THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1174, 8 July 1911, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-£YE YIEW, p* M.C.K.J: It canio to tho turn of Mr. G. W. Rus- • sell (M.P. for Hagloy Park or somewhere) i last week, and he put it this way; "If tho Government ceased borrowing and i tho public works stopped, things would I go into a stato of chaos, and tens' of i thousands' of peoplo • would bo walking . the streets without work and without : food." Tho intelligent foreigner rend this, and turned to his neighbour, a good ; Warditc. , : "So your Mr. Russell opposo to the 1 Ministry? He pessimists/ is this not?" ;' : "No,' a Liberal, Rickety is true blue. , An optimist," "But how? You mock you of me. How inn optimist, this mister? Nothing of ' more .obvious than that he esteem not his : .country." ' '. ' ' ' •;■ "What! ...Why,: Rickety loves : and ad- • mires' his country. It's Bill Massey is the .'.pessimist and traitor."-. • .'.'Massey! Ha, one has. spoke to'mo of ; 4im. Ho revilo his'nation, is this not?" "Rather! Regular old traitor." ' "The doggish mister! •Ho say, I figure, "■that if tho nation borrow Mess, it'col•lapso? He say, is it not so, that the na- ! tion la'ck'.the backbono to live: without' !■ heavy borrow?" ,■■■■•> "No, you've got it all wrong. Ho wants, I, to reduce borrowing. Ho fays tho country can do with less borrowing, the ,■ traitor." ':'...,; ; "But T understand .not. Then what is | the optimist? Is he not that one which :bolidvo honesty of Government possible?" L. "No. You see, an optimist is one who ; supports Sir" Joe. 'Massey attacks-our credit." '' •. , .-• • ■■' ■;''".-, !'• ."But you are laughing? No? Does'this' 'Massey, then, say. the country itself is 'villain, or only that it is the Government ,'ihat is'villain?"' .'■,:,,' ' - "Well, he's a traitor, and. a pessimist." .' "But he 'believe in his country. Why not? A:.traitor otherwise. He imagine .Jiis nationJiave not all this.ne.qd of tick. .He hope great things of his.nation's virtue, •and strohgth. But your optimist—what he?\He say:.' Stand up, native land, -nnd—fizz, houm, pouf—you will.bust. Rely on. yourself, native land—and, pop! you ,RO bung.' I, do not comprehend. Your , politics,.lie is very difficult." ' "I know 'you're wrong, somehow, but ' I can't explain. You're wrong, anyway." ; Dr.' Izard, whoso policy is that there ought to bo a doctor in Parliament, is : quite the talk of the nursery already. His ': talks to women, it is held, aro far better ■than.political speeches. .Say, why IsHerdman in the dumps? Aha! a parlous question! .'Because his ■ rival overtrumps ! Him with a. lecturette on mumps Or something' as to stomach pumps ; Or baby's indigestion. Uo mass of argument can shako '. Tho doctor's diagnosis: ; It's all- a terriblo mistake ■ To trust tho law to thoso to make . '■ . • Who. could not tell. a ,stomach-ache From, pneumoconiosis.. ; What chaiicc have elonuenco and .brain ■ i Against a bedside manner? - , That 3l.F.'s; arts are all in vain Who couldn't cure an ankle-strain Or modify tho voter's pain With Ipecacuanha. . Financo? Taxation? Labour? Land? With?Cthcs6'"what Statesman bothers?. Let sordid persons take their stand ;On planks liko these.' Our native land 'Most needs : tho,statesman who can hand Out baby talk to mothcTS. , , iHo will not deal with common Bills) | He doesn't know about 'era; ! But wait until it comes to pills, Wait till tho' House discusses squills Or housemaid's kneo or infants' ills— ;. It couldn't do without him. i ""And now, John," said Britannia, "let i'us get back. They can't possibly, seo you waving any longer. And you must be tired, and you'ro quite red in'tho face." ! "Pit, my dear, not, a- bit tired," said Mr. Bull, replacing his hat on his head. •"Not v. bit tired. • They're good young- ■ Bters, ' Britty—good youngsters. No malico in 'em at all; and I like to see • J em havo their iling." "You nice old John! But I do not •and will not and shan't—simply shan't, John—shan't liko that superior little doctor." , "Sir John, my pet—Sir John," said Mr. Bull with gentle reproof. "I liko his ..spirit. Perhaps ho is just a little raw; 1 was raw myself once. But he has gone ;away happy, and i am happy, and no ;harm -done. I flatter mysolf I was tactful. 'Mr. Bull,' ho said, 'you are a 'slave. You don't .know what, freedom means.'. 'Well, I'm'a'plain old buffer, you know, Sir John,' I said; 'just a ,plain old buffer, and to tell yon the truth I've been rather 100 busy-Dread-noughts, you know—too busy,, to , keep ; ; quito up in these things.. Now yon,-with' j your advantages—l wish I'd had 'em, but never mind—you might givo' me a hint or two. I did think freedom was my principal line.' 'Well,' he said, 'you haven't any, Mr. Bull. I grieve for you, sir. Wo in New Zealand griovo for you. We have freedom, sir, in New Zealand— we arc the freest country on earth, nnd we feel your position very keenly.' 'Very kind of you, Sir John,' I said, 'very nice and thoughtful. And I'll keep up my Dreadnoughts. I like my children to be freo. I'vo had a pretty hard life, Sir John, nobody to look after mo, but thank Heaven my children are better off.' ,'That's not precisely what' I mean/ ho • laid." "What did ho mean?" asked Britannia. "Well, really, Britty, I don't know. But I listened very- attentively, and ho was delighted, febfar as I can gather freedom with him ■ menus preventing people from doing things, no was encouraged to tell mo somothing about Imperialism. 1 must really read it up. •'Mr. Dull,' ho said,' 'you are not an Imperialist.' 'Perhaps,* I replied, 'perhaps ypu aro right. But -what with tho family, Germany, Dreadnoughts, and nil'that sort of thing, well, I've-not much timo for reading.' 'In New Zealand,' he said, is keener than r.uywhero else. Compared with New Zealand, Britain is almost disloyal.' Well, ■ Britty, I got out of my depth there, and I'm ,afraid I didn't profit as I should havo done from the hour's lecture that followed. But," and Mr. Bull twinkled, "I looked beautifully humblo ami ashamed. I even groaned." "That was not quito nice, even though ho was such a superior littlo man," said Britannia. "Perhaps not," Mr. Bull cheerfully admitted. "But ho was quito happy. Ho wound up, 1 remember, liko this: 'Mr. Bull, you're not what you' were.' So I quoted my friend Mr. Punch. 'I never was, I'm afraid,' said I. 'Then try and do better,' ho said, and buzzed off in a motor-car. But ho has good enough intentions. What d'ye think he said to mo when saying good-bye? 'Mr. Bull, I cannot modify my opinions, but don't bo downcast. Think, strive to be free, learn about tho Empire, road!' And ho gave mo a copy of his book. 'My littlo guido b wisdom,' as ho said, I looked at tho title: 'Humbugs and nomilies.' 'Thank you,' I said, 'you have already taught mo 'something about' them.'" "That was sitnply vicious, John/'.Eaid -""•itanniq;.

But Mr. Bull only laughed. "It weal over v his head," ho said.

"My speech," said Sir Joseph Ward to an intervicrwer, "would, I should say, havo run into twelve columns of tho London 'Times/ Tho precis, as you know, gave about ono column." Thcro are many things to bo said about this. First of all, it is pretty obvious now why tho other delegates firmly placed tho foot of scorn 4pon Sir Joseph Ward's scheme. When ho began, no doubt, they wcro resolved to support him. Subsequent stages were as below:— At the J-column. post.—Delegates inclined to modify tho motion before passing it. One column.—Delegates mentally Tosolving to modify motion drastically, but to compliment the mover warmly. ' Second column.—Delegates determined not to support motion, but to compliment mover very heartily. i Third column.—Delegates resolved to express their high appreciation,'of mover's aspiration. ■> '; Fourth'., column.—Delegates .'resolved to offer mild criticism in opposition, Mover hero concluded first sentence,of:speech. ■ "'ifth column.—Delegates looking glum and thinking hard. '.' Sixth column.—Delegates growing bitter... ~.".. . '■'■' ■ Seventh column.—Delegates determined to deal severely . with- motion.. Mover here,ended,,second sentence.... Eighth,;;'ilihth,' "and" tenth'! 'columns.— Delegates."comatose;'.,, Mover going stronger than over. Eleventh column.—Mover stops to drink glass of water. Delegates wake and glare balefully. • Twelfth column.—Delegates reject motion with enthusiastic fury,'thoroughly convinced by argument of-folly;, of motion. ..-.- . .-■ :•> '' That is what happened." ,But, ,pf course, the speech would-not 'have-'run into twelve columns of any paper, excepting at advertising rates. There are, as already observed, lots of things that might bo said; but only ono thing needs saying, and that is, that an Empire whose Prime Ministers can bear twelyo columns of talk in the Ward language still retains that power of heroic endurance which, etc., etc., etc. Let us rejoice, therefore. Our, evening contemporary says that "the Dreadnought has proved a very Frankenstein to tho people of. tho Old Country." This is reassuring.. Most people had thought it had proved to bo something liko tho monster that Frankenstein created and that destroyed tho poor chap. •