FACETIZE.

Clutha Leader, Volume XXV, Issue 1276, 6 January 1899, Page 3

FACETIZE.

'Papa, what is a f&mily jar? 'A vessel ef wrath, my. son.', Mps^age boy .to shopkeeper—-' Can you tell me where Mr Lang stays'?' SWopkepppr — c Y«s ; come out hers an' I'll show yi». Dn'vbuwp-ynn third lum f 'Yes.' '* Weil, yori's his door.' A Bishop recently travelled in a railway carriae* with a consumpM've-look-incr, weakly little curate. * You will nr.f. mind rcy smoking, will, you V said his lor.lship. * Not if your lordship Hoe*n't mind my 'beinj; sick, 1 submissivply replied the. little curatp. i Archbishop Whately once asked — ' Wlmt is the difference between a form and a ceremony V Thp. mpanirg se.pms 1 nearly the. same, yet there is a nice distinction.' Various answers were <(iven. ' WpII hp. said, * it Hps in this— you sit on a form, but' you stand on a "cfremony."' An old coloured preacher in Atlanta was lrch)Hn<?,a youth of his fold about I thp sin of dancing, when the latter pro- ' tented tl at the Bible -plainly, .said — 'There is a time to danca.' Yesy dar tm « time to dance,' said the' dark divine, ' and it's WhWn" a ; boy gits a , whippir, .for sjwine. to . a' ball.' The , baby wan, double^ lip by the cramps and yftllins at the r^te of a mile a minute. a% the father and nipther, stood over the crib with 'the laudanum bottle he»wen them. * No, Mariar,' he said, jr^ti'ly, but firmly, « yoti pour i£ o»it ; thnt, child's growing so much.like your mother that I enn't ''t.ni«t-niy«el'f..' ' , Brown carrie, home , late ! the . othpr . night, and <Mrs.Bro.wn, reaph^gr out of the bedroom window, said— r^' So you've' bp«n tipping the »Uss again, hav« you V 'Glass' said ! BrowHi-i { (Hid)' 'tis a funny word ; take \nft ; f he'* »,' and it's you, my dear' ."• Yes' answered the wife, • and then take off the,',!,' and' it's you, you wretch;' and she. slammed do\vn the window with a bounce. > „ ; i Tt was at Aldershot camp, and the, drill-instructor's fade had gone scarlet with rage. ,He was attacking a raw Irish rearuit. : ',Now, R^ffrtrty, you'll break up the parade-ground with those fpet. : Draw them back instantly, man, ;and sfet them ,in ; •line^' .pßafferty's die nit y -was. hurt. f * And if yer plazV, sarjintj' he drawled^ foiemnly, ' they're j 1 not mine ; they're Micky Doolan's, in' the rear rank !'