A FAT CIGAR.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1172, 6 July 1911, Page 6

A FAT CIGAR.

■ ■ t>— MY AUNT SOPHIA, AND THE BARONET.. (Br "AVi.") Being poor—horribly poor—my indulgence in fat cigars is of necessity restricted to about two a week.. On these occasions— I'call thorn State occasions—it is my custom to lie on tho sofa and indulge in tho pleasing, fancy that I am a millionaire, living in a most undemocratic-country, and possessing automobiles, horses, steam yachts, and lackeys -whom I might kick if they displeased me. Wherefor you will (■ay that it is just as well that my cigars do not run' to more.than two a week.

Well, perhaps so. ! If our dearest wishes are tho inspiration -oif our day dreams, then why should my fancies—inspired by i fat cigar—run to. the enjoyment of tho privileges of unlimited wealth in an undemocratic country? Why should I de(ire to possess lackeys whom I might kick If they displeased me? This in a demojratic environment' is u revulsion, is it not? Well, then, I have suffered u revulsion, that's all. After one has lived and moved in a pampered democracy which, at any timo of day, can lead its Cabinet Ministers by the noses, one is liable to revulsions ot this sort. The Cabinet Ministers do not put it that way. They say: "Wo are the Elect of tho People," therefore we administer to the Will of- tho People." They 110 not say: "Wo ; aro elected,' Governors bf the People, therefore we will Govern the People, in the People's interests. When the Noisy People clamour for the lloon, they shan't have the Moon, and if the Noisy People persist in clamouring for tho Moon, they will be lined up in the market place and shot. Wherefor tho Silent People will, applaud." But this is bv tho way. The other evening I was lying oil tho sofa, smoking the weekly fat cigar, and gazing out at tho harbour lights-the lights of tho capital city of a democratic, free, and cnlightened country. I had just, in iancy, thrown a boot at my valet-de-chambre, when the gato clicked, a pair " of prdciso feet crunched tho gravel path, and someone gavo the knocker two very precise' taps, I sighed, came down to earth, and since there are no lackeys in my material world, got up and went to tho door. It was my Aunt Sophia, and the big fat cigar had but lost half an Inch ot' its substance! "Well, young man?" How I detested 'Aunt Sophia's conventional salutation. "How d'ye do, Aunt," I replied,- and ushered her in. At the door of lny sittingToom she paused, and snillcd. 1 n jV sho exclaimed, "what an Charles, you have been smoking cigars. "Pardon me, Aunt, I have smoked halt an inch of cigar." ■ "Well," she replied, still smiling, ."you've smoked enough,.l hope." "This cigar, Aunt, cost mo a shil-

lh "A whole shilling!" gasped my Aunt S °"Yes?' I replied. "Threepence of it has gone. Would you have me throw awav the other ninepencß? I wilt, it yon 11 buy me' another." .- "Buy you-another! Waste a whole shilling on i cigar!" she exclaimed. "Cortainly not, Charles. Finish it, if you must," she added . . i shall endeavour to put up with it. X callously revived tho waning tire at the end of the cigar, and returned thanks in a'.l .sincerity.. By and by AuntSophia, recovering lior equanimity, spoke of the objcct of her. visit. "L am-.going, to take up politics, Charles, she announced, in tho manner of one promulgating a fiat.- . . , "What!"-I exclaimed. In my astonishment at this totally unexpected and quito inconceivable statement, I nearly put tho wrong end of tho cigar between my teeth. "If there is one thing that I detest more th'an another, Charles," she replied, with asperity, "it is being shouted .at. j. apologised, and returned to the cigar. Aunt Sophia pMoeeded. "I said .that I intended to take an active interest in political affairs." "Good idea," I commented, politely, for want of somothing better to say. "I think that all women should kpow something of politics, m, order that they may 'vote intelligently." "Well—can't their husbands advise them how to voter" I observed, glaringly indiscreet. I forgot that Aunt fropbia had never gone in for a husband. I mean, I overlooked the fact that no man had mustered up courage to go in for Aunt Sophia—a distinction, with a difference. for it explains Aunt Sophia. "Husbands!" she remarked, disparagingly. "Men!— Bah! Women should think for themselves.' Do yon think that women are without brains, Charles?"

"Not at all, Aunt—not at all," I replied hurriedly. "Pardon ine if I have suggested such ai thing. What do you propose to do to begin with, Aunt—join a league?" ."Well, I was thinking about it,' she replied. "But. I want your advice about various things first." I felt honoured, and said > so.

"Evory man of intelligence ought to know something about politics," she remarked. I perceived that I had been Tather prematura in accepting the compliment, and sought comfort in tho cigar. Having, so to say, flattened mo out, 'Aunt Sophia proceeded. "There are," sho said, "a number of political subjects that I don't quito understand. In the newspaper tho other day I saw that there is quito a i'uss being made about .Sir Joseph Ward being made a baronet; they don't' approve of Dr. Findlay being knighted; they say that there is something wrong about tho Cook Islands. I want to know something about these matters beforo I join tho league."^ "Which league?" I asked, curiously. "There arc two, you know—one for the co-called Liberals and the other for the Reform party." "I shall decide that w.hen I understand more about the politics," replied Aunt Sophia, quite sensibly. "Now, to begin with—why did tlic-y make Sir Joseph Ward a baronet?"

"Ask me something easier, aunt'," I replied. "That's what everybody wants to know."

"Well," pursued Aunt Sophia, "why shouldn't they make him a baronet?"

"For heaps of reasons, any ono of which_ is quite sufficient to justify the objections of the public. Hero is one: This is a democratic country, served—l won't: say governed—by a democratic Legislature. Joe Ward—l beg his pardonSir Joseph Ward, liart., I\C„ D.C.L., etc., etc., etc., was elected to Parliament as a democratic member for a democratic constituency; lie professed democratic principles, and went into Cabinet stili professing, democratic principles. Ho professed democratic principles when he becamo Premier. Now ho is a baronet. That isn't democratic, aunt."

"But a baronet can havo democratic principles, can lie not?" "That's not quite the point, aunt. I daresay he could, at' a pinch. And I daresay, also, that a deserving statesman could accept the highest titlo the King couhl give liirn without sacrificing his democratic principles—so long as he had earned that title, and so long as the title died when ho died. Hut our friend Sir Joseph has gone too far. When he dies, his heir, whom we don't know, will also he o baronet, lie will enjoy, unearned, a distinction which his father was only ablo to grasp because he was elected a democrat member of a domocratic Parliament by a democratic community.. In two generations the Ward family will have passed from our ken—l have heard a rumour that they have purchased an estate in Suffolk —and have become sprigs of the English aristocracy. ¥ou see my point?"

"Perfectly," replied .Aunt Sophia. "Another time—not now, for, it is getting late—l'll tell you more about' our iriend Sir Joseph." "And about Dr. Findiayr" queried Aunt Sophia, as sho rose to go. "We must certainly not omit *Sfir John George Findlay, a Knight of - the J3ackstairs, a politician by privilege, a—well, fes, next time. Good night."