THE "MIDGET'S" MITE

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 2906, 19 October 1916, Page 7

THE "MIDGET'S" MITE

A GENTLE ENCOUNTER WITH THE

AMATEUR PRESS

In tho days when I taught school in the middlo distance of tho Back of Beyond, Pongaroa was a, vague and remote community of lost souls. If you risked a Pahiatuan whore iv was, he would point uncertainly towards the east. 1 It's forty miles by tho road," he would say, and then lie would tell you about tho road, and of divers wagoners who had adventured along its tortuous way till' they reached that Slough of Despond whero were popularly supposed to lie buried various relics of legendary expeditions. Boyoud this lay Pongaroa. One got tho idea that Pongaroa was a land of rain and mud, darkness and despair. .That, if you went there, you might strike a boardinghouso, and thon, again, you might not. And, if you "did strike one, you might get a bed, and then, again, you might not. I once asked a school inspector what tho plaeo was like,

"My dear sir." said he, "don't tempo me to indulge in profanity." So, of course, I never went there. I pneo had business at Coonoor,. and an inhabitant of Makuri, guiding my un>certain stops, pointed to a whito streak that Wined about the hills liko a rata vine, and said: "Follow you? nose up that road, and you'll get thoro beforo dark. 'J'bat's the - Pongaroa road on tho left. If you tako that ono God 'elp yoii I"

| I made no mistake, and as I passed the Pongaroa Road, giving it. plenty of _poa room on the port bow, I had a vision of a colonial edition of tho fellow in "Pilgrim's Progress"—l forgot his name—humping his swag into the Valloy of the Never-Never. In tho interval Pongaroa has become civilised, and to this pleasing accomplishment- the "Akitio Midget"—"tho only paper published in Pougaroa"— beareth duo witness. The other evening I found two copies of the "Midget," and a cheque for five pounds, lying on my table. A statement in a superscription to the pheque sot forth that the money had been earned by the "Midget," and was to be handed to tho Red Cross Fluid, for which the "Midget'" simply and solely exists. I gathered also that tho publication is run by school youngsters,. but there is a_ quasi-professional finish about the editing that suggests adult and experienced supervision. The "editor" is Master Jack Robertson; tie "subeditor," Miss Emma Dickins—surely . not an offshoot of tho immortal family? Miss Peggy Robertsoa is the ."treasurer"; and Misß Iha Robertson is the "printer's fairy." Pardon my ouriosity, Miss Ina, but are you a real fairy?-Or is your elfin status a euphemism for that established institution which is known in the wicked world of scissors and paste as the printer's dovil?

Naturally, tho prosperous and up-to-date community of Pongaroa bulks largely in the pages of the "Midget." From it we loam that Pongaroa has a Chamber of Commerce. In a town.that can maintain a Chamber of Commerce there must be something doing, and Pongaroa's Chamber of Commerce ought to be very thankful to the "Midget" for advertising the fact-. . Herein - tho "editor" I shows a proper attitude to the publio institutions of his community. I had half hoped to see in tho editorial columns of the "Midget" a scathing and trenchant criticism of the local authority for its remissness in regard to Some "long-feit want," but the "Midget" is a kindly little journal, and apparently 1 regards sins of"omission on tho part of the body politic with an indulgent eye. . The "Midget" is strong in its fiction department, aad the imagination of its youthful contributors aro properly tinged—as I hope all youthful imaginations are—with tho elfin spirit of romance that dwells in trees and running water. Doris Lunt, of Horoeka, writes quite a delightful little fairy tale, which she calls "A Story." Her heroine dreamt that slio•slipped through a big crack and found herself descending a mysteyous flight of stairs that led to a pretty stream:

"The banks of the stream were bordered by drooping ferns r.nd tali, graceful reeds, Eileen had never before seen anything so beautiful. Her breath was completely taken away when she spied three or four maidens flitting in and out of the reeds. One perohed herself on a tree, another on a stone in the middle ' of the stream, whilst the third and fourth mounted 'sticks, which they used for horses. ..."

Another budding .author —Inn, Eobertson —tells with delicious insouciance how thoy all went for a picnic, and how she was so' hungry that she ate sis' sausage rolls—six 1 For a printer's fairy, that was going some. Hero, is an author who is prepared to sacrifko her reputation in the name of - Art. What a delightful thing is the disinterested effervescence of youth ! Heighho! And what a pity it is that we. should eyer lose it!

_ 'The brightest thing in tho "Midget" is the Answers to Correspondents colurim, presided over by a waggish soul who calls himself tho "Answer Man." Here are a few of his jests;

'T.R.U. '—Yes, but forget that high words between men are frequently low words.

• "L.Y.R." —You are not alone. Ananias, it is said, told a lie, and yet he was borne out by the by-standers. • "DICT."—Now, see here; never call a man a blackguard—call him nn African sentinel.

"P.A.T."—Tour story reminds me of tho sad experience of my little friend William. Little Willie, with the shears, clipped off both tlio baby's ears; it made the baby eo unsightly, that mother raised her eyebrows slightly. "OH."—That's a etrange question you ask; but I'm just tho chap to answer it. You ask: "What is tho greatest of God's creations?" Answer: Woman. God bless her! Earth's fairest flower, without which home is Paradise Lost, .and with which is Paradise Regained. (Applause from the ladies' gallery; sighs from the bachelors' comer; groans from tho alimony section; and then, nine rousing cheers from all, music from tho band, and one strain of "Home, Sweet Home.") Jnst as wa go to press a, correspondent wants to know what ho ought to get for "kicking cows." We should say about a year, with hard labour; or get tossed by a bull. ' Another writes: "Dear Editor,—Please inform a constant reader how to cure chilblains in next issue of tho 'Midget.' " Will this correspondent please note there are no chilblains in this issue, nor in our last issue, nor in our next. If his hands or feet, suffer from chilblains wash them and put them in a bottle, with two moth balls, till next summer.

Tho "Midget's" advertising manafior is not mentioned, but ho must bo a live wire, as they say in America, for ho has produced-results which, proportionately find comparatively, should make The Dominion's advertising manager's mouth water. And all this for tho Red Cross Fund! Well, Master Jack Robertson, Editor of the "Midget," is has been well worth while— "Wi."