WHERE NERO FELL.

Cromwell Argus, Volume XXVI, Issue 1323, 28 August 1894, Page 6

WHERE NERO FELL.

I was going over the battlefield of Winchester with a coloured man who claimed to have witnessed the battle and cared for the wounded, and, as we reached a certain spot on the Opequan, he halted and waved his hand and said—

“Take a mighty good look at dis yere spot, sah, fur de biggest kind of a man fell yere.” “I didn’t know that any big man fell in this battle,” I replied. “ No, of co’se yo’ didn’t. Dat’s de reason yo’ hired me fur two bits to guide yo’ around an’ pint out de historic spots. Yes, a mighty big man fell off his boss an’ died yere, sah.” “ And who was it ? ”

“ Nero, sah. He was cumin’ right down dis path, an’ jest as he got yere de inimy poured in a volley, an’ he was killed. Reckon he nebber knowed what hit him,”

“ Do you mean to tell me that Nero of Roman fame died here ? ”

“ Dat’s what I’m a sayin’, sah.” “ But Nero was dead hundreds of years before you were born !” “Can’t help dat, white man. Dis yere am de exact spot whar’ he fell.” “ Which army was he in ? ” “ De Yankee army, sah.” “ Was he a general ! ”

“ Biggest kind of a gineral, sah.” “ My dear man, you have got your history mixed. You don’t mean that Nero, who died over 1800 years ago, was present at this battle ? ”

“ I doan’ mean de Nero who died, of co’se, but de Nero who didn’t die.”

“ But I can’t stand even that. There was no general in either army named Nero.”

“ Yere is whar’ he fell, sah.” “ Who told you so ? ” “Got it straight from Mr Tinkum.”

“And who is Mr Tinkum ?”

“My fadder-in-law, sah. I married his oldest gal. I’ze knowed dat man fur ober 10 y’ars, an’ mebber knowed him to tell a lie. Why, boss, one time dey fought de ole man stole a calf. Dey couldn’t get no proofs on him, an’ he was all right, but what yo’s s’pose he dun it ? Bress yo’r heart, sah, but he goes an' owns up to a calf an’ a hogg, too, an’ dey gin him a y’ar an’ a half in prison ! Reckon any sich man as dat would lie ’bout Nero ? Reckon a man’s own fadder-in-law am gwine to say dat Nero fell right yere if he didn’t fall ? No sah ! Yo’ has got Nero an’ Washington an’ Socrates an’ Gineral Butler all confused in your head an’ yo’ want to be mighty keerful how yo’ write dis up. As I was sayin’, dis am de spot whar’ Nero fell an’ when we get ober de branch I’ll pint out de identical spot where Napoleon said he would conquer or die ! ”