The Editor's Leisure Hour.

Clutha Leader, Volume VIII, Issue 428, 23 December 1881, Page 7

The Editor's Leisure Hour.

There is a young, lady in Garnden Town so refined in her language that she never uses, the word ' blackguard/ but substitutes 'African sentinel.'

An eminent firm of London brewers, has the following startling; announcement on its printed, billheads : — 'Families supplied in casks and bottles.' Mrs Coodle was telling; Mary Jane that the potatoes had an oniony smelL, when Coodle suggested that perhaps. they had been cooked in 'a saucepan with a leak in it. A French newspaper tells of a millionaire who lost his entire- fortune,, except 100,000 francs, and died of grief "within 24 hours, and of his. brother and only heir,, who died of joy over tkc prospect oi coming intopossession of a fortune so large. Linoleum explained. — A southern contemporary has the following. : — Scene A. — A large shop in Victoria. The principal of ladies' college to the manager of the carpet and floorcloth . [ department : ' 1 want some oilcloth.' Two pieces are shown. ' Not that, kind ; I want the smooth sort — a softersurface than that' 'Linoleum, perhaps, madam,' reaching- some for the lady's inspection. ' Yes, that is the kind ; but I don't see why you gave it that name.' Shopman: ' Linum flax,, oleum oil.' Tableaw, — ATOiwiemerafc oi principal. Scene B. — Large shop mi New South Wales. Lady of fashion enters carpet department, addresses; manager': ' I wish to see- sortie stuff for covering a room ; I haveMxn/gotten thename.' Manager tries in vain to get a. glimmering of her meaning, shows . every variety of eaupat ana matting in vain, suggests materials, but at last, the lady blush ingly declares, ' I am not sure of the name ; but" it. is thefeminine gender of floorcloth !' The carpet manager at a venture fetches, linoleum, and the lady so learned in ' the distinction of sex ' is perfectly content with her lucid explanation. — Facts. ' Dot vas Pisness.' — ' Herman,' said a Chicago merchant-clothier, addressing his clerk, ' haf ye sole all of dose overgoats vat vas left over from last vinter V 'No, sir 3 clere vas dree of them left. yet.' 'Veil, ye must sell 'em right, avay. Pring mo out one uf de goats> and I vill show you somedings apoud de pisness. I vill tell you how ye vill sell dem oud, und you must learn do pisness, Herman. De vinter vas gone, , you know, und ye haf had dose goats, in de store more as seex years.' An. eight-dollar evercoat was handed tohim by his clerk, and smoothing it out,., he took a buckskin, money purse from, his showcase, and, stufning it full of

paper, dropped it into one of the pockets. ' Now, Herman, my poy^' he continued, ' vatch me sell dat goat. I haf sold over dirty-fife uf dern shust de same vay, und I vant to dcech you de pisnoss. Yen de nexd gustoiner comes in de shop I vill show de vay Rube Hoffenstein, mine broder in Detroit, sell his cloding und udder dings.' A few minutes later a negro,. < in quest of a suitable paii' of cheap*. shoes, entered the store. The propi-ie- ' tor advanced smiling, and inquired, ', i Vat is it you vish f ' Yer got any '* cheap shoes hyar V asked the negro. 'Blendy uf dem,-.'my frent, blendly,-^-,. at aiiy brice you-' vant.' The n'egrostated that he wanted', a;' pair ofb'rogans, , ' and soon his pedal 'extremities were, encased in themj arid a' bargain struck. As he was about to leave the proprietor- ' called him back. 'I ain't gyrmo to • \ buy nuffin else. Ise got all I want/ said the negro sullenly. '' Dot may beso, my dear sii%' replied the proprietor ;, , ' but I shust vants you to look at' dis. . goat. It was de ; pure Russian vool,. und dis clime last year you doangot dcv same .goat for dwenty-fife/ dollars. 1 Mine gracious, eloditig vas gone, -down : C to nodding, und clere vas no money in de pisncss any longer. De ■ ■gorisump- . tiori vas going round ? und de' doctors 1 , tell me it vas de veclder. IVlins \fre,ht,,. \ nine beeples died round vliere I lif last-. > veek. Dink of dot? Mine frerit,' dot ", goat vas Russian vool, dick and heafyJ;. ) Vy, Misder JoneSj.wlio own^..:^e.,;p9,nk on Canal Streed, took. •.dot';' goat; home- . rnit him yesterday und yore it all day.f; but it vas a leedle cliglvfc . across deshoulder, and he-pyonght it pack shust ',-. a vhile ago. Dry- it on my dear sir. • A.h, dot vas all righdt 1. Misder Jone3i vas a rich man, und he liked, dot goat. Plow deep de pockets vas, but it vas a .• leedle dight across de sliould'ers.' ' The '

negro buttoned up the coat, thrust his ; hands into the pockets, and felt the-' purse. A peaceful smile' played over "' his face when. his touch disclosed to , ■his' -in hid the contents of one ' of- the-* pockets ; but he choked down his joy-; and inquired; ' Who did you say vrq¥&this'iiyar coat 1 ?' '.Vy, Misder' Jones; ■ vot owns de panic on Cahdjf. Sfreed.'* . } 'What.yer '^wine to ax fur-dtf* 'Dwenty clollat'S.' ' Dat'spow'ful'liigli, ) price fur dis coat, but I'll take ! it' :^ ' Herman, here; wran up. disigdaijior*?. de.shen'tleman,'. und iclrow. in; a %'avat*;;^ it viil make- Mm look niaa • mii' de; ' ladies.' Webber mind, I'lt ■ keep'; do>-< coat on,' replied: the negro ', and pulling ; out a roll of ftror)ey^hepaitl.iior ii. : aucU, „ left the store. While lie; was^'aiToundis; •> the next cpnier' m^imgf^^v^'tlle^', stuffed purse, Hoffenstem] ; sa]d;,ttpriiis- f ' clerk, ' Herman, iix up.anu4'A^yoh;;ot; dose goats de>sariie" way $ \ ; un^doan'-'fojv- I '. l--get to tell detn ;dat' Misder : Jbnes^^ol^l-j runs de paiik on Canal 'SfrQed^yd^e^itei;^ yesterday.'" " v ~ "^ c^« i *>S'^fji^JF*v--' ;->;'> ■ - ■ . - - » .--..^~-r., ,_ ,:\"_" -'■''■' A '^ -'■:*£.'■ iftiri"} :' .'\