DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 30, Issue 113, 6 February 1937, Page 22

DIVERSIONS

AUSTRALIAN POLICE METHODS

When Alice, alluring bride of Cockeyed Bob. an Australian Northern Territory aborigine, was abducted by a rival suitor, Constable McNab, of Darwin, by means of message sticks, ascertained the state of her affections, and ordered her return to her lawful husband. Cockeyed Bob’s faith in the efficacy of police methods is an example to us less trusting whites. When aromatie Alice swore her vows to Cockeyed Bob, A rival suitor came along and cruelled their little job; He exercised his native wiles, then carried her away, And in his bachelor abode a captive fast she lay. “O, who will through the bush with me?” the outraged husband cried. “O, who will up and follow me to find my blooming bride I” As no one bit, he hurried off to Darwin —none but he — To seek the aid of gallant, brave and true McNab, P.C. “I saw her at the twilight grey, the lubra I adore, But when I looked at break of day I saw her there no more. Restore to me my Alice; give that cheeky buck his due!” McNab sent out a message stick to see what that would do. The answer came: To Cockeyed Bob sweet Alice true would be, “Then cut and run,” McNab sent back, with stern authority; Bob left for home, full confident that pTiceman’s word was law, Assured that onee again his wife would walk the wurlie floor. —“Oriel,” in the Melbourne “Argus.” The old negro parson had called his flock together during a drought period to pray for rain. Entering the pulpit, he gazed sadly upon his bareheaded congregation. “De faith of some of you niggahs is deplorable,” he began. “Here we are gathered together to ask de good Lord to send us rain, and not one of you has brought an umbrella.” « » # Wrong Kind. Sandy had been wooing Jenny for some months, and, excepting that he was a bit “near” with his money, she had found him satisfactory. One day she called on him, and seizing the opportunity he asked, “Are you fond of moving pictures, Jenny?” “Aye!” she said, hopefully. “Then, lass, maybe ye’ll help me tae get hauf-a-dozen doon oot o’ the attic.”

Links (referring lo violinist): "lie reminds me of Paderewski.” Jinks: “But Paderewski isn't a violinist.” Binks: "Neither is this chap.” Not Guilty. With a grinding of brakes the officer pulled up his car and shouted to a little boy playing in the hold: "I say, sonny, have you seen an aeroplane come down anywhere near here?” “No, sir,” replied the boy,, trying'to hide his catapult. “I've only been shooting at a bottle.” Irate Business Mau: "Hi! porter. How long's this train going to be?” Porter: “About eight coaches and an Engine, sir!" r.: - v ’ His Opinion. A woman motorist ran into the back of a motor-lorry. It was a case of bad driving, but not wishing to admit it, and lacking the courage to shift the responsibility on the lorry driver, she said to him: "1 can't understand how it happened: 1 was driving properly.” 'The lorry driver turned to her and, with withering. scorn, replied: “Madam, there’s only one thing women drive properly—and that’s men barmy.” “I'm afraid I must give you notice, ma’am,” said the maid. “You don’t seem to trust mo.” “Don’t trust you!” cried the astonished mistress. “But I gave you the keys of the cellar, of my jewel-case, and of the master’s desk.” “Yes, ma’am, I know. But none of them fits.” « ❖ * Secret. Ike and Sam were strolling along the street. Passers-by stared at them, because Sam was reading a letter aloud, and Ike had his fingers stuck in Sam’s ears. Their mutual friend, Joe, encountered them and stopped in amazement. “Ike.” lie asked sharply, “why are you holding Sam’s ears shut while he reads a letter aloud?” “The letter,” replied Ike, “Is from my sweetheart. I can’t read, and I don’t want him to know what she's saying to me.” « # Little Mary was holding the kitten lightly in her arms and talking to it, as children are fond of doing. A thoughtful pause caused her mother to listen to what was coming next. “Kitten,” said Mary, “I know all your little sisters and brothers, an’. I know your mummy, but I’ve never seen your daddy. I ’spect lie must be a commercial traveller.”