RANDOM NOTES

Dominion, Volume 25, Issue 168, 12 April 1932, Page 8

RANDOM NOTES

Sidelights on Current Events' LOCAL AND GENERAL

(By

Kickshaws.)

A parish priest in France has kicked a bole in the big drum belonging to a band. He must have been trying to start a boom. According to Canon James, probably the optimist and the pessimist are the same person. Nevertheless, until tne money ran out a pessimist was a man who had financed an optimist. » * » A news item states that. Mrs. Helen Wills Moody has now bobbed her hair. Either she is hopelessly late for rhe past or hopelessly early for the future.

’•Gold Medallist,” of Wellington, writes: —“Could you inform me when the racehorse Multiform was running in .New Zealand and by whom it was owned?” Multiform commenced racing in New Zealand as a two-year-old in 1896. He was owned by the late Mr. G. G. Stead.

Just when the world has forgotten all about him. Horatio Bottomley has a happy knack of "popping up” to remind us that he is still alive, if not so well as he would wish. This time he “pops iip” from a friend’s flat where be has been spending the best part of a year on a bed of sickness. Last time he “popperl up” from prison, where he had been spending ihe healthiest portion of his existence. 1 n a blue Rolls Royce limousine he drove from prison to his great estate in .SusBex—five years’ -penal servitude behind him»aud the world before him. Except that Bottomley vied with Northcliffe in popular journalism; except that Bottomley outdid all the financial geniuses who came before him with a streak of dishonesty in their veins; except that Bottomley had a happy knack of quoting Scripture to the very great discomfort of the prelates; except that his criticism without "rant, ■cant, fear or favour” made laughing stocks of persons in high positions. Bottomley’s life work, from which he made several fortunes, was not particularly remarkable. If his wheels cf life could have been set to run true, Bottomley might have become the greatest name in the history books of the future. For, after all, 75 per cent, bluff and 25 per cent, good fortune go a long way in this world.

Surprising as it seems to learn that the two Mr. G. Forbes’s of this Dominion have such different views on “cuts.” as was revealed in a recent Parliamentary petition, this coincidence is not so surprising as might be imagined. Indeed, it is no more surprising than the incident that occurred to Mr. 11. G. Wells when be found himself being introduced to another Mr. 11. G. Wells at a function in the United States of America. Moreover, both the Mr. H. G. Wells bad married wives with the same maiden name. When one considers the number of people who have to be given names' in this world and the deplorable, paucity of names in comparison, it becomes obvious that somewhere or other we must all have identical namesakes. Any author will tell you that no sooner is a character given’ a name than scores with the same name write angry letters demanding apologies for the plagiarism. Indeed, some individuals are said to make quite an income from this source.

It is not only in the similarity of names that tve derive amusement, but in many cases names become associated with one another beyond even the laws of coincidence. For example, at a wedding in England not many years ago the names of the happy pair were Alehouse and Porter. Tbe bridesmaid was Miss Beer. Tbe parson stood resolutely to his name of Stout in the full knowledge that he had as his collaborator in the function an assistant by the sober name of Drinkwater. Among other odd matrimonial alliances we have Miss Wolfe marrying Mr. Lamb; Mr. Good marrying Miss Evil; Mr. Maiden marrying Miss Batchelor, and Mr. Fox marrying Miss Gosling. Even tbe currency system has not been left in the lurch, for on one occasion a Pound married a Penny. Indeed, tbe names of Lamb and Wolf seem to tie always getting themselves mixed up nt a most reprehensible manner. Some lawyers may remember a case in the Dublin Courts when Mr. John Lamb was convicted of stealing two sheep from a Mr. Fields on the evidence given by a witness called Mr. Vi olf.

Mr Sterling’s recent reference to Britain’s iron ore and coal freights as an example of materials that road transport will not touch is indeed foitunate. For it would seem that if the railways in that country and the road transport companies were at one time at loggerheads, shipping companies and the railways were working with one another with unusual co-ordination and harmony. It is recorded that a visitor from a foreign country landing at a northern port in Britain was struck with the prodigious amounts or foreign coal imported and loaded into goods trucks. So impressed was he with the curious manner in whic.i coals apparently were being “sent to Newcastle” he asked the destination of the trucks. “London and tbe southern towns,” was the reply. When this self-same individual arrived in the south again be was impressed with the large quantities of foreign clays and ore unladen from southern ports into waiting railway trucks. “Where is it all going?” he asked an official. “'Io the north,” was the reply. “But. why not ship it there direct?” he asked. “How do you imagine the railways would pay'if the shipping companies let us down?” said tbe official. Let us hope that if we in New Zealand are to have co-ordination in transport it will be on dines more in the interests of the public.

A stranger recently walked into police headquarters in the United States of America, whipped'an automatic pistol from his pocket, clapped tbe muzzle against his chest and fiicd three times. He did not drop dead because he was a salesman oE a bulletproof waistcoat. This is a distinct advance on tbe older more cautious policy of letting the customer try the invention on himself—in his own home possibly at no cost or obligation. lie may expect other salesmen to copy this itiethod. Vacuum cleaner salesmen will doubtless allow their machines to suck up their own goodselves. . As they disappear on tbe doorstep in a somewhat abrupt manner before 'the horrified housewife, they will he able to emphasise the good points of the machine as they pass along. There seems to be no limit in some countries to the extremes people will go in tbe good cause of advertising.