Sacetiae.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 74, 9 December 1875, Page 7

Sacetiae.

" ' ' get-iDg^easureaioivan umorella?© * , Ne** defipition of tabid maid^f^O-riafr 5 '>KY WPo has-ibeen m^^ffo-t a loDg^tiinef; i r? : 7 Women are v li e%dr^&iiWgs^ are to-let the mpreitf'ap.date'd they be* canae. ' /' " -*••*-.'->.■••'•; .->/--.-.-<•...:, x Jy _ -f..^" '! 7 v You look as jfypii J^^^i^ybrirself^^ as a wag said' tp €. fellow whb wa"s"B(and^' V close to a-donkey/. -J 7. ... *? ;.,., ; 7 ••- "Were yoi^ariihk' ?" allfeftlawyer bf a V" witness. ?4 Well, "was .; the^piy,^ I hat ■•* been drinking To much I couldn't "telF - .wht%rl : waßsqber prriot.;',, .JJA]. A.. r Why would afreric^man pay th^at* an fa-'---fenor singer at, aa ; opera was, an indecenfi character ? ' ' Because "he is "ilway s in de chorus (indecorous). : ?7 y [ --y >.. « " Was it not, "• said: a preacher •.* very extraordinary that Neb^ on grass ?" How is that Wonder. ul -when hundreds live on the.less aucculerit "Turl?'* To a squire who "Was tfoSstirtg of his bores* speed, Foote, the wity comedian,* replied "Pooh! my horse -wilt stand- faster than yours cah'-galbp-^- '■:■' - •■-"« A witness, on entering the box, had a Testament presented to him, but he declined to be sworn. Bein'gfesked his reasons for refusing, he naively replied, "Til tell a lie wi ony mon i' England, -but i'U, not swair to it." ... „< Mrs Partington told" Bemufs" the othlr day, in confidence, that a young /man hai commifed 'infanticide by blb^ng-Ki^DrainS; up in a state of delirium fretiie'i-dous, and 7 the corner- was holding ,a? ! conquest* W& , bis remains. Matrimi" '(to 1 eldest febnj : " BJy^'dii*_ k ! Georgn, where , are. your manners? You should always say • Thank you,' when anything is handed to you!"— -George: "0, bother, having to say 'thanks' every 'time, ma I Can't a fellow, have a season ticket ? ' . They say now that when young ladies describe a thing?^' perfectly beautiful," they merely imitate William Pitt, who Price need the expression in a dispatch. This attempt,to, deprive all women of allptfginaUty i-3 abominable; tbey will say nextthat Adam eat the first apple Parlor maid (to cook): "I knowed that Mr Smith wasn't no gentleman! Which, he never- raised his 'at jo me .when. l let 'itn out at the 'alf door just/nowl''' • The colonel of a regiment of militia wa» informed that one of his men'had'sWalloWed * ! his sword, and that it.had run through hia % I body without hurting him. Oh inquiry -he [ found that he had sold his sword to buy liquor.- --! A telegram from Austin, described as id go extra fasf; informs us of an. irreyerent, plain yellow cat,' his • name , Thotpas, who went to church in Austin, Navada, and misbehaved so. He bad taken a comfortable /eat on the pedal basa Pf the organ* Wh?n the perforioer came ftownf suddenly upon. that pedal, up went Thomas, and out into the body of thech'ui'cHh'e'leaped, emitting* an awful jyell, ; which did not mix up weU. Alight ing' upon t"h^ back of a pew, be began to operate with his - claws upon Ihe nearest chignon. , The; fair \ prbpirietpt of the same joined her tones tb tkosfe 1 of'the cat and the .organ J Panic: seized the congregation. Some went out ; the cat through a side debt. The cat went into petroleum, caucht light, entered a house, and a sad conflagration, which burnt ( the whole,, town. might have ensued, but luckify didtiot! Professor Jeyonj in a treatise on scientific method, asserts that,/' if the whole population of the world, say one hundred thousand millions of persons, were' to deal cards day aud;night, for a hundred^ millions of years, they would not have exhausted the one hundred thousandth part of the possible deals of a pack- of cardß.' 1 .-.-,- Q lite recently a short-sighted husband saw a large bouquet of flowers on a chair, and wishing to preserve them from fading, placed them in a basin of ' water. When his wife saw the " bouquet" half an hour afterwards, she gave a piercing scream, arid fainted on the spot. Her defective- viaioned husband had mistaken her new summer bonnet, with its abundance of fbwers, for a freshly-culled bpu'quetc A worthy bailie, haviiig paid a visit to Parip,wa3 describing to a, select circle of friends the'wonderß he had seen there. While he spoke with enthusiasm of the Louvre, Notre Dame, &c.-, ht; declared— " What astonished, me mair than ony thing else was to hear the bits 0' bairn's, nae higher than that (holding hisharid about tnree feet from the flooor) speaking. French wi' as much glihuess as bairns twice there size in oor am country speak there mitber tongue." A ybung gentleman, after having paid his addresses to ayoung lady for some time, popped the question. The lady, iri a'frightened manner, paid : " You scare me, sir." The gentleman ididnot.wish.tofrjghten the lady, and consequently remained quite for some time, when" she exclaimed : •♦ Scare me again! " . „.,-* 7The Paris papers tell a good fetoryof a sergeant being arrested by a delinquent. The policeman spied a boy bathing in the " Seine, aud afpiredto the glory of a capture, which would also entitle . him to a franc. Bu t. the r bby -clucked atfd^diveiiantlfand^tbok a double sight at the sergeant when he came to the surface". ,} The policeman dodged him, however,, round ay waterman's boat; and hid Kirris^Tf under ythe -gunwale ofa punt;. but- when. h^tre.clied.his^ariji to. capture the offender,* he fell 1 into tlie fiver; Theboy plunged after; him',^nd;swariiTwitli him to.the / shore.; - r The sergeant thanked his preserver,^ and>tbld hrm.&he^would let. him off. *J But Irwppt Ifc^yo^f?-?)" said the boy ; " you haye 1 cUun^a , franc for my capttirS,. But-iamV-entilfedtlo^t^^^ five francs for ;Bayjng ybu^ $p^wait? tilH 7 dress, and coirie with riie to the guar(drbom.". ..7?."7 7:?: ", ',;;??..."*;'.• .'?;•. ■7/