PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 24, Issue 184, 2 May 1931, Page 23

PICKLES

’ The Brute. She: “I didn’t intend to speak to you tor three days as you came home so late last night, but as we have company I must alter my decision.” He: "Never mind, put the three days to my account.” ■ —“Fliegende Blaetter,” Munich. » » » Qualified. “I’m afraid you won’t, suit ns.” said the foreman. “What we require is a watchman with big, powerful muscles, a watchman who'll always be alert, somebody who can sleep with both eyes open, and isn't afraid to tackle anything that comes along!” “No, perhaps I wouldn’t suit, if you want all that,” said the applicant, thoughtfully; "but I know the very person for the job.” “Good!” exclaimed the foreman. “Who is it?” "My wife,” was the ready reply. —“Galt Reporter.” Simple. “My husband is the most perfect husband one could wish for.” “How is that?” “He knows I don’t like the smell of tobacco and-so he goes every night into the club to smoke there.” —“Hummel,” Hamburg.

' Transparent. “I have only one piece of sugar in my coffee.” “How do you know?” “I can see it.” * —“Die Lnstige Kiste," Leipzig. » » * Riposte. “No woman dictates what I do at home. lam master in m.v own home.” “Yes. I, too, am a bachelor.” —“Nebelspaiter,” Zurich. » ♦ * Circumstances Alter Cases. Lady (after looking at numerous hats): “I want something less coquettish, something neat and simple ” Milliner: “Oh, yes, madam, a hat in which to go out with your husband.” —“Pages Gales,” Yverdon. * » • Common Knowledge. “Didn’t your paper say I was a liar?” “It did not.!’ “Didn’t it say I was a scoundrel?” “It didn’t.” “I’m positive some paper said it.” “Perhaps it was our competitor in this town,” suggested the editor. “Our paper doesn’t print stale news.”— “Boston Transcript”