THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 1, Issue 205, 23 May 1908, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

. A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. [Br a Casual Ciikoniclee.] Captain Rich, of the Royal Engineers, was slightly wounded in the arm, while blowing up the enomy's towers near Khapalc.—Cable item. ■ Carelessly tying up tho wound, Captain Rich stuck a piece of plaster on a slight scratch on his nose caused by a 4.7 shell that had rebounded from his head and broke on tho tmcklo of a private's belt. "Yes," he said, as lie lit a cigar from the flash of a pompom, " yes, as I was saying, I used to drive a cab in Napier onco. Perhaps you romcmbcr the incident. Threo thousand tons of tho bluff fell down and slightly injured my arm, and, curiously enough, in oxactly, the same spot where that infernal tower hit me. But I havo been wonderfully freo from accident, on. the whole "—and he languidly sliced off the head of a Mohmand who had been firing at him for some time from a five-yards range—"that fellow hurt my jaw a little—as I was saying, I have, on the whole, been very free from accidents' or illness. . In fact, the only serious illness I remember was a-slight cold that I had contracted when-1 was washed ashoro at Capetown after. I fell off the shin in the storm at Cape Horn." Neatly seizing the horse, of a charging, Sharkar, ho threw it at tho ad-, rancing enemy. "A handy thing, a horse," ho said, "and not too heavy. With elephants, you are apt to strain your wrist."

Mr. J. Horn, a candidate for tho Tuapoka seatj said " . . . he was tho Government nominee. Dr. , Chappie had merely ■ como to feel tho pulse of the people. If they were to vote for tho Government they must vote for him. . .. Ho was before thom as a local man, and would remind them that in voting for him they voted for the Government." i] , . ... My. name is' simply Horni No views have Ito offer; ' . I treat, with proper score Tho Opposition scoffer. What if I'm just a pawn? My . chance is all the greater. r < Let others with ideas make frcoj . My platform's plain as ABC "•'•'l 'am the Government nominee '.\ . . .-With.'Joseph's imprimatur. , With notions I) dispense . And dialectics nimble; I stand 'before you, gents. ' . And ladies, as a symbol. . What need for eloquence?- ' ..I'm just an abstract body: Not Horn, your friend J. Horn you see; . . ' A disembodied onfcity, The Government resides in me; . Air counterfeits are shoddy. Modest, I don't profess To think things out, and bo on But, proudly I confess, .'■ ,■ A bettor rule I go on. I vote with steadfastness, .. And always back tho stable. - . Some candidates demand support . 1 Because they're capable of thought; ' But, gents., I'm of a different, sort: I simply show my label.

Mr.' Tom Mann was advertised to lecture, last night on "Socialism; what is it?" but ho drew such a slnall house that ho refused to speak, saying tho experience was uniquo in his twenty years''lecturing. He travelled thirty-sis hours to keep the engagement.— Hastings nows item. 1 'Ave yer 'eard the noos from 'Astin's?. Ave yor; 'eard the.'orrid coos? ; Was tho tragedy reported in tho papsr yer peruse?. ... Weep, ye wuckers!' Weep fer, YAstin's!, For them .rows o' emp'y chairs,' '. , , So cold and' hunresponsive, showin' plain as . no . one cares,

Is a sign as 'Astin's' bust.- . . All me 'opes is turned tor dust, An' 'eavy is tho burding as mo 'eavin' bosom . bears. Wuckers! Think' ofVja reflections'in them long an' weary howers, ' 'Oir V wove in wreaths an' garlinds all 'is fancy's' fairest flowers; . 'Owe saw the .wuckers cheerin' as : 'o 'u'rled 'is verbal , bomb, - ~ , Saw, the ragin'. revolution as would straight- . way. spring therefrom! . f. \ Think of 'Astin's, calm and placid, • • An' yer blood'll turn ter' acid: . A ouse. worth ninepenco only met the bulgin' 1 . eyes;o',Tom! . ': r Twenty year o' fiery preachin' on the tex'. Awake! Harlsel"" v . Twenty year o' fillin' Capital with tdrror an' , . surprise; . - Twenty yoar o' 'eavy firin'—'as-it 'ad no head but this, That'.'Astin's scorns tor learn wot Socialism , really is? • tbe cry 1, of " 'Ere 'e comes " Only fetches three small thrums?! Woe! That I'should live ter witness such a metamorphosis. On yer 'ead, oh; 'Astin's, be it! Ter ; will rue the fateful day. ■ . . live ter mourn tho chance's as yor hidly chucked away. ' AV'en, the; wuckers, red an' ragin', sweep ter ' triuinp'-'full o'beer, ." > Can yer:'op.o fer mercy,''Astin's, ; w'en yer . eart is-'sick with fear?, . v n°, 'Astin's. Tom will shout ■ t ' Wipe this baleful township hout!" Givo 'em practical examples fer the specch they didn't 'ear." : "Well, Hinnessoy," said Mr. Dooley, " I'm f!r'th' new. jourmalism ivery time/' Not f'r th*. upstarrt new jourrnal that hasvu vocab'lary..so limited that th' very children in. Billins'gate cud-teach it things, but f'r th' new jourrnalism, in th' owld paper, th' brightes', th' breeziest, an! th' bist, that is looked on with baffled envy be ; th' two-up schools an' with awe be th' fireman off th' liner." ' , "I don't like these quorlsviy th' pa-apers," said Mr., Hennessy. ." Ye'ro too devoted, Jawn, t' th' ouldfasliioned things iv life. Givo me th' scrapper that soars supayrior t' th' motheaten convintions thai has lef' th' London ' Spectator 1 3 hopelessly in. the rare in th' competition f'r th 5 -pennies iv that gr-rcat an' powerful pubEc that has med Siven Diles. th' intellechool cintro iv Englan'. . 'Th', Dominion says, 1 We have th' larrgist' circulation.'. Tli' brightes', th' breeziest, an' th' bist replies, ' Our circulation, is far th' groatist. We says so.' An' th' Dominion says it .will submit itself t' investigation. An' th' town roared with laughter at th' out-iv-date ideo that th' way t' settle 'it is t' show th' figures. 'Our challenge,' says th' Dominion, ' remains open, an' in th' meantime we leave it at that, f'r we are busy.' An' th' adverrtisor goes t' th' brightes', th' breeziest, an' th' bist' an' says, ' What ar'ro yo goin' t' do ? ' • R-read what wo say in th' mornin',' says th' young man at th' counter. ' lUroad us in th' morrnin,' but take some brandy firrst, f'r,' says ho, 'it's goin' t' bo hot an' sthrong,' he says. 'An' conciusivo?' aslcs th' adverrtiser. 'An' so conclusive,' says th' clurk, ' that th' hireling up th' sthreet will ceaso publication.' An' in th' morrnin' th' adverrtisor reads it. ' We havo no timo t' talk t' boasters,' it says....'.Wo say, as we said before, thai th' organ up sthreet is a hireling, an' sw.s Jan. tvjft ji Sep fiaav.tu:flk|v_Aa L ca..

Pago two it says with that delicate firrmness that carries conviction t' th' two-up schools, ' AVo ar're not bogus like somo people. See page three,' an' so on. ' What about th' challenge?' says th' Dominion a few days later. ' Challenge,' says th' brightes', th' breeziest an' th' bist, ' rot,' it says, ' thripe,' it says, ' insec',' it says. ' An' now,' it says, ' havin' shown that th' decayed garbage tin that wuz hired bo a band iv ruffians has dhrawn a red herrin' across th' thrail, wo will wanco more say that wo are not bogus,' it says. 1 F'r an olovatin' tone yo can't beat us, an' our circulation is so gr-rcat wo can't count it. But th' Dominion, , boin' terr'ble poverty-sthrickcn as far as language an' ideas goes, can't think iv annythin' snappier t' say than ' Our challenge is still open.' ' Others,'.. shouts th' brightes', th 1 breeziest, an' th' bist, ' others talk. Wo havo no timo f'r boasters,' it says, ' an' ivo have t' reply that we arre not hirelings, an' that wo arre all pathrites, worrldn' f'r love, an' if annywan thinks wo is so base an' morrcenary as t' bo out f'r dividen's,' it says, 'wo can convince tliim iv their error.' An' so th' fight goes on. I like th' magnanimity iv th' brightes', th' breeziest, an' th' bist. Anny ordinary sorrdid jourrnal that knew it had th' bigges' circulation wud rush out an' take .up a challenge like th' hireling's, an' blow it t' that bourno fr'm which no wan ivcr roturrns. But th' brightes', th' breeziest, an' th' bist, with. th' f delicacy f'r which it is raynowned, scorrns t' profit bo such low tactics. Pcoplo may think 'tis fear that is ir.akin' it dodge th' challenge, but 'tis'hot. /It is just high-mindedness. It is too teiidher-hearrted t'. roon oven a hireling bo sliowin' its figures. An' that noble selfresthraint, Jawn, is what chiefly makes mo love th' now jourrnalism."