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Cromwell Argus, Volume XXVI, Issue 1340, 25 December 1894, Page 5

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A young lady playing the pianoforte at an evening party, looking up, observed a gentleman of til*? company g.tzing with a Msh-like expression fixsd in his countenance ; and she ventured to ask him whether he knew the piece she was playing. Pufing on an expression as much like a cod's head as any humau being can imagine to produce, he replied, "No, I do not understand music, but I enjoy the beautiful odour of the polish that they put upon new pianos." Another gentleman , under similar circumstances, was more gallant ; for, on being asked by the lady if he liked music, he answered no, but he liked the musician. It is very provoking that the rest of the conve rsatiOD has not come to hand, but our readers may easily supply some kind of conclusion "to the stoty. Was she angry because he did not like the music ? We fancy not"

*. The Ittn-ijsfihT* Times gives the following: V v'i-i or f-orn Reefton to a te small inland t«.\vu in the North Island had d occasion to u'.era hotel, there, with a friaud hj for the purpose cf lubricating the inner r8 man. The fair waitress, on enquiring what 3 he would have to drink, was a little surprised ' to bear iiirn ask for Five Star Brandy. She looked over the Lotties carefully,, and at * last handed him a decanter remarking, " Here take some of this, and you will see all the stars you want." It is needless ,r to say our West Coast friend was careful, 18 but his friend certainly enjoyed the laugh ;s which was against him. A pitiable case of death from thirst ' occurred 90 miles from Coolgardie, on the road to E:-perance Bay. A digger, vlio had been unfortunate, started to walk to Esperance Bay, en route for Ballarat. He vt was met ly Mr Bamlett, of the Cyclist n Express Company, who tried to persuade e tilt man to turn back, as, owing t;> the dry g state of the road. G9 miles of a water;ess e track lay before the Higher, who had only d ha f a pint < f water with him in a bag. Mr t B'.mlett- offered to send assistance from _ Mount Morgan if the man would turn buck ; but lie refu-ed, although he was as Hired that it wen d be sn cirle • o en on. Mr i Bamiett hj d i.o w. er, liaviog «i«:ne the 60 ' miles on the bicycle, and was compelled to leave the. redestrian". On his last, trip to b Ducdas Mr Bamjett found the body-of the *, 111 foituna e mac 20 miles on from the scene of the interview. 'lhe deceased had torn r up the ground all round in the agonies of thirst. The name of the digger is unknown. 1 . , £ Onk Box of Clarke's B 41 PrLm i» \ warranted to cure all discharges from the } Urinary Organs in either sex (acquired or « constitutional), Gravel and Pains in the Hayk. Ouar-io f eel free from Mercury. Sold ' in oxes, 4s 6d each, by all Chemists and Patei Medicine Vendors throughout ths e wotl i.- Proprietors : Th's Lincoln and e MIDLAVD COUNTIKS )>BCC COMPACT, Lincoln. England. " The Health and Vigor of-an indivi lual ' depend uuon the quantity and quality of 1 the Blood. When rne tissues have been at 1 work, there are- thrown into the bl >od, w .ste products, an-1 if these be not elimin- [ at«d l)ut (through any cau-e) detained in the blood they influence uuirition and function >nd finally produce organic disease." The IJuminltarian lu cases of Scrofula, .-curvy, fc.cz.snia. Bai Legs, Skin and Blood t Diseases, Pimples and ;»oieß of all kinds, the effects of daike's Blood Mixture are marvellous. Thousands of wonderful cures . have beeu ejected by it. Clarke's Blood I Mixture is sold everywhere, at 2s 9d per ~. f bottle. Bewaie of worthless imitations and J übstitutts. ; Certainly the best medicine known ii 1 Sander aud Sons' Eucalypti Extract. * Test its eminently powerful effects in roughs, colds, influenza ; the relief is instantaneous. In serious cases, and accidents of all kinds, = be they wounds, burns, scaldings, bruises, e sprains, it is the safest remedy—no swelling —no inflammation. Like surprising effects e produced in croup, diphtheria, bronchitis, r inflammation of the lungs, swellings, etc ; diarrhoea, dysentery, diseases of the kidneys f and urinary organs. In use at hospitals aud e medical clinics all over the globe ; patronised by his majesty the King of Italy ; crowned with medal and diploma at international Exhibition, Amsterdam. Trust' in thi? approved article and reject, all others.

HOW TO CURL A BANG. Bo Sure and Attend to the Tiny Center I/OCk. Bangs should be thoroughly washed twice a week in a solution of one part alcohol,,and three, parts soft water and dried. Tins keeps the fringe free of the oily matter that hinders the Staying in curl/' All hairdressers moisten the fringe with diluted bay rum and divide the bang in three parts—-two side parts and the center (which should again be divided in three)—and curl it backward, holding it firmly for fully CO seconds. The next part also curl backward. Allow a tiny piece in the center of the front for a "Lillian Russell" curl. Curl the center part downward; then curl the side pieces back toward the coil. Carefully attempt the tiny curl now that you have left until the last in the middle of the brow. Take the hair (well moistened) upon a hot iron, curling it toward the left, and slowly loosen it, pressing it while hot into the interrogation point closely against the forehead. A little practice will result in success. - The alcohol semiweekly bath, the hot iron, the direction either backward or otherwise, as given above, will keep the bang shaped fluffy and curled, with "the little curl right in the middle of the forehead." Hot.- to Brush Velvet. It is ruinous to velvet to brush it with anything save the softest surface. Some careful -women make their own whisks, which they employ for nothing else, and which are constructed of a very tight roll of any soft threaded cloth frayed out for two or three inches. A perfectly new hare's foot, such as is sold for the application of face powder, ought to serve the same purpose, as it is very stout and still very soft in touch. How to Preserve the Natural Color of Flowers. Take very fine sand, wash, it perfectly clean, and when dry sift it through a fine sieve into a pan. When the sand is deep enough to hold the flowers in an upright position, take some more sifted sand and carefully cover them.. .A spoon is a good thing to take for this, as it fills in every chink and cranny without breaking or bending the leaves. When the pan is filled solidly, leave the flowers to dry for several days. It is a good plan to warm the sand in the oven before using it, as the flowers will then dry more thoroughly. In taking the sand off great care must be taken not to break the leaves, as they are now dry and brittle. Pansies preserved in this way will keep their shape and brilliancy of color all winter, and many other flowers can be equally successfully treated —anything, in fact, where the full pressure of the sand comes on both sides of the leaves; otherwise they will shrivel. To fill in flowers with cuplike shapes, it is better to lay them on the sand and with a small spoon fill in and around each flower. Ferns, when preserved in this way, have a more natural look than when pressed, and the maidenhair fern looks almost as well as when it is freshly gathered. •" • How the Japanese Age Is Counted. Japanese age is counted in a manner very peculiar to our ideas. At whatever period of the year a child is born, whether in January, the middle of the year, or December, it is said to be 1 year old on the Ist of the January following. Then each succeeding year of 12 months is, as with us, another year. How to Make German Crullers. A cup of thick, sour cream, a cup of sugar, 3 cups of sifted flour, 2 eggs, a half teaspoonful of salt, a heaping teaspoonful of. baking powder, a teaspoonful of vanilla. Beat tiie eggs until light, then add the sugar; beat again, add the sour cream, mix; add the vanilla and salt. Put the baking powder into the sifted .flour and sift again. Now add this to the other ingredients, mix, roll out on a board, cut with a large round cutter; then with a small cutter take out the centers. Drop them quickly into boiling fat; brown on one side, turn and brown on the other. Yvhen done, drain and dust with powdered sugar. To have these a perfect success the dough must be as soft as j t ou can possibly handle it. How to Clean Glass Carafes. A very simple thing to do is to tear a newspaper into small bits and nearly or quite fill the carafe. Then pour in warm soapsuds, with a little ammonia added, and shake well. The paper will soon scour the bottle thoroughly clean, and it only remains to rinse it out well before using it again. How to Hoot Hoses and Shrubs. Some varieties of roses will not grow from cuttings. -To root them pass the branch selected through a 4 inch flower pot. Let the end of the stem extend an inch or so beyond the rim; then fill the pot with sand and dry earth. Keep it warm by watering two or three times a week, and when the leaves begin to grow cut the stem at the bottom of the jar about half off. The whole rnay be kept upright by tying the pot to the main stalk with a string. In a short time you will find small fibrous roots and can cut it off entirely, and when lai-ge enough it can be removed carefully from the small pot and transplanted. How to Checkßleeding Jfrom the Lungs. Blood coming from the lungs is bright and frothy. Attempt to check by giving bits of cracked ice, keeping the chest and head elevated and the patient very quiet. While waiting for a physician witch hazel can be given in half teaspoonful doses every half hour. How to Clean a Stove. One of the best ways to clean or polish a stove is to add a little turpentine to the blacking, just enough to wet it or soften it. It remains on the stove longer and looks brighter than when wet with water. How to Bathe Plants. Use a soft small rag or sponge. Dip in tepid water and rub each leaf gently on both upper and under sides. Treat stems the same way. A soft brush is ijood to use for rough leafed plants.

NOT DANGEROUS. jS. Man From Bad Ax Who Was Easily Quelled. When a Woodward avenue patrolman arrived at the foot of the avenue at 9 o'clock one night last week, lie found in waiting a tall, cadaverous looking chap, with his bat drawn down over bis eyes and a sort of tiptoe expectancy in his genera! demeanor. He at once stealthily approached the officer and hoarsely whispered: "Do you want to live an hour longer on the face of this earth?" "Yes, sir—two or three of them," replied the officer as he backed away to size his man up. ' "Then for heaven's sake look out for him." "Who do you mean?" "He's hete and bin here all day. Wonder is that he ain't broke loose and killed two or three men before this." "Then there's some one around who's going to break loose?" quietly asked the officer. "Hush! Not so loud. He may jump on you auy minute." "Who is the 'he' you refer to?" "Bad man—bad man from Bad Ax. Bin here all day lookin fur a row. Jest chankin his teeth and foamin at the mouth. He won't be able to hold himself much longer, I'm afraid." "And if he breaks loose?" "Then look out fur sore. I've seen him loose two or three times, and I know what he kin do. He ain't got no more mercy in his heart than a tiger." "Perfectly reckless as to consequences is he?" "Perfectly. He'd tackle a man as big as a house, and the man he tackles is a goner in three minits. Jest slams and bangs and chaws, and the man is dead. I've bin waitin here to gin you a pinter. If you hain't got wings, you'd better borrer a pair and fly." "This bad man from Bad Ax —is he about your size?" asked the officer without betraying any particular emotion. "Jest about my size and heft." "And has the same dangerous appearance?" "Jest about the same, or a little more dangerouser." "Well," said the officer as he S2>at on his hands and reached out for a neck and hip hold, "I've been wanting to meet that man from Bad Ax for the last two months, and now that I've met him I shall proceed to" And he lifted the man on high, and whirled him around his head, and cracked his heels against the wharf railing, and finally let him drop with a "kerchug" on the planks and asked: "Well, has the bad man from Bad Ax got enough?" "Plenty, sir—plenty," replied the man as he got up. "Got all through chawin and chankin?" "All through, sir." "Then I guess you'd better make tracks." "Exactly. Here they are." And he flew up the avenue and whipped around into Woodbridge street with what seemed a cloud of dust whirling around his coattails and rising up to mingle with long black hair.—Detroit Free Press. Her Frogriunme. "I have my programme pretty well arranged now," said the earnest young woman. "Sunday I devote to religious exercises of course; Monday to Delsarte and calisthenics; Tuesday the walking club takes its outing; Wednesday we study Moliere; Thursday we discuss the probability of woman attaining the ballot, and Friday is devoted to uplifting the poor." "But what do you do Saturday, dear?" "Oh, that's the day for training my husband." —Indianapolis Journal. 3\o May Hay Terrors. Weary William (in hayloft)— Sort o' comfortable, ain't it? Pilfering Peter —Reg'lar luxury, that's wot it is! No doors to lock, no shutters to bolt, no windows to fasten, no kitchen fire to look after, no potted plants to move about, no light to bother with, and no nervous wife to send us a gallivantin around on th' cold floors half a dozen times a night lookin fer burglars.—London Weekly. It Ought to Do. Pigley —Shall you send your son to college? Hogson—Xo. I had one set up here for him. Pigsley—What does it consist of? Hogson—A gymnasium in the hennery, a sawdust ring in the open lot, a shell in the duck pond, the smokehouse for a secret society and 400 bunches of cigarettes.—Puck. A Bait. Witkerby—We've been without a servant for a week now, but my wife is real good. She gets tip first every morning and starts the fire. Plankington —How do you contrive to get her up? Witherby—Easy enough. I leave a lot of change in my trousers pocket. —Cloak Review. She Drew the X,ine. "So you have thrown your new admirer overboard?" "You bet. Just as soon as I learned he was a dairyman." "What had that to do with it?" "Considerable. None of your milk and water chap 3 for me." —Buffalo Courier. Insult to Injury. "It wasn't her eatin the apple afore me that made me mad," remarked Emily, the 10-year-old tenant of the Ash ally tenement, as a sob broke from her throat, "It was her offerin me the core w'en the entire avnoo was lookin on." —Chicago Record. A Good One. Susie (at her music lesson) —I'd like to catch an old air I heard in the music room last night. Professor—What air was that? Susie (demurely)—Oh, it was a millionaire! —Tit-Bits, The latest Thing.

1 [•• THIS WHY NOT THIS? Too Much to Ask. "There is one sign that should be placed over every letter box in the city." "What is that?" "Post no bills." —Yale Record. The Perversity of Girls. Jamesby— Do you think she'll have youf Nettles—Why, I'm sure of it. Her family are all bitterly opposed to me.—Chicago Record.