PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 24, Issue 62, 6 December 1930, Page 27

PICKLES

The Ruling Passion. “My dear, I can’t get a nurse for love nor money—my baby-carriage Is last year’s model.” • •■' . ’>, . His Wife. “What sort of a wife Is she?” “Well, when her ’usband tells ’er he 'asn’t got a button on 'is trousers, she goes out and buys 'lm a belt I” • • • Pills Win. Doctor: “An operation would save your life.” ■ .. • ■ - Patient: "How much would it cost?” Doctor: “£50.” Patient: “I don’t possess so much money.” ; Doctor: “Then we will see what will da” ■. - ■ —-HammeJ,” * Hamborg. * *

A JuSt Impediment. Friend: “I wonder, Ethel, that you allowed that Frenchman to kiss you in the conservatory.” Ethel: “I couldn’t help it” Friend: “Why couldn't you?” Ethel: “Because I can’t speak French.” —’’Alnwick Guardian.” • • * En Passant. “How did you like the opera, Minna?” “It was lovely, ma’am. It was ‘Lohengrin.’ ” “So you made the acquaintance of Wagner?” “No, ma’am, he told me his name was Miller.” —“Mousttque,” Charleroi.

An Impossible Basis. "A fortune teller said I should go to prison for embezzling money entrusted to me.” “Don’t believe it. Wh n would entrust money to you?” —“Nebelspalter,” Zurich. Too Much! Professor: “Science has made such progress that we can now send pictures by wireless.” Lady in audience: “Really, ready framed?” —“Der Lustige Sachse,” Leipzig. A Useful Possession. Jimmy (watching something tasty going into sick-room): “Please, Ma, can I have the measles when Willie’s done with them?” > —“Toronto Globe.”

A Simple Fact. A Negro ’ clergyman so pestered bls bishop with appeals for help that It became necessary to tell him that he must not send any more appeals. His next communication was as follows: — “This is no appeal. It’s a report I have no trousers.”—“Masonic Craftsman.”

The Survivor. Doctor: “How many patients have died to-day?” Nurse: “Three, sir.” Doctor: “But I prescribed medicine for four.” Nurse: “Yes, but one refused to take it” —“Dorfbarbier,” Berlin.

Perseverance. Pedlar: “Any umbrella rings, pencils, teapot spouts, studs, shoe laces, brushes or needles?” Lady : “Go away or I’ll call the police.” Pedlar: “ ’Ere you are, lady, whistles sixpence each.” Repartee. Mistress: "In the time it takes me to tell you how to do the work, I could do it myself.” Matilda Jane: “Yes’m. And in the time it takes me to listen to you, so could L” —“Merthyr Expitm.”-

The Lesser of Two Evils. Young Mother: “The landlord called to-day and I paid the month’s rent and showed him baby.” Young Father (of crying b'aby): “I should, have preferred it if you had shown him the rent and given him baby.” . Distinctly the Wrong Shop. Salesman at the Motor Show: “May I give you particulars, madam, of something that interests you ?” Dear Old Soul: “Er —yes —sir. I waa just admiring the pattern of your linoleum—where, now, may one pro<bbt« it from!”

A Better Idea. “I’ve been thinking, my son, of retiring next year and leaving the business to you.” “There’s no hurry, is there, Dad? You go ahead and work a few years more and then we can retire together.—“Epworth Herald.” . •. r • Domestic Diplomacy. Wifie: “I’ve bought you a beautiful surprise for your birthday—it has just arrived.” . Husband: “I am curious to see It. Wifie: “Wait a minute and 1 win put it on.” r , His Lost Capital. She (fter the quarrel) “‘Everything in the house is mine—money, furniture, clothes. What did you have before you married me?” He: “Peace.”