PRESSMEN AT PLAY.

Dominion, Volume 1, Issue 278, 17 August 1908, Page 8

PRESSMEN AT PLAY.

FLEET "WEEK JOKES.

[BY TEI.EOUAI'U.—SI'ECIAI. COKRESI'ONPKNTJ Auckland, August IG. By a happy inspiration of somebody's, tho menu curd at Saturday night's dinner, given by local journalists to the visiting Press, was dressed up as a burlesque news-' paper entitled "Tho Fleeting Hour." It was the work of several hands, and it showed that there are rare wits among tho Auckland Pressmen. The editorial, though short, could not bo called undignified. Hero it is:—

"Tho great events of tho Fleeting Week \havo now, taken their place in history. .Tlio journalist? who have been gathered-together in Auckland during the spacious and splendid days through which we havo passed have laid aside their glowing pens. Tho. Whito Armada from tho Uolden Horn no longer lloats majestic in our port. The tumult and the shouting havo died away. Lo, all tho pomp of yesterday is one 'with the Nineveh and .Tyre, but tho glory and tho honour abide with us. That tho-American nation should havo ,sent its magnificent fleet of battleships to Auckland in compliment to the journalists of the Dominion assembled, in that queenliost of queenly cities during the current week is not only an unparalleled recognition of the place now .. occupied by tlio Press in tho affairs of the world, but an act of international graciousness without a precedents in tho annals-of history. Wo are pleased to bo able to announce that this, signal mark of friendship and courtesy has moved us to place the President of the. great Republic on our free list." Then'follows "Notes and Notions" as thus:—

\Tho battle is sometimes to the strong, but the rush is always to tho fleet. Tho writer who deliberates is late. There is more joy over one "scoop" than in a million might-have-beens. Clear copy makes light sub-editing. It is not always the ready writer who has the most ready cash. A nose for news must have a mouth for gossip.

The reporting .staff is not a newspaper proprietor's only means of support. An obscure cable is like a lamp without oil.

A journalist who gathers wool wears light clothing. Some pressmen are inventors without any patent rights.. To tell the truth is laudable; to always toll-it is libellous.

A heavy leader should never bo leaded. Tho answers to correspondents includo some good things, such as: Gunner United State Connecticut, Waitemata Harbour.—No.. Armed chairs are not classed as military_ weapons in New Zealand. Middy.—A ship is supposed to bo foolishly in lovowhen it is tied to a buoy, and to be madly in lovo when hankering after a great swell.

Epicure.—Tho best form of live shell is undoubtedly tho oyster. Signalman.—Thero are quite a number u girls- in Auckland acquainted with the art of wireless telegraphy. (2) No, they do not require diplomas, only diplomacy. Vegetarian (The Fleet). —Elihu Root is not a vegetable, but a very activo and capablo statesman.

Cables and advertisements, from tho cablo columns: It appears that tho Now Zealand Navy (tho Amokura) will shortly visit America, and will in all probability be towed across by tho Dovonport Ferry Co. There is another picco of intelligence from overseas: "Our mineral wealth. Melbourne, yesterday. An influential company, with a capital of twelve millions, has been formed to dredgo Auckland harbour after Fleet Week for 'dead marines.' " <

Nor is tho harmless necessary advertisement forgotten, as, for instance: "Personal—Bill Sykos, como South at once. All tho'polico gono to Auckland. Fino opening for pushing young man liko you.— Jimmy Knuckleduster."