THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 1, Issue 259, 25 July 1908, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

———t- —— A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. 1 [Br M.O.K.] ' 30L0GICAL NOTE.—"If ho had any' money to invest, ho should invest, it in sheep. They would never turn dog."—Mr.. A. \V. Rutherford; M.P. . For the better part of a week Labour has been talking, and drawing resolves and triggers/ and still it is not clear what Labour wants. Work, perhaps? ; But Mr. Hickoy says "I'vo never looked for work—l'm looking for the. means to live." Better wages; A then? ' whole 'crop' of opinion's place that * suggestion . out of; court. What Labourthinks of. the exertion wage, and of oxertion and-perspiration; is deducible from'.the following pronouncements:— v i Sir. Parke (scornfully) : "The word should bo a 'deeds' wage and not a 'needs' wage." Mr. Rusbridge"This 'exertion' would, certainly, create bad feeling." .... Mr.' Alsweiler: "Workers in Otago had their breaths taken away." Mr.'Jackson: '"The 'exertion' clause i. , would, set .' a premium upon the > work of - scllish'men.". Mr. Long: "The 'exertion' clause was an' insult to'workers.", In- shorty-the general view of the Labourleader,' if he expressed himself in verse,- by way. of ; helping. out Mr.-Dowdle, .would bo .- ■ this:'. .... I saw 'im wieldin' 'is trowel; an', 'Eavens!,'e made it ring! • ■An' I.'eard 'is Eopen-avowal as work was a 'olesome thing, '. '' ;■ .. An' I noticed 'sweat on 'is .forehead, an' ''is ..'ands: was strong and scarred, 1 .,.,; .„. An' I'moaned at a sight so 'orrid; a wucker as laboured 'aid. I called 'im a.selfish villain. I said to 'im: ■/.-■" Comrade, 'ow . .■[ Can you'be so-beastly iviUm' to graft as yer' graftin' now. > Comrade,'Vl says, "it's brutal, yer doin' yer- -. , self a 'urt, ■ And yer oiighter stop," - but " Footle!" he v -.'answered-me sharp an' curt.. -.1 said: " You're a"' slave' ter Mammon, a- tho'r/ . bughly selfish bloke," '• /.„' ' An Vboldly hanswered "Gammon!".and laid ' .;a ; brick as he spoke. I called 'im a 'ateful .'traitor ter the hequal rights o' man, : r -- - ■■■■■ .. ' • 1- : Arid'.'e said: "You're .a hagitator, I'll hearn . - what I dash .well..can." I called 'im a 'og an' a robber, a scan and a bloomin', slave, ' ' An' v the.way.-I said it.would do great credit to - even a bloke ,like Dave. I said: " Ain't yer blood a -toilin' ter.think o' 'the yoke yer wear?'/ . t Do yor think,'in yer 'ateful toilin', how Capi- • " tal strips yer'baro?"' , "No, not," he says, "as I'knows of; I'm after. ■ v a 'oalthy wage." t . Could words be vijer than those of this blighfr lon the moderen hage. \ , , /.>,-■ , ; v Wuckers, is this-'ere nation, the land o 'the -: Czar or Turk? . ■ , , ' Down, down with all perspiration, and wuckers , as.like ter work.. ./•■.' : . .A ' local 'journal -states - that the work; which the secretary of the Wellington branch of the Navy League is ' called upon. to per-, form is increasing': '.During the past,year • he has sent over 1300 letters,, circulars, and noticos." Intense relief has been felt by ' those who feared that there-would, be a slackening 'of naval activity. : German newspapers comment bitterly on. the news. "I'm gla-ad," said Mr. Dooley,' "that' there's still a few'"ideas in l'arlymint. Th' profissors . an'; scientists an' authors an', studints that spend th' reoiss attendin't' th' ,oninspirin' cow. an''th' tranquil pig uncorrk '' ■' their - learrned, views in the session,. an'. ( th' result is that ye need't' be : a scholar t' follow their absthru'se argumints. /.' Me'frind Charlie Mills is different, an'; 1 s'lute him." :" What has Charlie done now? " ■ said Mr., Hehnessy. ; v - '■ !

"He has inaug'rated 'an ayra''iv practical pollytics. ' While th' rest .iv-us have been sthrugglin' with' statistics an', Joe Warril's prose/an' th''over-Heated -verrbs an' boiled nouns :an' burrnt adjectives iv' th' man who at / niidday'.. ivery day /'at- the'/Statueis tellin' th' serial story ' Hated Capital, or, ,\Vhy I Won't Wuirk '—while we ar-ro fumblin' with this ch'a'os iv data; me' frind Charlie, puts hisifitiger*on th' spot in wan ac'. 'As t' th' iinanceel position,' he says on Thurrsdah; fl am optimistic. he says. 'This,-why,', says he, ' that^l'see no wurrkinmen with patches on their throusers.' It reminds me ; iv a scientific society 1. knew wance. F'r three days without', cessation th' ; scientists sat in th| half discussiri' whether it was rainin', an' Hogan came in. He listened f'r'two' minutes, an' wint, out, an' oame' in dhrippin'/ '"l'is' wet,' he says,an' th',,,scientists .fainted. "/Now me frindCharrlie. wastes no time.on figures. -What's this!" he says; 'is'it th' state iv th' counthry that ye're worryin' over,' he says, an', he dhrags, in a fat wurrker.! 'Luk,' he says, 'at til':: sound state iv his throusers,' says he. /'Thero"'y'are,' says he, 'Q.,' ho says,' '1f1.D.,' says lie, 'as th? pote Bracken says, he .says. This, J awn, is th'. newrenaissance, th' begirinin' iv. a new school iV pollytics, a combination iv naturo study an', figures, Jn future mo frind Joe will' not, throuble t' compose those long speeches that read th' same horizontal, perpendic'lar, or at-anny, given angle.hey will, say, 'who 'decry "th' credit iv. th' counthry, 1 reply that only wan throusers patch is reported f'r th' whole Dominion f'r th' year.' 1 can see th' scene. ' 'What about th' "report iv th' Boot Inspectors?'; says me frind Bill Massey. 'As t'/that,' 6ays th' Primeer, 'th' latest report is! that th' holes is near filled. Wan million and eight half-soles were furrnished last year. Th'; average waist-line iv th' wurrkers is eighty-nine inches, which is a recorrd, an' wan f'y th' pessimists.' ' An' he will lay on th' table a photograph iv an averago wurrker,'an' a'di'gram siiowin' th': growth iv' sound throusers, beginnin' with th'. days before th' Lib'ral Guv'mint Item .into office, whin thero was only wan pair of throusers, ,-and grajooly showin' how, .afther a long series iv patched' garmintsj th' happy ayra has come whin, patches arrro eliminated. Th' budget, instead iv being full. iv fac's about wool an' revenue, will give th' numbor iv pipes an' pints iv, beer consumed be th" wurrkers..' . .. "An' what will th'/financial critics do then, whin pollytics has turrned'into nature study?" asked Mr. Ucnnessy. ' " They will write leadin' arrticles decryin' th' country's throusers, J awn."

" I should like to say a few words about wool—the only subject 1 really know anything aßout." If all the members of Parliament wero as frank as Mr. Kutherfordr-; in which case the public would assuredly omit to elect most of them —and if a new Standing Order were introduced to compel members to speak only on the subjects concerning which they know something, the House would be a most interesting assembly. Perhaps that Standing Order will come in due tixno, ancl the . result may be anticipated.

"No longer," said the public, "shall our time and cash be. squandered • On a Parliament wheio' stodgy men orate; We were filled with dqep depression when we saw how members"wandered In'their minds upon the subject in debate.' For our fancy ran to figures, and with sink- : ' ing hearts 1 we pondered , On the burden'of thH'gas-and-water rate. [ -"Now,-howevor, we-shall rally with a new en- .; - '-.thusiasihrV I" -To the' Hansard that wo formerly eschewed. I Where,, of old, were'.windy; nothings,. 6imply .. verbal' protoplasm,'. , , I Undigested, '.ungrhmmatical and crude,' I And'.weher' something wise and .witty was a • : -very "seldom (fp'asni, ■Now. shall''.sparkle expert, speeches.short and I good/ ~ : .. "In tho,;,happiness coming, wo shall feel : .''.JoVßang'ft'.'Pfi^tin? ' With/the" simple'imbecilities .-we read ■In ,the' pink,, familiar .numbers that the dustman «• growled at'carting And'- the' men at" the Destructor learned to : - v;drea'd;' .... . ' . ■ For an-age of'iolfd-wisdom is. upon the point of'-starting, - . And;, the era ;of, omniloquence is fled." But.-aliisi'. the joyful pulilio made a grave mis- . "calculation, ', • -And, absorbed in'pleasant dreams, contrived ...... to ■ miss : •. The grisly .gloom'.and silence in 1 the halls of legislation; -. .;- : : 'And.'ithey.',.staggered,iw.lieh' the printer pub- ' . lished .this.: "In the ' absence of . 'material to report, the ! publication .'. Of Hansard sine ..die,.suspended is."