WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Cromwell Argus, Volume L, Issue 2644, 13 October 1919, Page 2

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

JUSTIFIED. The husband and wife had always differed on the subject of buying things, so it was not really surprising that Hubby got somewhat nettled when, on coming home he found a dilapidated rug in front of the fireplace. “We don’t need that rug any more than a cat. needs two tails. Plow often have I told you, my dear, not to buy anything simply because it is cheap ?” Wife (with the air of one -who has got the better of an argument): “But it wasn’t cheap, dear. It cost two guineas.’’

! Friend : “Won’t this ten o’clock { closing hour hurt your show V” | Actor : “Not a bit. Most every;body leaves at the end of the first act anyway.” “What’s the .dispute about ?” demanded the proprietor. “Remember, | in this store the customer is always right.” “He says you’re an old shark,!’ explained the clerk ’ briefly. Jakey : “Fadder, a gentleman’s hat fallen troo de coal hole !” Isaac : “Clap de cover ofer him, mein sohn, vile I runs for a policemans. Ve must arrest him for tryin’ to steal te coals, or he’ll sue us for tamages.” An Irish corporal was drilling a squad of recruits. Impatient at their futile attempts to keep in line, he cried to them in an angry tone : “Eyes front ! Just step out of the ranks, you set of duffers, and come and see what you look like !” “Well, Mrs, Smith, and how’s your husband ?” “Oh, he’s doing well, thank you, mum ! He’s got a job at the glue factory now.” “Ah, well, 1 hope he’ll stick there !’ Mr. B* hclor : “Does your wife treat you the same as she did before you were married ?” Mr. Married ; “Not exactly. Before we were married, when I displeased her she refused to speak to me.”

HALF AND HALF. Passing a hand over his forehead, the worried drill-sergeant paused for breath as he surveyed the knockkneed recruit. Then he pointed a scornful finger. “No,” he declared, “you're hopeless. You’ll never make a soldier ! Look at you now ! The top ’alf of your legs is standing to attention, an' the bottom ’alf is standin’ at ease !” Trombone : “Wot do we play next, Jim ?” Euphonium “ ’Any Lauder selection.” Trombone : “ ’Struth ! I’ve just played that 1”-