DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 31, Issue 124, 19 February 1938, Page 6 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

A small girl suddenly burst out crying at dinner.

‘•Why, Betty,” said her mother, “what’s the matter?” •■Oh,” sobbed Betty, “my teeth trod on my tongue!”

They had had a little argument. The wife suspected the maid of eavesdropping, and when she went into the ball she discovered the girl in retreat. She accused her at once of listening, but the girl violently protested her innocence.

“Don’t deny it, Mary,” she stormed. “Your hair is still standing on end I”

The train suddenly came to a grinding stop, which made the passengers jump. “What has happened, guard?” cried a nervous old lady.

“Nothing much. We just ran over a cow.” “Why—was it on the track?” “No,” replied the disgusted official. “We chased it into a barn!”

He was the club bore and heartily detested. Rushing into the secretary's room and fuming with rage, he shouted : “I have just been offered £2O to resign the club. What shall I do?” The secretary was quite calm and replied. “Hold on a bit. You’ll get a better offer.”

Manager: “Where is Mr. Brown?” Clerk: “Speaking on the telephone to his wife.”

Manager: "How do you know it's his wife ?” Clerk: “Well, he’s been on the telephone half an hour and I’ve only heard him say ‘Hullo’ and ‘Yes’ so far.

A doctor who had been summoned urgently to a patient drove several miles through pouring rain and discovered there was nothing wrong that could not have waited until the morning. ■'What a blessing these telephones are, doctor,” said the patient's wife. “I could never have sent a servant out in such weather.”

••When were you born?” demanded the magistrate. No reply. “Did you hear what I said? When is your birthday?” “What do you care?” said the prisoner, sulkily. “You ain’t goin’ to give me nothink, are you?”

Macpherson was thinking of getting married, but wanted to be sure that the girl of his choice was thrifty. So one night, when out walking with her, he said, “Maggie, I ken a lassie that reads for ’oors in her bed at nicht and wastes a lot o’ gas. Do you read in bed?”

‘‘Only when it’s a munelicht nicht,’’ she replied, and a week later they were married.

Jules had been a long time courting, but it was a bright moon, the hay smelt sweet, and they had lingered near the stile.

“Will ’ee marry me, Mary?” he asxed suddenly. “Yes, for sure Oi will,” answered Mary. A long, long silence ensued. “Well,” said Mary, a trifle impatiently, “why don’t 'ee say something?” Jules sighed deeply. “Oi be thinking Oi’ve said too much arlready.”