THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 508, 15 May 1909, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

■ < A BIRD'S EYE VIEW.

(Bt M.CJ.K.)

"It would doubtless afford immonao .plea, suro, and, indeed, to many surprise," said tho Primo -Minister, at Invorcargill, "to -find that thero was only a dccreasoof £54,761 on . total receipts." .. • Wo have, all been waiting for tho cheery philosophy in this way of looking at things, and Sir. Joseph will bo glad to know that . already many events which; under tho orude old mothod praotised in tho past, would ha.ve been occasions far weeping, have been tranaformed, by a 1 simple application of his oreed,. into occasions for rejoicing. v "Doar Father," wrote a schoolboy this week, "you will bo delighted*to hoar that I• was only 95 por- cent. short in La-tin at tJio ■ half-term exam. I thought, perhaps, you might add half a sovereign to my monthly pound.'' ■ . ■ TKo man who . was fun over by the motor-, . ear is in high spirits in the hospital. /Not only, he chuckles,' was his hat quite uninjured, but only . ono of liis logs this broken. And quite, a number of people wore delighted the other day when thoy found they had only, missed the Hutt : train " by fiv« '' : -;V.'. : ';»inutesiv." l , "'/''v 'V : 'V Abdul Hamid, w*ho was feeling greatly distressed at the recent events in Turkoy, has become ;quito anew-man sinco Sir Joseph's ■ speech. What,'' he says, "have I lost after all? Only a more Caliphatol" • If the writer bad'his choico of, occupation, he would occupy a seat on the Supreme Court bench. 7lf . you aro not a Judge you may 'h uttor tho wisest romarka without' attracting" the smallest- attention ■ or: obtaining any kind . : \ of reputation. tor 1 publicity.- When you . make a joke-;somebody will observe that it is a chestnut. But once on the Bench you obtain repute and publicity for your smallest remark. 'Judge I'ring, wo wero told by cable : ■ : this week, electrified the Court in Sydney - by., sajang that ."the'marriage law is treated abominably," that "no respect is shown for, the marraigo tie, homo, or children," and' that "it is : like, a , of savagery." And our own Judges have boon obtaining . much newspaper publicity this >eek.. To be' . . ft Judgo is nicer than to bo aJPnmo Ministor. ; It,' hardly causes any remark when Sir ... Joseph Ward says that two and two aro iivo. > But when a Judge declares his emphatic con.viction that'two and; .two make four, ho figores in a newspaper ' paragraph. • "Honesty s - - -ieth6"bost ; policy "may besaid a thousand times a day, for years by- ordinary folk, but ■V , .'it is'jiot until Judge, says it .that the news- . . papers .'solemnly >write! . articles in . support;of the-theory;'. Nobody remembers' the. little verses that appear in this oolumn, . but if -they, proceeded from. the Bencih they. .' would,be cabled:abroad,' and the newspapers would congratulate his Honour on his valuable contribution to the wisdom of tho day. It has yet to bo explained , why you turn a commonplace into wisdom by putting a wig on it. ,-; ' . "Thus we trace our freedom to the Navy, I •.. end, remembering Cadiz Bay, St. Vincent, and Trafalgar, ask: How can wo help Eng- ' . land now ? ; -Thus our offer was' made m no flamboyant/spirit, but from a sense of filial ». gratitude, and ..duty.'. Henco we would ' have the, people; of Great Bntain understand that .our offer sprang ,from no ~ impulse. of. panic,, from-,-no > fear that they would forget 'that tlie Flcct of lintain is-her . all m ,all/ but. from a. growing Bense of our ■ -duty to the/Empire. .- While,however, - it is easy to justify, ex post facto, on'countuig- , (:;h6use cbnsiderations : of : self .interesti our'new .contribution, -to v the .-Navy, ; the - feeling which' : prompted. it was selfish,' but v spontaneously patriotic; /lt- but our- pride that, j.although "numbers are ' scarcelygreater .than-thosetoLsomo of her-provincial . cities,, still wo are: • > 'One with Groat 'Britain/heart- and soul; One Life, one-Flag, oae Fleet, one Throne' I - It was meant to prove,to the Old Land whose 1 greatness ... rests—ras- all -national , greatness i . »ost—oil individual .sacrifice, that,,' beneath 1 .., thoso fjir-ofl skids, wboije two.brightpointers .;. - mark ' our."(onstellation of -the crosa, wo can ■ omnlato the -spirit 'of i our forefathers:!'—Sir : J. ( 6. Ward in "Tho Standard,'V March 30. •i r', "There were many striking indications of how the offer had touched tho hearts and nrod. tho imagination of the people of the Motherland. It was, <■ he went tn to say extraordinary.- that thoigh we had a . Press .. . Association ; there - was: nothing in the newspaper cables'.,about the. way in 'which "the . news,of the .offer .was received ,in;. England, nothing of the extraordinary enthusiasm'displayed ly tho people or of the laudatory tone of the Bntish pres.?. There -must bo somettnng radically .wrong about - an organisation towards which tho whole of the press of the Uomimoo was paying when ' it - apparently wilfully ignored the enthnsiasm which was ? lch , deop mtorest to tho .people of New May a ß G ' Kaikoura, ~ Te IslanrteTfl-henlgMed, '-■■■. j - : To .whom we' give ' . Is this the fee, for loyalty— Calm joy and rorormt UpsP We pictured you eicited; ,We looked for deafening cheers, ' 1 " Eoady to boar ,the Ibnelight's glare With wadding in our ears* ' "Oar gift," we said, "Is-gratis." But did we really say ■ That what-we eald should haye-beea read ' So literally, eh? Tho faot, I'm bound to state, is

That hen we plcdguil our cash v- Our feeling was that it would cants A most tremendous splash. : - : The .cablo -page/a^pageant . ■ On which, our eyes would feast, V Hows that would show a world a-glow— Wo looked for that at,least. Instoad, tho cable agent, , Unwitting onr desire, '• ; . . .so: free from ecstasy ;', y ' V They hardly warmed the. wire. < How, when we said a .high tenso '••' " '.. Of duty moved onr. heart, .■ - v. 1 Wefe we to know you'd .think Sir Joe ■ /A'man ffublime,; apart? ;He flaiins poetic'license, •• •' Ho sees in yon a fault . V , That yon should fail to 'take his talo With just a little salt. •:'■■■ Ho doubt yon thought (and well you Might,think from what he said) . . .. That; we ..should; blush tosea. yon rush ' • And stand upon your head. Permit us then to tell you : •*. . That, as. a lion, pup, . 7: In such a case, we'd gladly face -;-:v ~ The task pf bearing up. . , When .noxt wo drop our tanner Into your hat, don't think ■r .We hate to hear a loud, long clear '. And satisfying chink. . ' ,* Or shall we change our manner, ... And, using smaller -print,,'. ./ lay 'on less'thick the rhctoric,. ■ ■ • | .. . And send a sort of hint? [Although Mr. James Thorn, who, being guito out of his teens, should' certainly Know moro than most of us, has told - us that "there's fun: in boing a Socialist," tho thing is not so easy as the bloated capitalist, groaning with indigestion, is apt to imagine. • Those .capitalists .who were .rash;' enough .to beliovo Mr.- Thorn, to-the .extent of joining the : Socialist - League', are, probably, rather .sorry "'for. themselves.: It. is "not that tho wearing 'of red ties:'is painful, though that must be bad enough. ' It is not that being n ■ Socialist. includes ; the fatiguing ? work of agreeing with Mr. P. J..O'ltoijan. ,'iho real pinch comes ' when you are promoted to tho i stage which has been readied by Mr. D. M'Laren. Attho 'recent meeting : held to protest; against'compulsory-, training ho gave' us a hint-of' the hard'labour attached to Socialism: "When .1 read that speakers at the recent Chamber of Commcrco Conference had. trotted. .gut,.'the old . phraso. ..of; trade following tho .flag, I blushed for those ;. nieh,; I do not think they. could blush for themselves." Nobody v can say .that, .Mr'. Jl'Laren is riot'working'' : very ; hard;in his galkiiterideayour to, repair tho moral arid physical. deficiencies .of' his .misguided ' fellowg£tiiion3. So manj things aro 'said that

should make him blush that it is likely that he hiu to encroach upou.hia sleeping time in ordor to leave nothing ..unblushed for. It is impossiblo that-he can voven knock off for food; _ and you need not be a doctor to know that it must bo extremely painful, and quite destructive of one's capacity to enjoy a simple meal, if one his to remain permanently pink throughout;'---Next time you feel 'impellod to Sy that-it-is a good thing to be able to firo a rifle, or that even a man with a'bit of land has rights, you will he ; doing . a kjindly':aqt,' H if you refrain. Mr. M'Laren is already blushing double shifts as it is. Endeavour to lighten his lot. , -'What is this here - rethronchmint?" asked Mr. Hennessyv ".Well, Jawn, 'tis like this.. Mo frind Joe haa. found- thai th' 'old. rule iv puttin' a Isquare peg. in. a 'rouh!.,hole is ba-ad, so he's ■ adop'-' t'-.more modhorcn method iv puttin'■ th' roun' peg in a:thriang'lar holo. ; Ho begun with himKlf: Wo wondhered why he -tuk charrgo iv,.-th' Lan' Deparrtminfc 'Whatls'Wantedy'- ho' says, 'is fresh blood, a ;Virrgin^mind,-'h'e.'says,.'a man withotrt' pre•jiidk^^Wtli."tEV.«'i'if,T»''turnup.that yo .'plant downwarrd,' says; ho. 'Whin a man,' he says, 'learrns all about lau', he becomes biassed; an'" bias is'ba-ad: ; an' yo ( can't avoid bias onless ye know notnin' about ,th' suhject. Now'l,' says lie ,'have an open min', says he, 'an' I belong naythor t' th' ex-, thremo school 'that holds that ye shud prune potatoes •in th' • spring nor t' th' morro conservative parrty: that-favours bringing them on in Perrsoually,' sayß he, 'I incline t'.thrainin' thim along a sunny wall,' x saya he, 'but I'm not bigoted,' he says. 'We'll do fine,- says ho, 'f'r 'tis notorious that th' most successful banker is th' retired plumber. ■This gen'ral principle - 'twas: that guided me in appomtin' me frind Hogg.' ■' An', that's how allth', changes, aro '.-.being' made. Now, .who cud -be betther as; th' Commissioner -iv ;th' .Cannibal Islands than Misther Snooks? You wud be puzzled t' know why ho was chosen, an' so wud I. '-Tis claro aa day. 'Who,'-says Joe,- 'has-th' least bigoted ideas about, niggers ? [ Why; Snooks,'■ aays_ hu, 'an', '■jtfi taolM'rgbod'man.v't.What's his job?, l In th' Poultbry Deparrtment,. did yo 'say?, Betther ; an' botthor,' he' Bays. Th'; new head iy : th' State Fire Deparrtment wuz a harrd nut f'r th' Primeer'.t'- crack. But he saw. what- ye,; Jawn, wud .niver see,; that th' gr-reat' thing in fire insurance-is t' bo able :.t' tot up th'-:'amount-.,"that's burned. An' so th 1. Valuer Ginral wuz appointed. 'Tis said thV head printer is t' toko charrgo iv . railways, Pr, as th' Primeer will say, we want a :man .that's used t'; time-tables. I'm thinking Jawn, iv applyin' f'r th' billot iv DirccthoT Ginral'iv. Post Holes mesilf, an' ondher th' Primeer 1 s rule.they can't rayfuso me." . , ; "Why?" asked■ Mr; Henncssy. "Because I.wance fell down a woll."