THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1019, 7 January 1911, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. . (Br M.C.K.) "It. is noticeable," says tho ovening paper, "that sineo tho alteration of the N . observatory from tho Sydney Street Cemetery to Mount Cook the wind ■ average has been diigher and the rain record lower than previously." Personally, wo have always had gravo , 'doubts as to the wisdom of interfering in this arbitrary way with the weather. According to tho . Prima Minister tlioso who say tho recent big loan was a, failuro aro talking "absolnto rub-' bish." In view of tho well-known fact that. a' Higher Hand is always aiding Sir Joseph, a stronger term than "rubbish" might properly be applied to tho critics. Moaning over, tjie failure of his opera Beason in London, Mr. Thomas Beecliam, ; according to a cable message,observes in mingled amazement ,and indignation that an elephant standing on one-foot 011 tho top of Nelson's Column would draw a larger, crowd . than twenty-fivo "Salomes." 1 'And was it over otherwise on this imperfect planet? • ■' It was Mother Eve began it With her first and worst of faults. The morning Edon music would have had a rotten season .. ! Had tho serpent's subtle treason ; ". ' Been the "Merry Widow Waltz." Bo her 'daughters, through tho ages flock to'feed on Miss Corolli, ;'Leaving Dante, Keats, and Shelley To tho bookstore basement rats; And they're certain that their charming hands should find their occupation -, ' Not in mental cerebration,' . ; ' But as pegs for wondrous hats. 'Aa the women, so the men are:'all tho host of mental giants ' Can't command one tenth tho cliente 01 a cricketer of note. Could- the. heads ;of the churches hope -to stop the population When it's pouring to tho station Bound for Trcntham and the tote? But man, you say, has-striven, soaring up and on, et caotera, s Growing-betterer and bettercr? ' _ ■ Well, supposing that is true— ' Ain't, it plain that this resulted from the 1 shocking limitations Of tho ignorant ancient nations Who had nothing elso to do? • t 'Ancient Troy liad no'er been fought for. ■ i . Magna. Charta. never written^ If they'd had in Greece and Britain ■ ■ . , The distractions of to-day.-It's not: her - fault that Joan of "Arc is not deplored and pitied - ; !As .a suffragetto. committed - For a week to Holloway. , -

. foe public banquet held in . Auckland ■to celebrate his Excellency the.Governor's visit to Government House in that city was a .h'ugo success.- The ■principal speech' was "ail account 1 of tho ;visit "by. tho .gentleman'"appointed to .show his Excellency round tho place. iThis; was preceded by various toasts: .."His , Excellency,"'. "Mr. Glover," "Auckland," "Onehunga;" "Queen •Street," "His Excellency," "Success.to .'Auckland," "Tjio Now Era," "Confusion to: Wellington," "Tho Blue and 'Sparkling Waitemata," "Government mouse," "Mr.. Myers,"' "Tho Govern•ment Honso Grounds," "The Progress ,pf Auckland," and "His Excellency." ! "Gentlomen," said tho speaker, "his ! Excellency assured,me, on ■ starting-off," ;that ho.was charmed with the'road, rwhich ho considered , was tlio, : best ho ihad ever, •driven upon. He-proceeded jto say that having breathed tho atireosphero of many lands, ho know of jnone.to compare with our 1 delightful jair, which he thought was a 'feast in fitself:. Tho tramway poles, to which I {called his attention, 'he declarer} wore inothing" less than charming. At that j point, unhappily, there was-a tramway. I accident, but his' Excellency hastened ;to assure mo that of all tho accidents Ihe had seen most charmling. -And I smiled to think'that "Wellington had tried I ,to get 'Government ■House abolished. (Loud" cheers, duriiig •which tho toast .of. .."Government . Hoiiso" was again honoured). In fact jgentlemen, his .Excellency, talked the ; whole time, and he declared, to sum it [all up,. that he was bewildered by the 'charms about him. (Voices: Did he say pe would order ). on 6 moment. j.On entering tlio . grounds his Excellency .was again charmed,; and ho insisted on. descending;, to cut a , turf for i dispatch to England. Tlio grass, ho '■said, had a special greenness-that was ■ delightful,-and:the'grounds as a whole ;were a--dream of beauty. . (Voices: '[But did he' the order for the -— ; ). !l will come to that. On beholding the j building,' his Excellency' .removed his lihat, and. was silent for t-lie first time. 'In a few minutes.lie replaced his liat, which'. I infdrmJd him was already a very popular hat in Auckland, although made in Germany. (Murmurs.)' Ho said the building was moro than charming—ho could not think of the exact word. And yet they had proposed tho building should be abolished. (At this point, amid cheers, tho toast of. "Tri-umphant-Queen City" was again honoured). " Declaring that the boot-scraper was charming, his Excellency photographed it, and wo entered. (Voices: And did ho say- tho furn ) One moment. Wo wandered from room to room, his Excellency accompanying the progress with a running firo of exclamations of delight. 'There aro 98 rooms,' lie said, 'I can well understand •the keen interest your charming city , took, in the charming retention of this charming house.' (Voices: Then ho did say. the. order would bo, given ) Ho ,did." Loud and prolonged cheering, during w;hich . his . Excellency's 'health .wasi drunk 36 times, alternately with such toasts, as "Auckland's Progress," '.'Tile Queen City," and so on. Tho vast gathering then sang ( "Praise 1 God From: Whom'all Blessings Flow," coupled with tho name of Sir J. G. Ward.

"I see," said Mr. Dooloy, "that mo frind Joe is t' til' foro agin callin' on th' public t' help him cement th' bon's iv Empire. Thero wuz'a time whin, th' moment I woko in th' mornin', I used t' ask 'Where stan's til' Empire? Is th' ould flag ilyin' ?' An' I waited tbremblin' f'r a reply f'r 1 used t' fear that a fat Gcrrman would poke in his -gun an' say th' roof iv th' Empire had fallen in overnight. F'r years th' path'rites had mo shuddherin' as I waited f'r th' crash. But somowan must-havo tightened th' bon's, f'r th' path'rites sobered down. But th' ould • throublo, it seems, is.begun agin, lie frind Joo has been pokin' his walking stick into th' joints, an' lie' finds that til' bon's is badly in need iv cement: ■ 'I'm 110 alarmist,' 110 says, 'but th' Empire's begiiinin'. t' rattle. Th' nuts is loose. Sometliin' must bo done,' ho says. An' 110 urrges that confidence sliud be raystored bo fillin' th' ships with members of Parlymint an'-sendin' tliim to an' fro. Ye may think that what th' Empire needs is guns an' harrd wurrk.' But if ye wuz an experrt like mo frind Joo yo wud see that what is wanted is an interchange iv visits between Buddo an' Asquith. .'Nawtliin',' says Joe, 'wud strcn'then this

totthorin' rcllum. betther than f'.r Asquith f como'out an' seowo'ro'reel, ho says, 'an' mod iv flesh an' blood.' An' lot mo an' Bnddo an' Lorn'son ail' Poolo go' home, "an' tli' Mother Country will ceaso t' havo a .fit- whinover she thinks iv Germany', ho says. 'Onless th' statesiniii iv th' Empire can oat meals together reg'lar l th' links that bind us will snap. "In th' meantime,' ho says, 'I will givo tli' Empiro a, lead. Will it bo said that . I will leavo th' bon's in their present threadbare condition without sthrikin' a blow f'r th' flag? No,' he says, loud applause, 'I will not. I will step into th' broach an' savo tli 1 " Empiro till th' plumbers arrive,' ho says, 'by cablin' out mo speechos,' says he, frantic an' sustained cheorin'. Th' Empire's in a bad way, Jawn. Th' boil's is so loose that not more than a million people in London- aro awaro iv -th' existence iv Awarua. Th' London paupers nover givo more than fourteen columns t' tli' lectures iv Docthor Fin'lay. Tli' Pctoiio man visitin' London complains iv' th' shorrt Teports iv his Borough Council. goin' t' alther that. ' He sees that onless each citizen iv th' Empire receives a full -report iv th' doin's iv ivery other citizen, especially tli' citizens in this Qounthry, they won't bo anny more lion's in a year or two, an' th' Empiro, losin' New Zealand, will fall a prey t' Nicaragua." "That's turr'ble," . said Mr. . Hennessy. , . "Aw gwan. I'm only tellin' yo th? news. I only wish our 3-} per cent boil's, wuz as «throng as. tli' wans tliat Joo wants' t' cement."