SETTLING DAY!

Cromwell Argus, 30 March 1931, Page 2

SETTLING DAY!

"Henry,” said old Mutton as lie called his son-in-law into the library and closed the door, “you have lived with me now for more than four years.” “Yes, sir.” “In all that time I have never asked you for a penny towards keeping the home going.” “No, sir.” ' “In all your little family disputes I have always taken your part when it seemed to me that you were in the right.” “Always, sir.” “I have even paid some of your bills.” “You have been very good to me, sir.” “Then you will no doubt be quite willing to grant the little favor I am about to ask.” “Certainly, I will, sir.” “Thanks, Henry; I want you to tell your mother-in-law that those tickets for the cabaret supper-dance she picked up in my room this morning must have accidentally fallen out )f your pocket; and then we'll call everything square.” Mother was sitting sewing whilst the two children sat at her feet, playing card games. “Oh, mummy,” little Sybil cried at length, “Horace is cheating!” “Well, that is very naughty of him —but, dear,” mother replied, reprovingly, “I happened to see you doing the same thing a few minutes ago!” “Oh, well,” Sybil said, “that’s different. Horace is doing it for fun—but I only do it when it’s necessary!” Brown was before the judge for having injured his wife. Judge: “You maintain that you threw your wife out of the tenthstorey window through forgetfulness?” Brown: “Yes; we used to live on the ground floor, and I’d clean forgotten we’d moved!” “That young bride worships her husband, doesn’t she?” “Well, she places burnt offerings before him three times a day.” “Mighty mean man I’m working for.” “What’s the matter?” “He took the legs off the wheelbarrow so’s I can't set it down and rest" The long-handicap golfer had entered for the mixed foursomes, but at the last moment his partner sent a message to say she could not play. The man, anxious for a game, went to the secretary and blurted: “I say, can you introduce me to a woman preferably a bad one?”