DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 30, Issue 249, 17 July 1937, Page 6 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

The not very successful heavyweight boxer walked into the artist's studio. “Say,” he said. “I’d like you to paint a full-length picture of me on canvas.” “Certainly,” said the artist. “When is your next fight?” Wedding Guest: “Isn’t this your fourth daughter that’s getting married, Angus?” Angu<s: “Aye, and our rice is getting awfu’ dirty.” The clergyman wa's about to christen tlie baby. “You may grow up to be an admiral of the Fleet or a general in the Army, or you may become Prime Minister.” Then, turning to the mother, he said, “And what is the child’s name?” “Marv.” the mother replied. » ♦ « The vessels of the Fleet had jusl dropped anchor.' when a small rowing boat appeared alongside the flagship, and a small man, wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella —a typical taxpayer-climbed up the stairway on to the deck. It was not a day for public inspection. and as he strode along the deck an officer approached him and asked —"Well, sir, and what do you want?”

“I want to see the Admiral,” was the reply. “Tell him one of the owners of this boat is on board.”

The young woman was anxious to reach her friend post-haste. Knowing him to be an ardent horseman, but with no more information than the fact that he rode a mount named Molly, she proceeded to ask riding academy after academy. Eventually success was to be hers. Nearing the end of her list of academies, her impatient “Hello” was answered by a stableman.

“Is that the Park Riding Academy?” she asked. “Yes,” answered the voice. “Well, have you a horse named Molly?”

“Sure,” said the man. “Shall I bring ’er to the phone?”

A negro visited a town in Ohio on election day. In the afternoon an acquaintance met him. "Have you voted, Rastus?” “Yassir.”

"How did you vote?” "Well, boss, it was dis way; I meets a Republican in de street, a'n’ he gibs me ’leven dollars to vote his ticket. An’ I meets a Democrat, an’ 'he gibs me seven dollars to vote his ticket. So I voted for de Democrat.” "But the Republican gave you the most money.”

“Yassir, I voted for de Democrats 'cause dey is de least corrupt.”

One examiner in the suburbs asked a girl to reverse a big saloon car. It was an appalling effort, at the end of which the girl remarked: "What a mess 1” Her examiner, thinking she. referred to the reversing, said nothing.

Actually his candidate had caught sight of her face in the mirror, and she immediately began powdering. While doing so, her foot slipped from the clutch, and the car shot back and hit a lamp-post.

Inspection disclosed that the back bumper had wound itself round the post. As she looked at the damage, the girl remarked: “Well, that’s put a lid 011 —i’m sure daddy won’t let me have the car for another test.” The examiner agreed. sjl # #

“Taxi!” cried a man in a great hurry. “Now.” said he. through the speaking tube,” drive like fury.” The car sped away and soon set up a great speed. Policemen were missed by inches and many times the driver had to swerve to avoid collisions.

After a quarter of an hour of this the nervous passenger took the tube again.

“Hi!” he cried, “what on earth are von doing and where are you going?” “Don’t know, sir,” came the reply. “I’m waiting for you to name the place.”