THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1247, 2 October 1911, Page 8

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW, (BT H.C.K.) ■ "lot us," cried tho Primo Minister on Dominion Day, "altoi those glorious words wiiicli mean so much to Uio pcoplo in another part of tho Empire: Breathes l.licrc a man iril.li soul so dead Who novel' to himself hatli said Now Zealand is my own* my native land." Such a man does breathe, if Sir Jo.-eph wants to know, and lie is tho writer of thtvo words. And ho breathes because air is tlhe only thing that ho is not required to pay for. lie breathes all ho win, bil- - it is a treat to consume something that was not borrowed from London, and ali» boc-cuse lie wishes to enjoy tlio atmosphere as .fulily as possible Ixrfbro Sir Joseph Ward mortgages it aaid places it amongst the ,£650,000,000 worth of assets that stand against the national dobt. Ho has nevor said to himself "New Zealand ig my own, my mativo land" for two reasons. The first rcn-son is that it doos not scan, and tlio second reason is beeauso Now Zealand, although it is his native land, is not his own. It belongs to Goldbergstcin, of London, all but about eighteen square foot, as far as lio is concerned, and that little plot is of no uso to him at present, although it is comforting to reflect that when ho does tako possession it will be as a perpetual freeholder. If the glorious words which mean so much to Scotsmen must bo altered, let them be altered to read :— Breathes there the man with soul no dead who never to himself hnith said, "Our debt is eighty pounds a head. Let's cease to slut.', and work instead"?— Whoso cheeks havo never flushed marono to hear the lordly lofty tone of statesmen who aro chiefly knpwn'for bustling round to raiso a loan? Yes, one or two such men we know, denounced as traitors by Sir Joe; for, oil, they hurt his feelings so by worrying over what wo owe. "Spring Symptoms" was a headline of last week. The symptoms of Spring are the topic X sine In a practical. sensible way: Let others net busy with odea to narcissi And crimsonly-blossominir may. Yea, Sprins is the time when vre burst into rhyme And furrow the editors' brows: But the symptoms most clear that tho Sprinc-time is here Are the thinsre that go on in tho House. There's a fever and stir in the earth and tho air. And wooinir is fully in swine. But the sheen of tho dove and the young man in loye Are as naueht to the member in Spring. The founts are unsealed, and the blossomy field In vain with his emilo seeks to vie; And the voter is scared at his honey sweet word And his leering electoral eye. Spring, Sprine is tho season when love beyond reason. And elociuenco far beyond that. Fill tho voter with hope that it isn't soft soap And make "Hansard" abnormally fat. The : wrong unrepaired, and tho road long deferred Every ache, every pain, every sting, Finds a saviour at last, for tho winter is past: It is Sprinz! the triennial Snrine. Wo all of ns know that tho bloom-time will 80. But let'e be romantic till then Though their love will grow cold when the voters havo polled And they'll turn to mero Enssclia again. A number of convicts were taken tlia other day to see a play dealing with prison life, tho object being to purify their degraded hearts. To tho daily newspaper printed by tho prisoners tlhe dramatic critic, "Tho Oneeyed Yegg," contributed a fiercely hostile criticism of tho piece: "The stage is going to the dogs. 'In for was the name tho author-guy . fixed to the production; but there wasn't any Life about it. Wo nro not pedantic; wo aro not of those rf'ho require that when the motor-smash occurs there siball bo a gen.uino smash of a CO-h.p. Daimler, or who growl, when tho hero's horse wins tho Derby, beeauso the oreaturo that comes on looks very like tho milkman's horso that was so slow that lio received tho Irish promotion of becoming a Wollington cab-horse. But wo must insist on something liko an attempt to get near tho truth in stage representation. A warder who speaks like Richard Mansfield and looks liko Kyrlo Bellew is an affront to the 6cekors arte* lifo on the stage. Nor can any excuso be admitted for tho representation of the prisoners as quite content to stay in cells which a hearty sneeze would open from tlio inside. Again, we suspect something worse than ignorance in tho author's imputation of alertness and intelligence to tho police. The comments of tho audience were exceedingly curious and interesting. Their sympathy with the Ticto,' wlom they must havo seen was a srnocdger, was as disgusting as their indignation at the extremely skilful and proper manner in which Four-Flush Jako pluggod tho missionary." Tho faot that Mr. A. E. Guinness, tie Speaker, has become Sir A. R. Guinness, and is so lost in happy reflection upon tho nice feel of being a Knight that ho docs not hoar what members aro saying—this fact has had ono interesting result. It enabled tho Prime Minister to turn a new trick in tho way of defying tho rulos governing Parliamentary language. "If thesfl statements wero rnado outside tho llouso thero is only one word I would use in connection with them," ho said, observing that Sir A. R. Guinness was far away in tho clouds of fancy. "The words I would use aro absolutely false." Now a rulo that is good enough for a BaTonet and a P.C., who is a K.C.M.G., not to mention M.P., and who is also a D.C.L. —why a rule like that is good enough for we., and ought to 1m good enough for the average member of Parliament. Doubtless members will apply tho rule. We shall hoar this presently: The Minister for replied that if be' wfire outside the House ho would call Mr. Massev a horse thief and a skunk, but being m the Houso he would refrain from doing so. Mr. approved the Minister's attitude. Let Mr. Massey repeat his statement about the public debt outside tho Housa and he (tho speaker) would say, as he wished he could say in the actual circumstances, that the Leader of tho Opposition was a reptile. It will be gratifying to the many friends of the. Speaker that he has enabled this sort of thing to become possible. Sir Joseph Ward errs, of course, in his cocksure statement that if statements ho dislikes were made outsido tho Houso the words ho would use would be, "They are absolutely false." He thinks he would, no doubt. Ho might even intend to. But he would not. AVhat he would say is this: "Now, one word as to the insinuations, the mean, blackguardly, dastardly insinuations of those who are endeavouring to place mo in the position that I am not going to tolerate, and I havo no hesitatiou in saying that I have full information as to the low, cowardly plot that has been concocted by the absolutely remarkably, horribly, vile, and contemptible skunks who have niado the assertions, and I snap my fingers at their despicable, treacherous, disloyal, venomous. discreditable attacks, and rile, coarse, Mtlu; abusc-i w. that they axe Ml

"J ■"! *- liave placed it'on record, and slinll do so again, and when tltoo foul, slinmefnl, distorted statemnnl.s of tlio misrepresenters, nnreliabililiscrs, who monstrosically pcrvertify us for tho purpose of injuring tlio crcdit of the country, which they have done, and yet the crcdit of tlio crcdit of the country is higher than ever." That is what Sir Joseph would fay. Indeed, it is .what ho would say in any circumstances whatever, from tlio opening of a new |>ost oflico to tlio ordering of a glass of apollinaris.

"I can't ondhorstnn' all this throublo over what happened in Maine," said Mr. Dooley. "Wlielher they've restorred whisky t' Hi' constitution, or whether they haven't, or whether they've only got t' til' stage iv ordherin' red herrings in prep'ration f'r a noble ushcrin'-in iv th* glad day whin th' soun' iv Hi* beer-pump will not bring th' police on th' run—theso is questions that ar-re kcepin' all kinds iv respectaljlo peoplo nwako at night. Wan man grinds his teeth an' turns palo an' can just keep fr'm screamin' with agony at th' thought iv liquor in Maine, an' clean forgets th' public debt iv eighty millions. Another sweats at th' ideo iv a continued drought in Maine, an' doesn't notico that ho has t' wear his suits longer than ho used an' cut down his holidays. What does Maine matther? I'm more interested in Thripoli, an' me inthercst in Thripoli is just equal t' your inthercst, Jawn, in th' ionization iv thorccm. Annjrwan wud imagine that these here quorts about what happened in Maine was evidence iv th' fac' that everything that end happen in New Zcalan' has happened, an* they ain't annythin' more t' happen. 'Maine!' I says t' Hogan, 'rot!' I says. 'Ain't there annythin' here that ye can bo excited about? Ar-re yo on th' roll? No,' I 6ays, 'an' can ye.pay yero rent? No, ye can't, an' there's a pinch ivory veok,' I says, 'an' yo talk about Maine.' 'But,' he says, ' 'tis turr'ble imporrtant,' ho says. 'Arrh,' I says, "tis imporrtant t' no wan but Maine. D'ye think that Maine is sittin' up over its beer wondhcrin' what happened in New Zealan'?' 'But it may afTcc' votes,' ho says. 'Divil a vote,' I says, 'an' I'm sick iv you an' Kelly an' Muldoon an' th' lot iv ye. With yere own premises standin' in need iv repair, which is mo metaphor f'r sayin',' I says 'that this young counthrv's on th' bend an 1 needs sthraightonin' out an' clcanin' up,' I says, 'ye worry over Maine and Thripoli an' whether Johnson will carry his eighteen sfcono into retirement. I'm sick of ye all. What matther whether Maine is dhrunk or dliry? What matther if this country goes dhrunk or dhry? Th' firrst thing is whether it will go honest or not.' I can't ondherstau' these fellers that neglec's their wives an' families an' spen's their lives worryin' about th' position in Senegambia or th' crisis in Java, or th' thirst in Maine, or th' onclad state iv the natives in Bolivia. Maine! Maine be blistered! In this case me frind Joe Warrd sets an example that f'r wance th' people shud folly." "How ?" asked Mr. Hennessy. "Ho ain't thinkin' iv Maine at all Maine? ho says, if ye mention it. 'Maine?' AVhere's that? Does it nood a bridge or annythin!? Just let it name its wants,' he says. His mind, ye see, is runnin' on fac's; not on what happened in Maine, but what's likely t' happen hero."