DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 30, Issue 261, 31 July 1937, Page 6 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

The kind old lady had just used the public telephone for the first time, and had given the operator quite a lot of trouble. After she had finished her conversation she called the exchange. “I’m very sorry to have given you so much trouble, miss,” she said, “so I’m putting another penny in the slot—for you.” t: s

'The foreman of a gang of railwaymen had more than his share of Irish wit.

One day he was walking along his section of the line when he found one of his men fast asleep in the shade of a hedge. Eyeing the man with a smile, he said, “Shape on, ye idle spalpeen, slape on. So long as ye slape yo’ve got a job, but when ye wake up ye’re out of work.”

A young man in college was applying pressure for more money from home. “I cannot understand why you call yourself a kind father,” he wrote his dad. “when you haven’t sent me a cheque for three weeks. What kind of kindness do you call that?” “That’s unremitting kindness,” wrote the father in his next letter.

The guide had taken him to the top of the mountain, and he gazed long at the scenery. Then he took out a notebook and commenced to write. “Pardon, m’sieu,” asked the guide, “but what are ze notes you make?” “Oh.” said the tourist, “I’m just jotting down the things that have left an indelible impression on my mind, so that I shan’t forget them.”

“Father, did Edison make the first talking machine?” asked a boy one day. "No,” replied his parent. "The Lord made the first talking machine, but Edison made the first that could be shut off.”

“I can’t do a thing with .tones,” said the manager. “I’ve had him in three departments, and he dozes all day.”

“Put him in the pyjama counter,” suggested the proprietor, “and fasten a card on him with these words: ‘Our pyjamas are of such superior quality that even the man who sells them cannot keep awake.’ ”

It was the first game of the season, and the country football pitch had not been shorn of its grass. The referee was small and not very efficient, but the crowd was prepared to be patient. At last, however, a more than usually hopeless decision roused one spectator to action.

Standing up on his seat, he shouted: “Why don’t they cut the grass so that the ref. can see the game?”

Little Solly got a brand new ten shilling note for his birthday. Going to the local chemist he had the note changed into sixpences and shillings. Then he went across the street to the grocer and got a ten shilling note for the change. He repeated this several times. Finally, his father called him to account for his strange actions, and Solly explained, “Vhy do I keep changing that note? Veil, sooner or later somebody is going to make a mistake, and it ain’t going to be me!”