PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 26, Issue 302, 16 September 1933, Page 18

PICKLES

He was an eider of his kirk in a small Scottish town, and had consulted a specialist about his health. Told that he had a floating kidney, he was much disturbed, for the complaint had all the terror of mystery. He went to the minister of his chureh with a request that the prayers of the congregation might be offered. “I don’t know,” said the minister. “I’m afraid that at the mention of a floating kidney the congregation might laugh.” “I see nothing to laugh at,” replied the sufferer. “It was only last Sabbath that you prayed for loose livers.” » ♦ ♦

Two charwomen met on their way home from work. “Hallo, dearie,” said Mrs. Harris- “ Ain't seen you out with your ’ubby lately. Where’s ’e got to?” Mrs. Brown shook her head sadly “He’s 'ad a seizure.” she replied. “ ’As he. now?” said Mrs. Harris sympathetically. "They’re terrible, things, them ’eart seizures.”

Mrs. Brown sniffed rather contemptuously. "It wasn’t ’is ’eart,” she returned; “It was the police.”

“You know, old chap,” said Jones, thoughtfully, "you certainly remind me of Smith.” Brown laughed. “Don’t be an ass!” he retorted. “Why, Smith and I aren’t a bit alikp.” Jones shrugged his shoulders. “No, but he owes me five bob, too,” he 1 replied.

It was rhe first time Mr. and Mrs. Gaffer had been to a huge supercinema. The magnificence of everything in the building made them gape in astonishment. Above in the roof the whirring of an electric propeller, for freshening the air. caught their ears. “Whatever’s that. Henry?” she asked her husband. Hubby looked thoughtful.

“Why, Martha,” he said at last, “I know what it is. It’s one of them ‘film fans' you read so much about.”

A little girl came into the village drug stores and said she wanted a bottle of oil, but had forgotten which kind. "Is it the kind you put in sewing machines?” asked the clerk. “No, the kind you put in babies,” she replied. So the clerk wrapped up a bottle of castor oil.

An elegantly-dressed gentleman stood on tlie pavement outside his club. After glancing up and down the street for a taxi, he beckoned to a boy wheeling a dilapidated barrow. “I say, my lad,” he said, "just run to the top of the street and fetch me a taxi.”

“No fear,” said the boy. “I know your sort. When my back is turned you’ll nip off with my barter.”

Child (at first concert) : Mummie, why is the man shaking his stick at the lady? Mother: Hush; he’s not, dear. Child: Then why is she screaming, mummie?

Young Man: I want half a dozen engagement rings, assorted sizes. Jeweller: One is usually enough at a time, sir.

Young man: I know, but I am going to the seaside for a couple of weeks.

A young and keen police officer was being shown his first suburban night beat by the sergeant. “Do yon see that red light in the distance?” asked the sergeant. “Well, that’s the limit of your beat. Now. get on with it.” The young constable departed, and was not seen again until next morning at breakfast time. When at length he turned up at headquarters the sergeant asked furiously where he had been. “You remember that red light,” said the policeman, “well it was a lorry!”