THE YOUNG MAN IN THE HOME.

Dominion, Volume 1, Issue 23, 22 October 1907, Page 3

THE YOUNG MAN IN THE HOME.

What about the young man in the home? Constantly wo are hearing of tho position of thq young woman in the home. Everything that -wisdom and folly can say about that much-advertised little thing, tho young woman, has been said.. Rut 1 ask, what about the young man in the homo? It does not, seem to have 'occurred to anyone- that the. young man's position in the.home is changing, lias changed; or, indeed, that tho young'mail's position in the homo is of the slightest importance, even to himself. It seems to have been assumed that so long as a young man has a bed to sleep in under the paternal roof, and a club (athletic or otherwise) elsewhere, nothing else matters. Now; as an ox-young man, as one who by personal experience knows what it is to bo a young man, I am hero (writes Arnold Bennett in "Hearth and Homo") to affirm that tho position of the young man in tho home merits attention; ' I dc not'think that there was over a period when the relations between father and son wore less-definable, less sure, more liable to strain than they .aro, in this period. Which does.not mean that fathers are worse or that son's arb worse; it simply means that transition is happening.' Dare ! l say to fathers that the chief mistake in-thc'ir behaviour towards their sons is that they permit themselves to bo afraid of their sons f 1 They see these mysterious organisms growing up in their houses as tall astheniselves, quicker on foot than they are, with smarter neckties than theirs, and that ilHconcealcd.tolerant disdain which youth so often has for age. They aro afraid of the criticisms which the sons make of them in the privacy of their own hearts; not of what the-sons say,, but of what the sons think. And this fear renders thorn self-conscious, brusque, and often overbearing; it puts them too much on tho defensive. Heredity being what it is, the risk of the father being shattered in.that rubbing together of individualities ■ which •we call daily life, is very small. And even if it were great, tho .father will still have the! best chance by remaining natural and unafraid, by refusing to shelter hiniself behind^his conventional position, as lie'too'.oftcn does. lam convinced that all the chief errors, save one, committed by kind-hearted -British fathers, as fathers, spring originally from {internal timidity. - ' Just as the errors of the father arise out of'timidity, so the errors of tho son arise out of inexperience. ' The, father knows what the soil'feels; but the son, wrongly assuming that his father' is necessarily different from himself,'gets hold of thii wildest,, maddest ideas as to what tho father feels. He actually regards his father as an old man. If young men-could realise, that their fathers are excessively like themselves (only more timid),'and.;acfc .accordingly in daily intercourse; famiiy 'relations would often bo far more satisfactory than they are. :'I. cannot deny, that the first step.would eb'mo better:>from the, father. But it need not' be' so. ..Thousands' of fathers would respond -.vivaciously to a step from their sons. Regard 1 those homes where the father has "kept.'.young,' 'as the .phrase goes., (Tho phrase'..'is misleading; all fathers.keep young, but most.of. them apparently hide the fact as"'.completely 'as. they -can.) These aro the homes i-in"Which family relations proceed u'ppn,natural lines, and in which tho greatest and most'-'satisfactory intimacy is arrived at. J.Wlieh' tho.transition'how. in progress is achieved; it- is, in my opinion, highly probable that the family tie will become closer than evor.it was., .Eor it. will bo,subiect_ to hri'.i'o of; the' strain set up by certain existing artificialities, and by abstract idtfas, .the legacy of 'unphilosophic ignorance concerning the. "divine rights", of ago over youth. It will bo ,a ,tio based -'on'''nothing' hut natural instinct.'. The appreciation of it will bo uhobscured, by /aims and motives. which . have gradually collected around-it, hhd which, are foreign-to. it. There will bo. a little' less of what in Australia, is called "Downing Street." and a food deal more of tho spirit of conference;,' The crown will bo worn, on]" oh 'state occasions.. The : father's youth will flourish; like. the. son's. Confidence and confidences" will' bo established, and all will bo bettor,'in a. world that")s better. ■At least,' that'.is whaVT : am hoping 'for.