THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1533, 31 August 1912, Page 5

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. [Br M.C.K.] A cable message reports that Mr. L. Jenkins, the new Mayor of Poofcsoruy, has declined, as a democrat, to don the Mayoral robes. It is just as well that Mr. Jenkins explained his great refusal as tlio act of a democrat, because thero are'ninetcen other reasons wliicli could bo advanced by anyono— I Tory, 'Conservative, Progressive, l'ovldsite, Anarchist, Prohibitionist, Anti-Vaccinator, Uugenist, or anything else—for refusing to wear the dissipated bedspread with the brass hangings which people think is as essential to the production of Mayoral wisdom as superphosphate is to tlio production of turnips. Of course, thero are many other ' ways of proclaiming one's democratic creed. You may obtain a baronetcy, for oiio thing.' You may deny tlio validity of the Ten Commandments as being unsuited to the now era, however they may have suited tho Tories of them thero dark ages. Or you can deny that nateral law is a fact, and especially tho so-called law of gravitation, which was invented by the Tory capitalists solely in order to explain their action in grinding men down. As a democrat, too, it is your duty—nay, it is even your dooty—to refuse to reekerniso the Governor. Indeed, thero are few things that you may not do if you'aro a democrat. On the spur of the moment, I can only think of one bar (o the complete and perfect liberty of tlio demmercrat, and that is, the interdiction of really hard work. "What is that?" asked tho emigrant. "That is a deputation," said tho citizen, "and it is going to Mr. Masse? with some requests." "What will it ask for?" "It will ask that a bridge be built over tho creek down by Smith's place, in order that tho district may develop into a hive of industry." "What will Mr. Massey say?" "Ho will say he was much impressed by tho possibilities of tho crcelc when ho last called oil old man Smith." "Will that bo true?" "It will not." "What else will ho say?" "He will say he recognises tlio importtmco of the work, and the influential character of tho deputation, and tlio necessity that something should bo done." "Does ho really recognise that?" J "Ko, and the deputation knows he does not. Mr. Massey will then say ho will bring tlio matter before. Cabinet." "What wil ltlio deputation do?" i "It will go outside, and get photographed, and then stand around talking about old Smith's creek, until somebody suggests a drink." "What will Mr. Massey do then?" ■ "Ho will receive another deputation asking for tho imposition of a heavy duty on postholes." "Should not Mr. Massey play golf instead of receiving deputations?" "Yes, ho should play golf." "Who is that man over there?" "That is another Minister. He is'waiting for a deputation in quest, of a graut for the establishment of a State antimacasser factory." "And he will recognise the importance of antimacassers?" "He will. He has just recognised tho urgency of the request for a. new doorknob on tho door of tho stationmaster's wasli-houso at Porangahere." "And when lie has received all the deputations, what will lie do?" "He will receive more deputations."

Wo are all watching with much interest tlio Opposition's experiments in tlio art of doing without things. It has discovered that the practice of having a leader is a hoary anachronism, which persists simply through tlio inability of people to break tlio bonds of custom. Accordingly, it has decided to do without a leader, and it has decided also that to suggest that it should appoint one is to commit nil unfriendly act'. As for its policy—aha! That is where it has got Mr. Massey ill a fix. It is not going to have a policy, and, Mr. Massey, whenever he makes a desperate slash at the party opposite, will simply cut the empty air. Then when Mr. Massey draws off, in order to see in what direction the army is moving, ho will bo foiled again, because everybody will be at liberty to march off in his own direction. The wholo thing was carefully explained' in a local journal, and Mr. Massey rend it with growing excitement. When lie saw that an "Executive Committeo" was appointed, he rushed off to Mr. Allen and said, "Allen! Allen.' Wo liavo them! They must have a Chairman, and ho will bo leader!" And just as Mr. Allen was about to qheer, somebody popped in to explain that the Chairman would Ijq dummy. Mr. Allen's face fell, and then suddenly lit up. He read: "Wo have dropped all personal feelings, and aro rallying round the banner." "We've got thorn now," he exclaimed. "Let us look at the words 011 the banner." "Certainly, by all means," said the little group in. the Opposition Whip's room; when Mr. Massey explained what he wanted. He unrolled the banner —a wliito one—and it was blank. Aiul Mr. Massey is moro crestfallen than ever.

We ouglit, to stop saying or doing anything that was likely to bo used by people in London to get tho highest terms for themselves and against New Zealand, wlicn wo wont on the London market for moneys wherewith to continue our public works policy. It should always be pointed out that wo were not a hoavily-taxed community, ajid that wo liad assets which were a magnificent security for investment.—.Sir J. G. Ward. "I wisht I'd known what th' London monoy-lendor wuz liko befure, decidin' that 111' lies' way t' 'make money is t' wutTk," said Mr. Dooley. "If Job's right, there's tinio f'r mo t' make a pilo yet." "How wud ye do it?" asked Mr. Heunessy. "All ye havo t' do is t' call on th' money-lender an' ask f'r money. Yo needn't oven shave, or put on good clothes. Ye will find a benev'lent old man ivearin' spectacles, and 'yo will say, 'Lend 1110 tin million.' 'A larrgo sum, 1110 young friend,' lie will say, 'a larrgo sum, ail' I don't know if yo are good security. Firrst,' 110 says, liavo ye lots iv money?' 'Tons; iv it,' ye say. 'And I y' owe nobody annythin'F' ho fays. "Not annywan,' yo toll him. 'But/ ho says, *1 must bo careful,' ho says, 'so yo won't mind mo askin' yo these' questions. Bill,' he adds, f a clurlt who just come in, 'Bill, d'yo know wuiythin' agin Itinnissy? Look up tho papers,' an' Bill looks through a file iv 'Titbits,* th' 'Ladies' Wurrld,' nn' th' 'Stamp Collectors' Magazine.' 'Not a wurrd about • Itinnissy,' 110 says. An' Cohen hands ye tin million, an' there y'aro. I used t' think Cohen foil eyed our doin's, but he don't. He goes by what he sees in th' 'Daily Mail,' in the 'British Weekly,' an' 'Answers.' Sometimes he wud read that New Zoalan' owed him eighty millions, an' he wud' havo a sleepless night. But 1110 frind Joe wud forward him a copy of 'Scraps' containin' a par-grapli I' th' otl'ec' that tli' scenery in New Zeal an' wuz th' finest on enrlli. .Ail' ho wud folly this up be -an extrnc' fr'lll wan iv his speeches say in' that 110 defied th' back slabbers t' prove, an' it is on recorrd, f'r we will not allow ourselves to bo placed in this position—(loud chairs)—or in other words ho had no hesitation in sayin', contiderin' th' interests iv all, he wud repeat it—prolonged applause—

which showed conclusively that New Zcalan' \vu7, worth five hundred million an' had abolished taxes. A week Inter lie culls 011 Cohen, tin* Cohon Rays, 'I am afraid yo owe, nic money.' 'Tut, tut, I repeal it, Tut, tut/ eays Joe, 'did yo read mo speech?' ho says. 'Is it thrue?' rays Cohen, 'an' answer sthraight,' ho says, 'f'r I'm an old man,, an' I can't folly tilings as 1 used to,' he says, 'an' I rely oil ye,' says he. An' ho parrls up. "l'ia tli' easiest thing, is high finance. All yo have t' do is f say loudly that ye are th' mail (hat bruk tli' bank, an' that yo coma iv a han'sonio fam'ily, an' that ill' view fr'm ycro bedroom window is like a picture. An' poor old Cohen will rush .it yo with a million. There's wan danger il' we all do as .Too advises." "What?" Raid Mr. Heimessy. "Poor old Cohen may become po frantic t' lend lis money that he Willi starrt out personally, an' not knowin' where Now Zealan' is, will tako a steamer f Greenlan' am" have all his money 6tolc lxi tli* Eskimos an' Ar'tic explorers."