Pickles

Dominion, Volume 29, Issue 139, 7 March 1936, Page 22

Pickles

The storm was raging fiercely when Pat got out of bed and made for downstairs.

“YouHl be a lot safer between the bedclothes,” said his companion. “That’s just where you’re wrong,” returned Pat. "It’s sheet lightning.”

Dentist: “Shall I use an anaesthetic?” Cowboy: "Will it hurt if you don’t?” Dentist: Most likely.” Cowboy: “Then you’d better use the anaesthetic—for your own sake!”

“Daddy, our Sunday-school teacher said that if we were good we would go to Heaven.”

“Quite right, my child.” “But, Daddy, you said that if we were good we should go to the circus. Which of you’s right?”

It was her first visit to a night club; she was seated beside an artistic-look-ing young man.

“Tell me,” he ventured, “do you care for mezzo-tints?” “Well, no,” she stammered. “At least, not before supper.”

Two perfect ladies were discussing each other, and their remarks were anything but complimentary. At length one of them said, “You don’t consider yourself a prize beauty, I hope?” “No,” replied the other, “I don’t, and I mujt say your mother must have been very fond of children to have brought you up.” ♦ * * Farmer Thomas gave a new man a plateful of mushrooms for his supper. They were some he had gathered on a newly acquired piece of land. “Isn’t anyone having mushrooms for supper?” asked the man. Next morning Thomas went to his new’ man’s room and asked how he-felt. “I feel fine,” said the man. The farmer turned and walke'd to the kitchen. Putting his head round the door he shouted: “It’s all right, Jane, they’re not toadstools!” « « A negro parson held forth with a title sermon, and be wgs, sympathetically received by the entire congregation. He was about to close. “Brudders and sistern, Ah want to warn yo’ against the heinous crime of stealin’ watermelons.” At this point an old negro rose, snapped hi s fingers and sat down again. “Wharfo’,. brudder, does yo’ rise up an’ snap yo’ fingers when Ah speaks of watermelon stealing?” “Yo’ jes’ reminds me, pabson, whah Ah done left mah knife.”

Teaching Her to Drive: "Now, we’re all set. Just turn the jigger over and push on the hickey with your left hand and pull down on the’ other little jimcrack with your right, then press down the doodad witli your foot and pull the thingumybob at the same time, and when it starts you push down on the doofunny with your left foot and yank fbe umptydiddy back, then let up on the foot dingus and put your other foot on the hickey-niadoodle; and don’t forget'to push down on the hootnanny every time you move the whatyoumaycall it, aud you’ll be hunkydorey, see?”

They had quarrelled. It was just a lovers’ tiff, but the young man felt hurt. He jumped, to his feet. “This is the end, Mary!” lie said, through clenched teeth. “I can’t stay another moment under the same roof as you. I'm going away!” He waved his hand dramatically in the air. “Perhaps some day when it is too late you’ll be sorry for what you have said. Goodbye!”

“Where are you going?” she asked cool ly. ,

“Where am I going?” lie echoed, “somewhere out into the world where only the strongest survive, men are men and life held cheaply!” He pulled the door open and went out. A second later he was back again. “H'm!” he murmured, “it’s a good job for yon that it’s raining hard!”