THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 342, 31 October 1908, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. • ' ' (By M.0.K.) • ' In one place,. at any rate, machinery is not going to be allowed to throw men out of work. '"We-cannot consent,"' said Sir Joseph Ward one day this week, "to the use of Dall's.voting machine, because there is ho legislation under which.'it can'be done;" The Ministerialist candidates are. naturally much pleased, land.they, declare that Sir Joseph'will find'them as, efficient ,as any kind of newfangled invention. - • "Referring to the national debt, Mr. Field , said 'that this debt had increased £28,000,000, but the real increase, was only about one-third of-that amount. The rate of interest for loans had gone down 17 per cent, since the Ballance And in face of the fact, that Mr. Field is again , misreported) the, .British moneyjender'has'to pay us 11' per cent, on every £100 we allow him to lend us, there are some people who complain of the growth of the public-debt. . : . .. "A school for teaching Chinese English," Bays a contemporary, "is to .be opened in Wellington shortly." • What is more urgently required, one may be excused for supposing from the speeches of Ministerial candidates, is a school for teaching plain, ordinary English English. It appears that the Prime Minister has a policy after all. He announced it in New ■York in these terms: "We find out,what t)w. people want, and then we do it in; the way they want it dQne." , The'following advertisement, which may shortly appear in the Government journals, 'supplies fuller details: — SALE NOW ONI! . . j The Liberal Marine Store. ; * ~ General Phovidebs. EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY GIVEN ' f / AWAY. We Supply. ; . EVERYTHING, \ From a BILLET to a BRIDGE. \ YOU want a Billet? v Come to us. YOU want Concessions? i We will give your money back.', YOU 'need a Bridge? 1 , We can supply you. . . i OUR STOCKS ANNUALLY INCREASING !.l !• 1 Have you all you need ? Ask for more. 1 ; J NO REQUEST REFUSED. Note.—YOUR VOTE is as good as anybody's, and ,' ' ' ; WE WANT IT. If you do not see what you want, send for & prospectus.. V AGENTS ON EVERY PLATFORM. ;/ Why waste.your vote? . ; ' . Bring it to us. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET IT. ' LAST DAY OF SALE: NOVEMBER 17. Terhifio, B.uiQAiNal : ' Send ipn a Catalogue. <

Several candidates for Parliament—Mr. Major, Mr. Wilford,. and others—are telling the voter and the interjector and,.the'silent person in the corner who is ' studying the candidate in order- to make sure of his aim •when his feelings < clamourfor , expression in ; turnips and eggs, that they have j learned' a great dea.l since they went ; : to„ Parliament; and that they were particularly diligent and made woriderful progress in the past three years. In the wiser'days to come there will he devised some cheaper arid better organised system of teaching politicians than the present clumsy method of" paying men £300 a year, to practise ■on ■ the public. Exaotly what shape the new scheme will tako cannot, of course; be forecasted.'! Perhaps it will be found advisable ( to set up a.'Shain Parliament/ which shall make toy laws. Failing that, we may have a Political. School, at which' the Mr. Wilfords and the Mr. Majors of that future day'will be educated much more cheaply than' is the case at present.' One can imagine the annual report upon; the. scholars by Professor Ward, the principal— Hornsby i:' A promising pupil;. abnormally receptive of his instructor's ideas f'ra.tio of ideas, to- words satisfactory /low, being now .000000002. .. ." ~

Fisher ii: A refractory pupil; constantly resists authority; refuses to-accept his instructor's teaching; certificate withheld. Ell ii An able pupil; has thoroughly mastered the art of being fiery when the combustibles are safely locked up; ideas; a. trace; obedience, 100 per cent.' Massey i: The worst pupal in the school; has sought to overthrow discipline by resisting the instructor;' responsible for introducing iiriproper' phrases into ,tho school,, such as "purity,of administration"; thoroughly deserving of expulsion; -ratio of ideas to ,Words remains obstinately high.

Now that Mr. Herdman has set the example'of quoting poetry to empha.sise his points, we may expect' to hear tHe,Ministerial candidates' breaking forth into song, and quoting Biirns and Shakespeare; The average : Ministerialist, . to judge from his Speeches, is not given to poetry. He shares Mr. Weller's views. "Poetry's unnat'ral," said that wonderful'old man to'his son. "No man ever' talked poetry 'cept a beadle on toxin' day," or Warren's blackin', . or Rowland's oil; or some o' them -low fellows; never you .'let yourself down, to talk poetry, my bay."No doubt the Bureau which supplies the Ministerial candidates with speeches will send out lists of appropriate quotations. Iu the meantime, Mr. Herdman's quotation from Omar Khayyam (or Khayzan, as the evening paper prefers to call him) recalls the fact that some new quatrains written by the. tent-maker have been discovered: i Some sigh for Glory, some for Power, and some Aspire to hasten the Millennium — Hunters of Shadows! I the Subitanco seek:; I only want the Honorarium. .When young, I hoped one day to serve the State, And yearned to bo. a Hector in debate, But.-now. the Dream has passed—l only want. Selection as Sir Joseph's Candidate. A speech all ready made by Somebody, , A wire from Joe to say 'he's chosen me, A promise of the necessary Bridge— The doors fly open to that Master-Key. The Boss commands, and'leaves me to obey,And nothing that the Opposition say ' Will Jure me into thinking for myself For lo! —I think that Thinking does not Pay. Indifferent alike to "Aye" or'"No," To right or left, as nods the Boss, I go, For He has put me here, and if 1 Kick, Jfy Cake at next election will be Dough. "Well," said Mr; Dooley, "I see me frind Joe has seen th' goal at las'. Ho has escaped fr'm th' jungle iv figures an' is'now hot fut afther th' wan policy that is thruly his own." "What is it?" asked Mr. Hennessy. "A betther national spirit. At present, Jawn, th' national spirit s thur'ly bad, an' th' wan redeemin' feachoor iv an otherwise hopeless situation is th'. fac' that we. are still glad t' continue th'. gran' policy iv gettin' into debt. 'Let us,' says Joe, 'let us have a betthor national spirit,' he says, 'an' don't let us waste time on talk about debts an' gags an' railways.. .They,' he says, 'is irrelevant, an'' they only hindher ye fr'm takin' that broad l statesmanlike view which regarrds th' national spirit as th' main thing,' says he. 'Clare yere minds iv other fancies,' he says, 'an' raymember that whin Bill Massey cries out f'r rayforrm bo is only thryin' t' block me gr-reat movement towards teachin' th' public t' look with pride on th' fac', says he, 'that we're a nation,' says he, 'even if we're in pawn,' gays ho; ■ ■■"fh' freehol'?.' he says A econn-

fully. 'Th' freehol' ?. Ye talk t' mo iv th' freehol',''lie"-says,: .'yeidare t' talk pollytics whin what ye. wan,t_ is a.:.stirrin' _iv yore hearrt,' says he.'"*'l'm done with these thrivial issues. Me platforrm is raymoved fr'm th' slums iv fac's, an' is' erected in th' bright region iv" fancy henceforrth. Lot Massey rave,' he.says, 'about th' cultivation -iv th' soil. ■ -I aim at cultivatin' th' pathri'tism iv th'.' y'ouiig,. f.'ri.'.'says .he, 'when they grow up they'll need' all their pathri'tism t' enable'-them -to' luk at their bill,' says lie, 'without, sivoonin'y ho says. An' I think Joe.wiH succeed in .gottiri' th' people :at'.taclied t' their' beloved hut. pawned native lan'. - He will, Jawn. Posterity will !be 'firrmly. attached t' -th'i'Counthry." . '!I dinjiaw," said: Mr. .Hennessy._ Why? : "Becauso it luks as if Posterity. won t have enough t' pay th' fare t' Sydney."