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Clutha Leader, Volume XXIII, Issue 1148, 4 September 1896, Page 7

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A^candidate, meeting a neighbour on election day, grasped his hand and said : ' My clear sir, I am very glad to see you. 1 ' You needn't be, for I have already voted,' quietly replied the neighbor. Elderly maiden (out rowing with a passible suitor, and her little sister, who is frightened by the waves) : ' Theodora, if you are so nervous now, what will you be at my age V Little sister (meekly) : 'Thirty-seven I suppose.' , ; Trivet : « You wouldn't susppct that shaggy-looking man to be worth half a million of money?' Dicer: * No.' Trivet: < Well, he isn't.' Mrs Blues : * Do you have to treat your cook as if she were a member of the family V Mrs Greys : « Mercy, no ; we have to be very kind and polite to her.' 'It won't work,' said Jones, sadly. 'What won't work 1 ?' 'Hypnotism. Tried it. on the butcher. Looked at him fixedly until I had his undivided attention ; then I said very slowly and with emphasis : "That bill is paid."' 1 And what did the butcher do V 'He said : " You're a liar." ' j A certain preacher discoursing upon Bunyan and his works, caused a titter among his hearers by exclaiming, 'In these days, my brethern, we want, more Bunyanp.' The. Count — 'You know zat I will be as devoted after our marriage as before, don't you,, dearest f She — ' Of course ! Didn't papa put all the money in my name V All last winter Mr Geo. A. Mills, of Lebanon, Conn., was badly fiifiicted , with rheumatism. At times it <vas so severe that he could not stand upstraighr, but was drawn over on one side. 'I tried different remedies without receiving relief,' he says, 'until about six months ago I bought a bottle of Chamberlain's Pain Balm. After using it for three days my rheumatism was gone aud has not returned since. For sale by G. W. Hutehins, Balclutha and Kaitangata. First boomer : * You fellows have no get up at all. Why don't you have photographs of your town taken like we did 1 ? Are you ashamed of it?' Rival boomer: « Naw, that ain't the reason at all. I want you to understaad young fellah, that our town don't stand still long enough to be photographed.' Cabby : ' Where are you going, sir V Jackson: ' JSTone of your business. Just drive there, and stop asking impertinent questions.' Stern parent (to an applican: for his daughter's hand) : ' Young man, can you support a family T Young man (meekly) : ' I only wanted Sarah.' A -canvass among the druggists of this plaee reveals the fact that Chamberlain's are the most popular proprietary medicines sold. Chamberlain's Cough Remedy, especially is regarded as in the lead of all throat remedies, and as such, is freely prescribed by physicians. As a croup medicine, it is also unexcelled, and most families with ) r oung children keep a bottle always handy for instant use. The editor of the Graphic has repeatedly known Chamberlain's Cough Remedy to do the work after all other remedies have? failed.— The KimbaM S. D. Graphic. For sale by G, W. Hutehins, Balclutha and Kaitangata. Several Irishmen were disputing one day about the invincibility of their respective powers one of them remarked : 'Faith, I'm a brick-' 'And I'm a bricklayer,' said another, giving the first speaker a blow that brought him to the ground.