TIBERIUS SMITH.

Dominion, Volume 1, Issue 51, 23 November 1907, Page 14

TIBERIUS SMITH.

HE LEADS TO VICTORY. 1 nevor had the good fortuno to meet Tiberius Smith, tho veteran showman, but I Have known that other remarkablo man, Billy Campbell, and from his lips heard many chronicles of his patron's hardy and unusual doings. As ho told me these yams his eyes ofton grew moist, and he would murmur in parentheses. "Ah, but ho was a man! Heaven knows' why his folks dubbed him Tiberius; niaybo to get away from the Smith. But when it Came to writing down tho real answer lie was tho only Roman on tho asphalt." I'first met Campbell at tho "Away from Homo" Club, and as I came to know him I loarned to love him and through him his old master. And thus, as the winter nights drovo us to our pipes and the cosy companionship of tho blazing hearth, he detailed that which has until now escapod tho public ken, except as garbled press reports havo at times hinted at inexplicable situations- without furnishing tho solution. I can see now that Smith, in his worldwide wanderings in searcn of circus and menagerie furnishings or in piloting some theatrical. venturo, was. tho blind factor hi many a half . published 'equation. If I remember correctly. I had been commenting on tho frequency of revolutions in quarrelsome' Central Amonca; when Campbell first oponed his heart, filled his pipe and began tho narrative which was to charm mo for many an evening. .- .It is true," ho began; "that Central America has boon.a bargain counter in pettywarfares ' for years, and has peddled out more genuine lemons ■to would-be Caesars than any other spot of its size on the map. "Some of the disturbances havo been exceedingly eccentric, others just plain, vulgar killings; but I. doubt if ever thore was a more picturesque insurrection than that in which Tiben'us Smith of Vermont filled tho president's cosy corner for one week, and with his reservo battery of comic operasingers and his ever-reassuring 'Ha! ha!' defied all comers, "Tho passing of Tiberius and his-adminis-tiation is not mentioned in history, nor did tho consular agent hoar of it in time to stii up tho Washington newspaper men' with sanguinary wires. And probably the slob clement down known the common people, havo long since forgotten it. , But tho. story of that glorious week would make , brave reading',.., nevertheless, and'the battle: put-up by tho Green Mountain man and his corps of gaily clad'sopranos and a light brigade of gigling danseuse's, an Alpine shephord, a ■, regulation pirate, arid much groenrdom trucky incidentally demonstrates that art and scionco need 'not always stagger to th ropes because of ranting brute force. ' ."./ i

' 'Tib—you know wo called him Tib for a way of making ovoryonc and. everything, loyal to him.' m\en his • round, brown eyes concentrated in two beady twinkles you had to believe in 'him and do his bidding. "He behoved in himself and simply bubbled over with reassuranco when making tho hardest shots imaginable. And ho had the blarriedest schemes. Yet; most of them pulled through,in one way or another. "If ho didn't land what lie was gunning for he'd net something else almost, as good. So .when'lib decided to-take', a-.comic opera trope t'oV; Gilateinala City, Maisio Adams side-stopped thirty tho week,in order.to lead the ballet, and Fwas hypnotised to-go'as first t'eiidr.".Tlibre wore- twenty-eight,.of..us "all told,, four men .and two dozen .womon.

'..'.'Tiberius,-said ho could surround enough Aztec gold in Guatomala to make'bondholders of us. all for life. He believed it, and hang ino if wo all didn't, niter he'd given us a'con about, the luxurious life in the.tropics, the Croesus Dons of the Blue Pacifies, arid the like.' It -was the Dons that caught Maisio Adams and the other girls. . "Well, . wo.sailed in Novembor from 'Frisqo, bound for San Jose do Guatomala, From'there* w3 word'to take diligences to the capital! . 'Our troupe was about.all the coastwiso steamer had aboard, and when we were cobbing about off Champerico it began to blow up a regular hummer.- The. captain wanted to (land us there, but Tib said San Joso or zero, and on we rolled.

"I was sorry, arid so woro the others,, for tho storm now becamp a hurricane and the captain decided, he-couldn't make San Joso, as that port has no harbour, but is simply an open roadstead. I bolievo we word to luff, or loaf, in the offing, or thereabouts, and then beat in when the wind wont down. But' wo didn't. 'Instead, -wo boomed right by in the night, and after a miserablo' ten hours found' ourselves ; in 'Areata; ■' a'. small town that would .'make a sowing machino feel homesick.'. . ': ','■,-'

"Arcatc is made, up of a dozen woodon houses,- built .down close to the; beach, and one'street running back .about five blocks from tho shore. Along this artery of travel are a handful of native huts of.bamboo sticks covered with leaves-of ■ the cocoanut palm, while in the environs of. the burg poisonous pools of, stagnant water fill the . air. |with miasma, steaming thickly in the, 00 degrees of heat. Maisio Adams' crept down to the baggage deck and wept bitterly. -'Cheer up,-little one,' encouraged Tiberius, soothingly. 'For every tear now snetl you shall have a piec.o. of ice to wear on thoso fairy fingers.' ... "But as if the heavy atmosphere and sickening odours were hot enough, tho tip'boiler in our little craft blew up near, daybreak, and we were- forced to . go.. ashoro..in our nightclothes, where we shivered in, rugs arid old. sails until the broiling sun relieved tho situntion.- To our. joy we found our s'tngo trunks saved, but our -everyday finery .was" riauglit. "'Got busy/ cried Tiberius in his merry bass. :' 'Unpack, the trunks and slip into calico, of Act. I. .When wo reach Gauty we'll havo -some nice, now ljnon suits. Remember, children/I'm.'all that .over"was, multiplied by tWO'!' .''■'. :' '-'...'■•'.' .-.'•'. " ... ' "And that's'.what we had to do, and a nicb looking lot we were. Maisio and the othor fairies Mn : pink tights and long, bespangled cloaks didn't go so bad "wit!) tho furniture,.- but' the' pirato, ' Georgo Hanscom, arid'l, the Alpino shepherd, kind of jarred on the rest. "Tib's rotund, energetic form was encased in a tin.suit of mediaeval armour, and ha sworo it felt good. By tho.timo tho town was fairly awake, wo were all arrayed in our picnic clothes, and I guess thoy thought wo we're a sure enough bunch of fairies. , "Whilo tho dusky rabblo was enjoying us with wonder-lit. eyes a tall, thin, mahoganjsed'skiiined man'approached'and-greotctl us m good Anglo-Sax. He said he was Alfred Jones, more commonly known on tho coast as Banana Jones. :

"He had lived in the country for fifteen years, and was too lazy to leave it. He informed ns ho could talk any lingo between Purgatory and Guatemala Ciity, and Tib at once hired him as ticket-seller. Tib himself throw a fine cluster of Spanish, having toured a circus through South America once upon a time. But ho was shy on dialects. ■ "So Banana Jones was delegated to scout for some diligences, and ho said bo would, once ho was able to tear his eyes from Maisio; and was just explaining that ho hadn't seen a white woman for ten years, when fifty tat-tcr-demalions, armed with ancient guns and a largo accumulation of reality on their hands nnd bare feet, came howling down tho lane. '.' 'I forgot,' said Banana Jones simply, 'thero's a bit of a revolution on, and tho insurrectionists hold tho town. They aro oxpecting a president from 'Frisco. TJio junta .was to send them down a regular fire-eater this week.' . "'That's mo,' cried Tib. 'I'm on! I'm tho president! 1 go a milo in loss than nothing. I never did start a gamo but what something good turned up unexpectedly. Toll 'om I'm their, feudal lord.' '"'Woll, I'll bo blasted!' gasped Banana Jones. Then ho added—'Do I got all the banana privileges between bore and Sonsonato?' r "'You certainly do,' answorcd Tiberius, drawing his tin rapier nnd jolting his helmet into a jaunty position. ; "Jonos rau towards tho mob and began a haranguo in.which' 'JJoii Sonor Tihoro and 'Viva la lfbertad' figurod extensively, and when bo was dono tho ragamuffins 'danced about us in glee, and one squint-oved ruffian sought to oucompass Maisio Adams's fair waist with his dirty paw. But Tib hinged ferociously at him with his Toledo (Ohio/ blado, and the gang evidently set us down for born fighters. ; '-'They, dope you out as High Muck-a-,

Muck and accept you,' said Jones, 'hut they want to know if'you've, brought any arms and powdor.'

" "i'ell 'cm I've brought art, music, beauty and science, and that against that quartet prosaic cxplosivos aren't douco high in a well-thumbed euchre deck,' retorted Tib grandly. ■ .

"Then lie tipped us the cue, and wo all burst into a few strains of song, as sung in the ensemble of 'Tho Dear Gazelle.'- Itfetched 'em, sir. It fetched 'cm. to their knees. They grovelled. 1 guess they'd nave chucked the whole blooming revolution lor reserved seats'in our show. "Jlut Tiberius had made up his mind' to act the conqueror, and he told Jones.to take us to the most pretentious habitation in town, that he might confiscate it for government purposes. A miserable little hotel, built to accommodate about fifteen, was the best thing in this line, and into it wo went, while all the regular boarders departed via tho back door. ' " 'But what about weapons?' persisted Jones dubiously. "Tiberius pondered thoughtfully, and Hanscom, the pirato, tapped tho hardware in his belt and said—'We'vo got them all hero.' " 'We have the kinematograph,' reminded Tiborius. "'What's that? A machine gun?' cried Jones, eagerly. "Tiborius looked at him sadly and then explained it was merely a device to 'throw moving pictures on a screen. • ' " 'But pictures won't hurt 'em,' bemoaned Jones. " 'No,' cried Tiberius, exultantly, 'but it'll scaro 'em like tho. deuce I Why, man, in that one big box I've columns of infantry, heavy artillery, troops of cavalry, a littlo drummer boy, a Red Cross Society, and tho Private's Farewell to His Aged Mother. It's tho most economical method of transporting field forces in the world.'. "Then, after he had spoken several more pieces, Jones saw the illumination; and his hard, baked face cracked into various smiles. t '. " 'If they'll only'como by night,' ho murmured. "You' see' we carted the picture machino around to amuse the audience between the acts of 'The Dear Gazelle,' and almost all the pictures wero war scones. Fortunately it had escaped injury in tho explosion, and only needed to bo dried out. to bo. in fighting trim. "But tho rest of us hadn't come down to Contral America to build up republics, and we wore in a fair way to mutiny. Hanscom had just killed a tarantula, and was now. writing' a weepy letter to his' old mother in Utica,.. N.Y., Maisio was sobbing that she did not see any 'chance of, freezing her digits with Guatemala ico, and the rest of tho bunch wero swearing, or snivelling, as sex domanded, when .Tiberius visited us. " 'Children,' said ho kindly, 'list. Why weep? Wo'vo arrived horo. The boat is busted. Wo can't leave till another conies. It seems two factions are sparring for the stranglo hold on this foreign land. If wo remain neutral, ono sido or tho other, or both, will'pick us up and sell us as slaves to owners, of tho dank niangrovo swamps.' Tib didn't know a mangrove from a yard of felt, but it sounded good, and ho usod it. . '

"'Think, Maisio, of being compelled to pluck rubber gum with those fragilo lily stalks,' he said. 'Think, Gertrudo, of making bean bread for -some chocolate-frosted brute that remembors when ho' walked on all fours. •■■••.,. - I . . " 'Now, if I can obtain the backing of ono ( party, wo aro that much, strongor and will como out all right. Remember, Tiberius Smith always .wins. ■ '~-' . ,'. > " ! Why, children,- onco I fell so low that Iwas forced to join an "Undo Tom's Cabin" company, and play I was ico in tho Ohio River. Did I stay ico? Ask mo. . To-day you. behold in me tho solo owner of-"Tho Dear Gazelle" opera troupo and president pro tern, of Iscanlati, or whatever namo under high heavens they call it.' "Of course there was a lot of horso sense in Tib's talk, but I know he was. playing president just.through his lust, of empire. Ho told mo afterwards that if. he'could hnvo held down tho job ho had intended to map out a canal route'and sneak a stake from Uncle Sam. "But to return to the well-filled inn and tho homesick allies of the insurrectionists. That afternoon Tib and Jones reconnoitred tho only approach from tho interior; the only road over which the enemy could come. This ran dead against a big white cliff; and then swung sharp to the left and madca beeline :to tho beach. "Tib deployed tho native troops far out beyond tho cliff, with ' instructions to hike back to the hotel if they scented the foo. In a casual way ho, led tliem to believe that they wouldn't have to do.much fighting, just .take prisoners, after- the now,.prosidont had shaken a little parlour magic out of his cuff. "This pleased them immensely, and they' said wo woro their saviours, Jupitor Stators, and alb that kind of'stuff. But wo wore in. a very disagreeable, situation. ■ ■. I "The'.warm- climato didn't make tho. 'gazelle--rage'so bad for tho girls, and ; we men knew we could get used to our makq-up for a while. But only a narrow,. strip of beach separated 'us .'from the sharks; and Tib and his picture game L from the dusky triflers in front. However, it was grin and boar it, and wo were there to toto the' machine and fixings up to a point near,the cliff. - -"No 0110 troubled us that night; but on the-next a horrible screeching aroused us from uneasy slumbers, and when the pirato and I got down into the open wo could just catch a glimpse of Tib's'armour twinkling in the far ahead. . " 'Bring your shepherd's horn, Rupert,' cried Tib—he sometimes called mo by my stage name—aiid-I obeyed him. ' "A long, lean valentine guided me up the road to the firing line, to where Tib and Jones were stationed. To my horror I found them facing the cliff, backs turned to the enemy. "'For heaven's sake,' I cried, 'let us receive our wounds in tho breast and dio facing the tyrant!' ".When I began to let loose Uncle Sam, just sound some merry lay on tho horn,' ignored Tib. 'Givo 'cm boots. and saddles and a bit of that Tyrolcse warble.' r 'I was so choked up I didii't beliovo I could wind the horn, but Tib and Jones woro cool enough. Tib had tho machine all ready, and as a fearful howl went up behind us ho turned'on tho illuminations. "Thore on. tho cliff pranced the Fighting Seventh Cavalry, while Banana Jones split the shadows-with hoarse shouts and military ofdors, accompanying tho vocal stunts by hurling rocks among the bushes—in short, making enough noiso for a whole regiment. " 'An' ye Would save me, blow!' cried Tib. '/Forgetting my peril, really believing that tho brave phantoms on the whitorock stood ready to succour mo, I fixed my eyes on Old Glory and gave them 'Dixie.' Anyone ought to fight by that tune! Between notes I could hear the great gasp of astonishment from the foe as they halted. Then tho crackling in tho bushes began' to recede, and Banana Jones chuckled. ( "'They've vamoosed 1 Best pictures \ I ever saw!'

: ■' You ciin safely gamblo that tho insurrectionists down on the beach looked upon us as real warriors when the sun' rose and brought no invaders. Tiberius was so chesty that ho wanted to pursue tho'enemy and incidentally annex San Salvador. But as white 'cliffs'aron't always haudy wo hold him back. "Woll, three days passed and our stage costumes began to .look'tarnished. Then camotho second attack. "Our scouts said -it was a different party, and when they approached the pass, it was hardly dark enough to operate the machine. Tib commanded us all to follow him, and arranged us in a semi-circle position for the curtain raise in Act 11. '"Now, warblol' ho commanded, and we did, with a fringe of limelight playing ovor otfr rich vestments and scared' faces. "What the enemy thought on seeing twenty-eight/ays all covered with gold and cut glass, giving: tho soreuade, will never bo known. Hut' it staggered 'em. Mnisiu Adams and the other Vcnuses sang and lookod like angels, and tho brownies didn't carp to buck up against a celestial choir without any investigation. " 'If you can hold 'em a fow minutes wo'll win in a canter!' cried Tib. "At that wo all stalked forward a few paces with tho best lilt of tho wholo pieco pealing from our ruby lips. Then came the welcome order to stand asido, and tho faithful old p'rture gallery .began to squirt photos on the cliff. "What with tho howling of tho ballet, tho hoarso ones oi' Jones, tho buglo. calls,

ami prancing pictures, the brownies were nelcl up for fair. The funny part of it was ft <2" res ffern as scared as the enemy.;. • ■mi ' em nlnl ' cri °d Banana Jones. Jhon, just as the old 140 th Infantry began tramping by, wo, all with one common .impulse, ■ insane with elation, • charged tho paralysed ranks in the brush. With one long drawn-out screech they fled, but not before one beggar gave mo' a cut in'the leg with a big cheese knife. ' Jiberius would run amuck and soon distanced us, .the twingling and clanging of his v", su ' t . onl .T revealing his whereabouts. »uien the company caught up with him he was trying to lift a good-sized chest in his arms. -

It s probably full of tortillas,' remarked thei pirate after we had returned to tho hotel. „„. i -p-L c . nlltlren > it's their war chest,', gasped Tiberius,who had been unable to carry it alone.

r J ,e toro - o<f fie cover, and there wero rows unon rows of yellow wafers. Wo divided em up equally, and Jones said each «wi i\ ro a . mo " nte <i to about ISOOdols. Whether it was tho loss of their funds or tho moving-pictures that turned tho trick we were not destined to learn, for on tho seventh day a.l ttle vermin-'infested tub ?hinnl, J n °l° lnt T ° tho harbour . an( i w» all shipped for San Jose, whore we picked up somo civilised rags and caught a 'Frisco