest invention of recorded time — the restaurant-keeper's friend —the boarding house keeper's salvation !' ' "Roach poison ?' said the steak stretcher, contemptuously. ' No, sir,' retorted fchG*yoi;:i2 man, taking a handful of singularly-shaped objects out of the box. ' Something that, beats the phonograph and the telephone all hollow. I refer to the " Skidmore chop !"' ' What's that ?' ' Why, it's the most economical device of modern times, and I'll prove ifc right here. Suppose you are serving a dinner to say a dozen persons ? Now how many chops do you usually pufc on the table ?' ' Well, about two a piece, say twelve.' ' And how many are eaten !' ' Hum ! about four.' ' Exactly ; that is aboufc the average, as our re9taui*anfc statistics show. Asa matter of course, however, you are compelled to cook three times as much as you need, to make a show. Now, if you could save six chops every dinner for ayear it would amount to—' ' A fortune,' said the man of cutlets, eagerly. ' All we can do with 'em now is to work 'em over into hashes.' ' Peace to your hashes,' said the agent; ' all the ruinous waste is now prevented by the intoductinn of some dish of the patent Skidmore Tndesto'uotible Rubber Chop, pufc tip in packages of one dozen and warranted for five years :' and the food economiser exhibited some life-like imifcitations of cooked mutton chops, ' Looks like a good scheme,' said the conductor of stews thoughtfully j 'but don't the customers ever —' ' Ever tumble-? Nofc in the least. He only notices that one chop is tougher than the other, and finally gets his fork in and chews ahead. The smaller ones come higher, as they are made of a little more limber article of rubber for lamb chops. Can't be told from the genuine by the naked eye. All you have to do is to greese 'em on both sides, warm 'em up a little, and serve them mixed in with the others same as usual.' ' Seems like they are about as tender as the regulation kind,' said the restanranter, jabbing one with a fork. ' Don't they ever get eaten by mistake P' ' No—no—that is, not now. We did lose a few that way when introduced, but now that we make the material tougher, ifc don'fc happen any more unless they will swallow them whole. Why, here's a specimen that's been in use in a Chicago eating saloon there for years, night and day, and you can't see a first tooth print in it yefc.' c That settles it,' said the restauranter, ' I'll take a gross.' ' I thought you would,' said the chop agent, as he took down the order and emphatically declined an invitation for some lunch. ' I will drop around in a few days and show you samples of some soft white rubber lobsters we are getting up especially for the country trade—make the best article of indesfcructable salad ever known,' and he shouldered his box and walked off in the direction of Baldwin's Hotel.—Detroit Free Press.