THE SEVENTH CIGAR.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1216, 26 August 1911, Page 6

THE SEVENTH CIGAR.

MY AUNT SOPHIA. AND THE SEATS OF THE MIGHTY.

(By "Wi.")

"In order to complete your political education, aunt," 1 suggested, inserting the end of tho weekly lat cigar in the guillotine, "it will be necessary for you to visit Parliament House fairly often. There's nothing like seeing things for yourself, you know." . "I had thought of that," said Aunt Sophia. "You can get a ticket for the Ladies' Gallery, and sit behind tho seats of .the mighty some evening—it's rather interests ing, occasionally, if you happen to be lucky enough to l)e there when there's a big debate on. Other times it's as dull as ditch-water." "You might describe it to mo now, Charles," suggested Aunt Sophia, with an air of interest. "I think 1 should lie rather at sea if I went there ivithoat some preconceived notions." "I don't know about that, aunt," I replied. |Treconceived notions are a bit of a nuisance sometimes, although they are occasionally convenient standards to measure your results by. I once had somo high-falutin' preconceived notions about the dignity of Parliament and the erudition of its members. • "Oh," said Aunt Sophia, with an amused air, "and what bctame of tnem?" I blew a cloud into tho air. "They vanished, my dear aunt. Vanished on the occasion of my very first visit to tho House. You see, aunt, for c any years I studied politics just as one of the 'men in the street,' as it were. I read my daily paper, which professed a fine independence in political thought, and I also read 'Hansard.' Since that time I havo come into closer tonch with politics and politicians, and I perspire to think of the unadulterated piffle " "The unadulterated what, Charles?"^ "—unadulterated—er—nonsense. Yes, —unadulterated nonsense—ha—hum " "Well?" Aunt Sophia gazed at me with a censorious eye. "That is to say, aunt," I pursued, "when I reflect upon the amount of political nonsenso which I swallowed without question in past yea>-s I almost begin to think that tho country could not have held a greener, more credulous,- and gullible and unsophisticated young man than I -was at that time." "I don't think that it could have, Charles," murmured my Aunt, bending over her note-book. "In your hurry to—to—swipe mo to leg," I "began wrathfully, "you " "Speak in plain English, Charles," interrupted Aunt Sophia, in a muffled voice.

J frowned. "You've entirely missed tho point," I said, coldly. • This frivolity, from Aunt Sophia, was not seemly. "Dear mo!" said Aunt Sophia, looking up, "I am really very sorry." "H'm," I commented. "What I meant to convey was that unless a man goes to tho House and sees for himself what manner of men have been entrusted by tho people with legislative responsibilities, he will be unable to estimate at their true value the sentiments of members as reported in the press and in Hansard, the Parliamentary journal." "I don't quite follow you," said Aunt Sophia. "Well," I said. 'Tut it this way. Suppose we say that you rely solely upon the newspaper reports of Parliament for the matter upon which to construct your political opinions. Very well, Aunt. The space of a newspaper is necessarily limited. The whole available space of the paper woud not suffice for Parliament if the proceedings' in the House and in the Council were reported in detail, so it is left to tho judgment of tho reporters to convoy to tho public what they consider to bo tho essential portions—tie essence of tho day's Parliament, to put it Hint way. In other words, if a member says anything worth reporting, his remarks are noted, but if ho simply talks to his electorate, or to tho gallery " "I don't quite understand," interrupted Aunt Sophia. '' .

"I mean, a country member, or a town member for that matter, may get up during a debato and drivel away for ten minutes or so just for tho sake of getting reported in Hansard. Then ho can circulate copies of Hansard amongst his constituents to show that he is looking after their interest and what a big part ho plays in tho politics of the country. . Ho is not' considering the interests bf the country—he is only considering votes; the votes of his constituents; and he is after them. Now, Aunt, that's not tho point of merit we're after. Tho point is thisWhen Mr. Blank, M.P. for Cow Flat, gets up in tho House, does ho say anything worth reporting?" "I. see," said Aunt Sophia. , "N I ; Pursued, "when you go along to the House, you want to take a careful note of the various speakers, make np your own mind about their qualifications, and when you next read their reported utterances in the newspapers, you will be able to estimate them at their true value. Suppose, for example, that in one long speech by Mr. Glover, of Auckland, or by Mr. Poole, of the same place—for they are both much of a .muchness—the reporters got about three lines of sound commonsense. You would read these three lines, of sound commonsense in your paper next morning, and probably say to yourself—if you did not known cither of these estimable gentlemen—that succint comments of the nature of those reported were an indication of so much political capacity and .discernment. Not knowing these gentlemen from personal observation or hearsay, you would be ignorant of the probable circumstance, that something like 200 lines were spoken, and that only three of these 200 were worth reporting—sec?" "Yes—l see. But are you not rather hard on. Mr."Glover and Mr. Poole?" said Aunt Sophia. "There have been occasions, Aunt," I replied, "when both Mr. Poole and Mr: Glover havo spoken in a debate, and tho newspapers h'a'vo not even noted tho event, or have merely.recorded that they 'also spoke.'" "H'm—l see," said Aunt Sophia. "By the way, Charles, you were going to describe tho House to mc." "So I was—l forgot. Well, here's the picture. Imagine a long, low room, ill-lighted, ill-ventilated—the air is something frightfu on a hot night—with an amphitheatre, of benches, of which the centre of the complete circle would be the Speaker's chair and the bible. Now, you want to know where everybody sits— everybody who, for better or worse, is anybody, I mean. Very well, imagine that you arc seated in tho Speaker's chair, and that you havo been nodding during a dull debate." "Havo you ever seen him (the Speaker) nod, Charles?" . "I have jecn him seated in his chair, when things were slow, or when Mr. Poolo was talking to tho Hansard reporters, with eyes closed, and an expression of suffering on his countenance. I have watched him often. The eyes would slowly open, and encounter, with a slight shock, the solemn visage of Mr. Craigie. I once had to listen to Mr. Craigie. lecture, on Robert Burns, the Scottish "pawit," as lie. described the bard, and 1 have no wish to hear Mr. Craigie again. 'The. applause of listening Senates to command," my dear Aunt, is not Mr. Craigie's portion. "You are very hard on the poor man, Charles," complained Aunt Sophia. "Didn't I have to listen to his lecture •on 'Robert Burns—talk not to me of mercy!" I replied, dramatically. "However, my dear Aunt," I continued, "en route to tho Ministerial benches, your eye, hurriedly leaving Mr. Craigie, would encounter _ somo of the most depressing members in ho House." "It's all bad with you, Charles," complained my Aunt. "The good things aro coming last, my dear Aunt," 1 assured her. "Well—these depressing members?" "There's Mr. Hall, Mr. St'allworthy, more uninspiring even than Mr. Craigie, though they talk more; then there's Mr. Ilogan who is what might be termed the quintessence of party submissiveness; then Mr. E. 11. Taylor—words fail—Messrs. Poole and Glover, and lastly tho Ministerial benches. Then you switch your eve round to the opposite side, to the Reform party, passing en routo our uncertain friends, Messrs. Arnold and Wilford, the well-meaning, but dismal, Mr. M'Laron. That'll do for a start—eh?"

"I should think so. Charles," replied Aunt Sophia, "I want to go to tho Ilonso with a. proper feeling of respect you know." . "Well, your own judgment will assist vou to award respect where it is due, Aunt. I'vo simply indicated n few whom you might be deceived in-Gwd night,"-