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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 2982, 15 January 1881, Page 4

"If"—He stood twirling his hat in his hand in the hallway. It was about time for morning stars to begin their songs together. " Well," and he moved one step nearer the door.—" Well," she replied, as she stepped to the door also.—" Well, I—l must be going. If "That's right, John, if," and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "If —you —have—any—conundrums—to ask, — ask—them—now." He was measured for a new hat and a pair of gloves on that same day.

He was a well-intentioned youth, says a Yankee editor, but they should not hare apprenticed him to a music-seller without ascertaining whether he had any aptitude for the business. When a charming young lady stepped up to the counter and asked for " Two Kisses," he gave them to her heartily, and began to think his lines had fallen in pleasant places. But he cannot understand why a stalwart fellow has ever einco been hovering rouud the shop door with a big stick in his hand.

" Is fishing with angle-worms a cruelty ?" was the subject of a recent debate in a Wisconsin lyceum. We should like to see a ver-bait-'em report of that discussion.

Inquiring mmd (reading)—lt says here, ma, " His remains will be taken to their last resting place. Why do they say " his remains ?" —wasn't he all there ?

Capitalist (to architect) : " Now, you see, Mr Stiles, I got a weather vane cheap, the other day, at auction, and I want you to build me a house to it.

A French paper says : "Not one American in a hundred has a handsome chin." Of course not —their time ia devoted to the cultivation of cheek,