DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 31, Issue 136, 5 March 1938, Page 8 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

" "And how do you like your new radio, Sandy?” “Mon, it’s grand, but the wee light's hard tae read by.”

Mother: “You naughty boy! How dare you use such a wicked word!”

Small son: “But Shakespeare used it.”

"Oh. he did? Well, don’t play with him again!”

A hefty youth tendered a penny to the conductor on a Liverpool tramcar and asked for a scholar’s ticket.

“Did you say scholar’s?” asked the conductor. “Yes.”

“Righto! Here you are.” Then, as an afterthought: “Remember me to the wife when you get home!”

When Donovan’s wife brought him his early-morning cup of tea, she started telling him about the terrific thunderstorm that had occurred during the night. ‘Then why on earth didn’t ye wake me?” demanded Donovan, angrily. “You know very well I can never sleep through a thunderstorm!”

The negro was dressed up in his best clothes and was strutting majestically up and down the street. “Are you not working to-day, Sambo?” asked a passer-by. "No, sir,” replied Sambo. ‘Tse celebrating my golden weddin’.” “Then you were married fifty years ago to-day?” “Yassir.” “Well, why isn’t your wife celebrating with you?” “My present wife, sir,” replied Sambo, in dignified tones, “ain’t got nothin’ to do with it, her’s the fourth.”

Last year: She was th'e old-fashion-ed girl who darned her husbaud’s socks.

This year: She’s the new-fangled girl who socks her darned husband.

»i; « « “When I was a boy,” said the greyhaired doctor, “I wanted to be a soldier, but my parents persuaded me to study medicine.”

“Oh, well,” consoled his sympathetic neighbour, “such is life. Many a man with wholesale ambitions has to content himself with a retail business.”

At a council meeting there was a discussion regarding the amount of milk which should be provided tor school children.

The chairman of the health committee made the following statement:— “What this town needs is a supply of clean, fresh milk, and the council should take the bull by the horns and demand it.”

The old lady who had lost her dog found it at the police station. “It’s been here ten days, so that’s ten shillings to pay,” said the officer in charge.

“Well, if he comes here again,” said the old lady, “don’t fine him. Just give him the birch.”

Her newly-elevated ladyship had just been introduced to a notable elocutionist, who had volunteered to entertain the children at a charity fete.

“It is nice of you to say you will entertain the children, Mr. DuntonGreene. How shall I introduce you?” “Well, I usually recite extempore.” “Oh, ‘Extempore!’” she gushed. “I know of no piece more appropriate.”