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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3006, 12 February 1881, Page 5 (Supplement)

The trouble about taking a medicine warranted to cure all diseases is that it may not know exactly what is wanted of it, and in that case it will go fooling around in the system trying to cure you of some disease that you have not got.

The following is told of a young gentleman who was passing an examination in physics. "He was asked : " What planets ,vero known to the ancients?" " Well, sir," he responded, " there were Venus and Jupiter, and (after a pause) I think the earth, but I'm not quite certain."

An American millionaire not long since visited Europe. A travelled friend asked him what he had seen, mentioning all the noted sights ; among other places he inquired if ne had seen the Dardanelles. "Oh, yes," replied moneybags ; they dined with us the last night we were in Paris !"

Philological Contra dues.— K. gentleman having an appointment with another, who very seldom kept his "ma, to his great surprise found him wailing, and thus addressed ])j m —" Why, f see ,you are here first at t~st. You. were always behind before, but I am happy to find that you have become early of late."