Facetiæ.

Clutha Leader, Volume III, Issue 127, 15 December 1876, Page 7

Facetiæ.

" A little, nonsense now and then', Ib relished by the wisest men." '■■-'" ••■;»■•■• A 'Le'adi'hg Article — A cbriduotbr'S baton. — Fun. ? The Chinese 'call a blustering, 'harmless fwllovv -a "• -jSaper tig-er." LoVe Without in 6 hey is soft-thing like patent lekthei' bobts without "Solus. Why is a secret v like "silence*?-— Because you cannbt talk abbiit it and keep it. An artificial florist lately described hims-e'f as v head gardener to "the ladies." What time by. the clock is 'the best fork pun ? — A joke takes best when it strikes one. A 'milkman a'ccdunted 'fbr 'the t'hiiiness of the milk by saying- that the cbiv's got caught in the rkin. The daughter's of a laundress are growing pale for want bi exercise, kud the motiiei* "says 'they fade because* they will not wash. The backwoodsman saw a lady at k piano, and "suri-g out, '" Jini, jis 'corae here. Taruktibn/if here aint.a wdmah pulling music out of her bh'i.t." An experienced boy says he regards hunger and the sehoblma.ter's i'attnti as about 'the same thing, as they both make hini " holler." Misprint. — An lowa 'editor recently announced that a certain p'atvbn of bis was " thieving 'as usual." The wbrd'he wrote, was " thriving." A Yankee editor, in response 'to k subscriber wbb '-grumble:-* thnt the morning paper was intolerably damp, '.ays "'that is because there • is sb touch due on it." , .'Laconic—*' Harry, did /ybu : a_k Mr ' Hicks fdr the cbbney ! I told ybu tb ?" '" Yes. . 'sir." . *' What did he 'say '■¥' v Nothing. He 'just 'kicked hie into the street.; thatVkll 'lie said." Poor Consolation. — A lady, complaining how rapidly tinie stole 'away, said, v Ala's, lam near "thirty-!" .\ v Do not fret at it, fn'adam, for ybu will get further Trbrh that 'frightful epbch "every %- . * ' „.,.»,. A New Orleans paper 'congratulates the people of that city bn the abolition of the detective force. Ci Now," it says, " burg-hirs Hve . captured within h 'few hours after 'the 'event tf "an spires." A Quick Ahswer.—A young matt began to read a paragraph about a mine to i his sweetheart, commencing thus — " Youba Mine- """■ -," when she interrupted liim With—" I don't care if 1 do, John." Trumpeters.— They say th'at'tru'th petplayers are.d.bbmed tb 3hort lives. We doubt it. We have known mefi who blew their own triimbet incessantly, and achieved a good 'trbubiesouie old A Naughty Boy.— Eiirl Albermarle relates that when . the Dublin belle's used to receive irivitkfcibns to picnics' they "stipulated that the mischievous boy Arthur Wellesley (afterwards the Duke of Wellington) should 'not be tl'ere. , .... „ There are the Roman hose, the 'dish nose, the .stub nose, and a diversity of other kind's of hbse"s ; biit the ugliest nose is the. one that pokes itself into other people's business, ahd this 'every* body knows. Ah Irishman, being fried" for assault and. battery ih Nevada, when asked by the judge if he had anythii.gyb sky by way' Of defence, replied : _"' f * Well, your honor, "I saw but little of (he 'fight, u_ T was underneath, most of the time." . i dissipated bid negro, while watching the monkeys in. a menagerie, "spoke thiis : "' Dem children got fob iiiueh sense to "come outer, that cb^c/:. white folk's, cut dar, tail's, off, and set 'em 'to vbtin' arid makin''co.nstitewfiohs " Twb Jews were, di'slin'ouishetl, one for his skill Tn pugilism, the other for his fondness of the fair sex. A geptieman, bri being asked to what tribe thav belonged, answered, t( yL 'don't kn6w";bad'they riot been Jews, I should have supposed 'one of tliehi 'to be an ' J_morite,' and the other a ' HTffite.' " __.fi Irishman in America, was bitten by a snake, )put the liberal use Qf a neighbor's whisky 'cured him. , The next, day liewas seen " : Walking slowly pa/the prairie, 'ancl looking, earnestly for something. He jyas asked what he was looking for. " For the boifb 6fa 'shake,'' was the reply. , , ' ,Thiis talks an old- former about hi'k boys : /"Frorn sixteen to twenty t ( hey • knew more than T did'; at Vwenty-five;, they knew as much "; iat /thirty, they were willing to hear what I had to say 5 at'tbirty-five they asked my advice'; ana ' I think when they get to be, forty they will acknowledge, that the old roan does know something.'.' '' Employment," observes a wbnld-be philosopher, '" is es^ontial to happiness *", aiid so generally is tbis recognised that there ar.e .times when even tlie laziest rhan feel inclined to. thank nature for having provided liim with a riiousta'che to twirl/ Novel Courting —-Wlien a Sioux .Indian want's to tell a girl he love's her be throws hi^ blanket over her head and hir, and -breathes into _nr ear, $nd a vevv pretty, girl., will' get . her head muffled up in this way a half dozen ■ times ajdayieveb in ;hot wether./ ; ; ; , Breaking-up -^The' Seneca ;;j|ribo 1 • -Indians consist of one old horse, a cliibfV arid three gallons of whisky.:; ;-A/ fe\ip more sittings suns,—^a. few' m;ofe/;; ; .mdon!4 ; ~aVrief season^ and that Ibree-^llp.ii'.Y; Mug will join its conlrades invt^ _tao]^ }*; I hunting. grbbhd; ' ' vv". - : yxXXpX