THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1229, 11 September 1911, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. .{By M.C.K.) Amongst the long list of items that make up tho Government's policy aro two that should sweep tho Reform Party out of sight. They are: (1) Cheapening cost of living, and (2) maintaining stability of tho Dominion's finance. It is understood that the first of theso is derived from an ancient source, and when tho Bill comes down it will be found to bo based on the edict of the Eastern potentate who commanded that poverty should cease forthwith. Originally Sir Joseph Ward proposed to Cabinet that tho operative clauses should read: (1) On and after the date of the passin;; of this Act the cost of living shall be reduced by ICO per cent. (2) The Goveruor-in-Council shall, issue such regulations as are deemed necessary to the carrying out of this Act. It was pointed out, however, by- Mr. Buddo that the Act should be freo as far as possiblo from compulsion, and it was decided, accordingly, to simplify the Act, which will have only ono clause:— Ever? person, on payment of 2s. 6d., shall be entitled to receive a license authorising him to live on five shillings a week. The second proposal—maintaining the stability of the Dominion's finance—will, be carried out by a proclamation to the effect that the Dominion's finance is stable. la a supplementary Budget to bo issued shortly, tho Government will announce further proposals: Improving the weather. Preventing bad oysters. The improvement of tussocks. Encouraging ,tko laying of doubleyolk eggs. Regulating tho tides. Abolishing the fluctuations of the London market. Elevating tho moral standards of the race. Keeping tho flies off tho meat. Thero will also be measures dealing with incubators, lost threepences, Alpine lichens, footpaths, cathedrals, whiskers, and. the development of tho voice. In the course of one of the twenty or thirty speeches, in which Sir Joseph Ward endeavoured last week to convey some sort of idea of his opinion concerning The Dominion, lie said: "I am quite calm." In the fret and fume and fever of ' this age of rush and roax there aro happily some paesages of peace—circumstances soporific, where you drowso away. and snore, where the calmness .laps you round and brings you ease:— Mr. 'Hindmarsh at tho Council when you mention Mr. North, the Strait when southern tempests are about, tho Sydney legislator when tho coppcra drag him forth, -or Johnson when no's knocking someone out. These are soothing circumstances; but to find tho peace supernal, the absolute and ultimate of bairn, you should go and hear Sir Joseph on "a certain local journal." p.nd you'll marvel at his monumental calm. Soft and soothing then his voice is. as an ancient watchman's rattle, slow and stately as a bolting mule ho treads, the calm,is as of crockery shops when called upon by cattle, the quiet as;of cats upon the leads. The calmness of tho fireman when ,at 10 p.m. he'll strike the cool and soothing pavement with his nose, the pcaco that comes of looking for a gas-leak with a light, and the other happy, studies in ' whenever The Dominion looms across his lino of sight, are as nothing to this sober calm of Joe's.

You haven't heard of tho Christchurch Newspaper Beading Club? Send a postcard. No more dull mornings. Pretty problems instead of prosy pars. .In plain English, the business of reading the "Lyttelton Times" is a high intellectual pleasure, as tho following sample paragraph, takon from Wednesday's paper, will show you. It seems to be the solution of problem 9659G-1 in Competition Q:—

Jt was erroneously stated in a. report of Mr. C. E. Salter's remarks at the meeting of the Taylor Memorial Committee on Monday that Messrs. Salter, Cole, Isitt, and W. 11. Bishop, S.M., had gone to the Valuation Offlco to make inquiries into the condition of Mrs. T, E. Taylor's finances. For the name 'of Mr. Bishop that of Mr, J. M'Combs, secretary to the fund, 6honld bo substituted. "Mr. Bishop states that he never visited the Valuation Office, or investigated the figures, and has not verified them on any occasion. In tho report of Mr. Isitt's remarks, Mr. Isitt was made to say that lie and Mr. Bishop had waited on Mr. Salter. Tho name of Mr. Cole should be substituted for that.of Mr. Bishop in this connection.

This is tho composer's solution. But thero is another way. You cut twico and take another card each time and substitute Mr. Salter ,for Mr. Isitt. You will then find Mr. Bishop in dummy's hand, and Kt. x B. Mates. Nobody guessed the solution, but a special prize of 2s. Gd. was awarded to "Pro Bono Publico," who suggested that Mr. Salter was really Mr. Cole in disguise and that Mr. Bishop was a red herring. By way of settling the controversy over the reason that 'impelled Mr. Fowlds to resign just at this time:— Tho commonest phenomenon that doctors ever find Is the influence of tho liver on the workings of tho mind. Love, remorse, hysteric gladness—all those feelings of unrest That you fancy are the fever of a Bpirit unexpressed: Ask a, medico tho Question, And he'll say they're indigestion, Merely visions duo to somcthins lying heavy on your chest. Mr. Fowlds heard voices calling, in a dim confusion tossed. And his heart was strained with longing to desert his comfy-post; Then it dawned at last upon him that his Testlcss feelings meant That Humanity was calling, so he simply up and went; And it almost makes me cry As I seo him rambling by A roving, restless figure on the floor of • Parliament. Ho thought his soul's unrostfulness -betokened a command Direct from-Heaven to quit tho same and play a lonely hand, To preach a new Evangel, to re-orgauisc the age, . . To seize the dog's-eared book of Life and turn a brighter page. ■ He omitted to remember That it's getting near November, When the mob imagines vanities, and men on platforms rage. What he thought was Inspiration was the normal wish to slip Through the nearest open porthole from the rolling, sinking ship; Tho vojee that seemed of Heaven, and that stirred his heartstrings so Was a, simple human instinct that 'twas quite high timo to go, Forewarning that rejection At the general election Is a likelihood attaching to alliance with Sir Jco.

So, when far stance voices fret you, and you sco strange lights ashine, Haste away and buy somo bromide and some boef and iron wine. Don't imagine that its spirits cause thoso spots before your eyes; It isn't psychological: it's want of exercise. Think of Mr. Fowlds's case— Jloti he left a comfy place 'Cause ho thought ho heard a summons saying, "George, my lad, arise." When tho High Commissioner turned tho corner into I lie street in which his offices aro located, he saw a surging mob of 20,000 gcoplo, .with ihjco thousand

police, .1 squadron of tho Scots Greys and Mr. Winston Churchill striving to keep order. - Wondering vaguely whether Peter the Painter might not have been identified as "E. Jl. Smith," ho approached briskly. "Hero ho comes!" someone shouted, and the mob broke into a deafening rorr of welcome. "Good old New Zealand! Three cheers for Now Zealand! Tho home of Dreadnoughts!" Sir William entered his office, and waking up the chief clerk said, "What's this all about?" "What's what all about?" snapped tho clerk, very naturally annoyed at this unusual disturbance, of his morning nap. A sergeant of polico entered. "Sir William," he said, "I am instructed to say that the Home Office forbids the performance." "What performance, my man?" The sergeant coloured, but kept his temper. Ho did not like chaff. "1 am instructed to arrest you if you attempt it," he said in a steely, voice. "But, my dear man, I positively do not know what you are referring to. What is tho crowd here for?" Tho sergeant started with surprise. Sir William was evidently speaking tho truth. "Didn't you insert thoso advertisements ?" said the astonished policeman. "What advertisements?""Here's a rummy go. And you didn't read the 'Times' leader, or Lord Eosebcry's letter this morning?" "No, I don't often—that is to say, my good felloe', I occasionally— er—occasionally —er—l—Mr. Brown, do you know anything about this?" "This, sir? What, sir?" "This is a very rummy go," said the sergeant. "Do you mean to say you haven't seen tho full-page/ advertisements in all tho papers announcing that you would appear in Maori costumo at tho head of the great Maori troupe and dance hakas every half-hour, interspersed with demonstrations of how to cook New Zealand lamb in paper-bags? The ads. weTe signed with your name. Didn't you see all the.editorials about it? The 'Daily Mail' had interviews with you- about it. Weren't you interviewed? All London has been talking about it for a week." Sir William turned pale. "Is all this true?" ho whispered. "Brown, get tho papers." Brown dragged some bundles from tho dust-heap, brushed Hie cobwebs off, and unwrapped them. Sir William grew paler and paler as lie read them one by one. "I never saw them," he said. "It's a monstrous practical joke," and fainted.