THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 3, Issue 764, 12 March 1910, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

.A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. , J

(BY M.CJL)

; ■ "Some doubt," a local journal observes. I " • "has arisen as to . exactly .what ,'articles \ • *T8 to bo procured at Home . for .the new i : . ■ vice-regal rosidnnoo." We. would suggest r. . : . that: a Govornor would be rather ap- | , ; propriato- for one thing. ; At New Plymouth Judge Edwards has f's ■ Reserved for consideration the point whe- ' ther a* certain accused i»rson who ithrew a frying-pan at a' womaii can-be rightly i■■■. . convicted,' "seeing.'that; when he . threw E ": the missile it vra's - V- aimed at ai' -. . constable." Hopeful that his Honour's ; i .decision 7 will be' the" right .'one "the-idle' : .' . .' and Disorderly Association has purchased f: . " a laTgei',"6tock of bottte; cod" scrap' -iroh' :.. .iia order fittingly 'to, celebrateVthe'.j"iioir. llagna Qiarta.Tho "United States Geodetic Survey. has j.'.-"-" ' just completed the work of measuring ! ■ the equatorial .radius of the earth, which [v; 'is now stated to; be J36,378,000 nietrffi. This, , -•. so.an old identity asserts, is' iofi nearly what it used to be. Ho thinks that the. : great increase of population is account- ; able for-, tho shrinkage, since tho pressure ion the surface is so much greater. Moreover, he. points out, the average size of .- the .buildings ;has'jincreased .enormously., ■ • 'A local contempbra^.-'!wound''•iip'. .a oolumn,'"of-, news ; .'this .'.week'-/«rith [ a of dogmatio '.asserjKon', i- - - ... • Uras:';^V". . Kangaroos, wfli rebon Be'- eiinct'"-'*',/,'.'. j .. A ton of water .contains' 224. galloiis. . Bombs came into use in'l63l;.' ' i ind 'therefore; it follows, apparentJyy that'' I;.: - rthe /.iaasehold is , i^ / 6nly;thing.Sj'Bnl^^8 1 | - taethx>d. of 'argiiment' has .its. defeotsV-VThe - i." i' ; . .. gaps:, it is apt-, to bo!'left\uncoirinqed; , " . by too rapid; a passage from kangaroos'-. -t. to water.- Not everyone can ' ssie . in a flash the deadly inavitablvmoss ■with; which "the weight of water leads to the antiquity of bombs. Bacon, of . course, always did "this sort of thing, but lif Bacon had had'to advocate'the lease-hold-instead of merely ...wtiting books for .; nse in: the schools he would have gono ;' .../ in for a little elaboration.,-The elliptical method has the special drawback that it is so easily' answered. - For example: ;. . . . . . Sir Joseph Ward never rides in trims.' : ■ The South Pole is exactly opposite th» North. V" ' ; "Water freezes at 0. Centigrade. ' _■' -'Tho moa is no more. Mt Buddo nerer studied natural his- i . ' tory until late in life. ■ '■ , Mand Allan' 6 dancing clothes weigh 2£ ' ■ "grains. ' There are 1,000,000 microbes' to tho ' • square inch. There.is no blue food. . j Bain never falls on-fine-days. ,' • : Exactly 814 years have olapsed since tho ' conquest. . " A pound of tea weighs about a pound. J /' If 'you'disagree with tha reasoning, you i <will. at.least be' the wiser and oetter ( ; ; ioi inowning theso' facta. '. ' c

Canon Pollock has lifted \ a corner of: the veil that has hitherto, hung - between tho man -in the pulpit "and the snorer in the pew. "A.-lot-.uf .people,", ho coni- : plains, .."think that:,.parsons, are going to .have:heaven-sent eloquence; One;ieeis inclined to say: 'Get up and try .-yourself."' Tho following may therefore , Jbe taken to repres&jit pretty correctly'' what the average sermon. really is. ". The' in-brackets .a^^he.-, things, that the ' parson says to' himself.- It is,a.sermon' on duty:— • Duty; is. the one thins in life, that we' : Bre,\ least inclined .to perform. ■ (Hang that' fellow in the corner. ;He , seemed to smile.) There is, however, no satisfaction—no real satisfaction, that - ii,. to. 6ay-i-no;safr'nftu'ijoa/'inay - 1.. say, thattruly satisfies—{Lei me : only chaiige places ■with you for a minsrte,' my friend, and I'd freeze yon. Of ■ coarse I J m talking rubbish. ■ Don't I- know it?) —save in duty duly : duns. (BcthorlThose d's have too final a sonnd. And I didn't want to round it off just yet: And I can see that old ■. lady ; knows it: ■ Duty, .duly dono.' D, D, D. Indeed, I tbiufr a good - noncst D. would> greatly relieve rile.) ,Wo are all labourers in the nineyard, and ire must all bo V* do onr own duty before adopting a consorious attitude.' towards- others. ■ The (bote ■; and : the - ; meam, my brethren— . meam and the ' bote— I'mrrrmp!—the mote and the -beam. f<What a nuisance! All the effect lost! a would give half-crown to take that (fiolemn old owi by the shoulders, and run Bum up hero!) H'm! : Ha! And patience, fmy brethren, is the .soul of duty—un- . Jfaltenng patience,. a i..-y..-.*,.--,! f/yi* anan's opinion. if one knows-one is doing one^s, bast / -Otharsrise-h'm, ha-other- , jase' one's work is certain to be profitless oneself and to . tho world. (I- would iinake that haif-croim five shillings with' Ifceen delight. And that, . tailor (Smith is actually snoring, confound him;) ."Therein lies the "true joil of toy-th.'rrrrmp!-the joy: of toil. -take it /out of Smith wien I order my next-suit- ■ .1 will mako him feel' a. worm.):, And,' . /therefore, my brethren..■;

said Sit Joseph .Ward, when >Bsked if he had 'seen, the statement -by dir. Mackeime, .the manager'of. .'the'iias-' . iralian. .cricket team, that cricket-in-New Zealand • Has not improved :in ' the • past eisteen years. "But" there is' nothing, (more m.this slander. than ; in most'of,tho" Statements made . by' the contem'ptililS traitors who are anxious to damage tho credit of the country. Sixteen years ago the .number - of runs. scored ' in' the. season for ; tnev whole, of the country was only (including several- short'',iTins)i Jhe number of overs bowled was 2,519,314; !And,.whot do we .find, to-day; ; For'the' reason • 1908-9 the runs scored [ numbered' |38,21(J,002, and the overs .bowled- numbered ><,200,598.-... I. leave "these 'figures to speak rfor themselves. ■ 'They,show,conclusively ■that both the batting and the bowling has' cmarvellonsly ' improved. ' When the. Lib•«rol Government took office there were 98 chances, to every -successful' catch;' to'the ratio of chances to catches lias increased to the splendid total of 565. Oh, one , moment." . ; . . What I should lave said is. that the ratio of chances to catches has decreased from 565 to tho magnificent figure, of 98, and we hope to reduce' .this, amount still further under 'the. new regulations; now being considered by Cabinet- It was under the Liberal administration that the off-theory was in'troduced and developed,, and the results have completely falsified the prediction of those pessimists who urged .that .it ■would ruin this great national industry. iEvery lover of his country\nmst resent rthese foul and- malicious attacks upon ithe good name..of New Zealand.' When persons for their owii purposes give :' K>ut that New Zealand cricket is no good, jthen I say if wo are to have it said that •■we are - to permit that position to be {taken up, and which will damage ii country by repelling those who as cricketers would come and spend their money in the colony in addition to the advertisement we should, receive, then if. that is what we are to hare," I have no hesitation in saying that tliQse slanders must be. repudiated for tho good of the people as a whole." . s..

.. .For, the tenth ..day in. succession Jones went'to'-hisviSiting. :(le6k'' immediately on his arrival,. lfonie,at'.o^3o.p.m.., ''M^i7i®®dfathepg'6ld; : ; Srij.ith—," he : his fingers. ;. ' jrabel'P" » , do '' .I laid Mabel.' '"And Ayhy.o'n^e'ajth.'aiVyoir'.ss,,wild, ou writing letters nowadays?" You've spont 235. Gd. in ten days stamps, and hours and. ::time, and thsiSwn is .a perfect'.'sight. ' 1 [\Qo' and mew "it; .there's a . dear." J-j; 's - ""But ;Jolie3 had *the" vacant"stare of the abstracted:""• "Jim!""he"6uddenly ejacu- • latedr-~ ! 3)eai old Jim. -Ol course, I l-c membered him; this morning.. And I tliink I'll send the Mayor a chatty little note. By JoVo!" he was struck with a sudden -'thought.-; "I haven't written to the .city. .. councillors. . Thate twelvo more.". .- "' His ■.pen.. l ..scra.tched- busily;,ountil 11.30 - 'p.nL.'';"He';did'."postcards- during "dinner. ' i''S6veitien''.tore3 v ";"htf'.'chuckled, as he 'trotted out about ihidkight'tojthe box. . >Next day he read' Sir... Joseph Ward's .second speech on ' the progress of the country, as. indicated, by., the postal returns, and a glow.jof pride .and .pleasure overspread his face. He brought home a pound's - worth of 6tamps that evening, and.-.Mjs.r-Jones.-.decided--that this- was really .too, miich. ; . _ - >£ternly,"- f yoir , YO written to everyone you know, and to lots ,of others.' Wliat are" for?' ''Why, my dear," said J ones, "I m developing the- country. .1 can't do much, !" He meeklyvg^e.3hein-vUP.'.v.^'.<w^P' lv .mow i the larai",;^'^,:aYe' , m®i.^y ater tte; mathe dirge of .the , tlle •Jcause ehow a : falling off. ;i '"~j - 1