MISCELLANEOUS EXTRACTS.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume I, Issue 2, 29 April 1843, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS EXTRACTS.

Pomposity. — A facetious gentleman travelling in the interior of the State, on arriving at his lodging-place in the evening, was met Vy the hostler, whom he thus addressed : — " Boy, extricate that quadruped from the vehicle, stabulate him, denote him an adequate supply of nutritious aliment, and when the aurora of morn shall again illuminate the oriental horizon, I shall award you a pecuniary compensation for your amiable hospitality." The boy not understanding a word, ran into the house saying, " Master, here's a Dutchman wants to see you." Middle Classes of Society. — Placed between the two extremes of life, the tradesman who ventures beyond his means, and sees clear books and sure gains, with enough of occupation to give healthful excitement, enough of fortune to greet each new born child without a sigh, might be envied alike by those above and below his state — if the restless heart of man evdr evinced content. " My heart is thine," as the cabbage said to the cook-maid. Why is a percussion-cap like death ? Because it is a debt-o'-natur'. (detonator). ." You don't pass here," as the counter said to the bad shilling. Sidney Smith's last. — This worthy and facetious dignitary of St. Paul's, dining iv company lately with Dr. Selwyn, the new Bishop of New Zealand, observed, though a most excellent dinner was provided, that his Lordship ate very " sparingly." « Come, my Lord," said he, " this will not do in New Zealand (including the Cannibal Islands) where you will always find two courses, and a " cold missionary" on the sideboard. What think you of that?"— The Bishop replied, that he did not think the practice worse than " roasting bishops in England !" The " Sonex Derisor" was dumbfounded. It was a remark of Edmund Burke, and worthy of becoming m\ aphorism, that " the chief advantage of character is, that it is a shield against calumny." Education betimes. — When a Chinese Wife is "enceinte," the husband hires a musical band to entertain her, that the infant may be of a harmonious disposition. 'In Europe, ladies in that situation are sometimes said to give themselves " airs" enough "without any such assistance. " Life let us cherish," as the butcher whistled to himself as he fed the fat pig for Christmas. When the air-balloon was first discovered, some one flippantly asked Dr. Franklin what was the use of it ? The Doctor answered this question by asking another : What is the use of a new-born infant ? It may become a man. A Yankee Captain once cried out in a squall, to a raw hand newly shipped on board his craft, " Let go the jib, there ! let go that jib !" " I ant a touchin' it ! " squalled out the simple down-easter in return. Eastern Method of Measuring Time — The people of the East measure time by the length of their shadow. Hence, if you ask a man what o'clock it is, ho immediately goes into the sun, stands erect, then, looking where his shadow terminates, he measures his length with his feet, and tells you nearly the time. Thus the workmen earnestly desire the shadow which indicates the time for leaving their work. A person wishing to leave his toil, says, "How long my shadow is in coming ! " " Why did you not come sooner ?" " Because I waited for my shadow." In the seventh chapter of Job we find it written, "As a servant earnestly desireth his shadow." — (Robert's Illustrations.) i Punctuality. —If you desire to enjoy life, avoid unpunctual people. They impede business, and poison pleasure. Make it your own rule not only to be punctual, but a little beforehand. Such a habit secures a composure which is essential to happiness. For want of it many people live in a constant fever, and put all about them in a fever too. Raising the Wind. — Rembrandt being in want of money, and finding his works of heavy vent, put into the newspapers that he was dead, and advertised a public sale of the finished and unfinished paintings in his house. Crowds flocked to the auction, eager to possess one of the last efforts of so great a master. The meanest sketch sold at a price which entire pictures had never fetched before. After collecting the proceeds, Rembrandt came to life again ; but the Dutch, who resent improbity even in genius, never would employ him after his resurrection,