A GOAT THAT WORRIED THE POLICE.

Cromwell Argus, Volume XXXVII, Issue 1988, 14 May 1906, Page 7

A GOAT THAT WORRIED THE POLICE.

"AD” PUT IN PAPER AS LAST RESORT TO RID DEPARTMENT OF "WHITE ELEPHANT.” A * FOR SALE —Good, strong, healthy gnat ; verv cheap. Applv Police Secretary, C. A. W. NICHOLS. Police Secretary Nichols had this "ad” inserted in the newspapers as the last resort in getting rid of a goal that has been a white elephant, on the Police Department's hands for the past year. It’s at the Grand River Station and can’t be “shaken.” Since Nichols became secretary hills j for "repairs” have been coming in with great regularity. Finally he j called up Captain Shoemaker and asked him what all the- bills were for why so much damage was done. " The goat,” came back laconically. "The what?” "The goat ; he’s eaten the boarding off the floor, has eaten seven clubs and four helmets. By the way, we need some new screens, for he's eaten the frames—” "Well, why don’t you get rid of him ? We’re not running a —er ah — goatury.” 'The captain at the other end of the wire began to say things then. "We’ve been trying to get rid of the thing for J J months now, and can’t.” he roared. "If you’re so aiifired funny, come out and get rid of him yourself.” Wimn the captain cooled down he explained just when the goat butted his way into the department. He lived in the hallway and what he could not cat he butted into desuetude. A squad of policemen arrested him after a fierce struggle and landed him at. the station. Then efforts were marie to sell him, the funds to go to the retirement fund, but no one wanted to buy. 'That was a year ago and he has been there ever since. Nichols drove out in the afternoon to see the cause of all the trouble. He found the goal, a big, strong, full-grown animal. "Nice goalie.” said Nichols, reaching down to pal him on the head. "See,” said Nichols, turning toward (..’apt. Shoemaker, "he is not vicious.” .lust then Nichols shot through the air. He struck the captain amidships and the two rolled over on the ground. Nichols got to his feet first and before he could see what hit him he played Knabenshue again. When ho got out of the pen lie looked back and' saw the goat calmly eating up his new Fall hat. "Got rid of that thing.” said the secretary glaring at the captain as though that officer had perpetrated the joke. "It’s my duty to arrest him ; yours to get rid of him,” growled back Shoemaker. "Wc can’t turn him loose. He’ll only make more trouble. Nichols went back to headquarters sore physically and mentally, meditating on the awfulness of having a full-grown, aggressive goat on one’s hands. He had never before realised what suffering there is in this world, "It pays to advertise,” thought, Nichols. Now lie’s sitting back waiting for some one who will buy just about 2001b. of pure, unadulterated trouble.