Sacetiae.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 73, 2 December 1875, Page 7

Sacetiae.

tL A little nonsense now and then, Is relished by the wisest men." Matchless Maid — The kitchen girl out of lucifers. A depraved punster says he will smoke if he chews, too. '" Why was Ruth very rude to Boaz? — Because she pulled his ears and trod on his com. . Why do ptetty girls resemble sugarcane ? — Because they want a little squeezing to get the sweetness out of them. Why is a field of grass like a person older than yourself? Because it is " past-ur age." ' Marriage. — An incurable old bachelor, and who seemingly rejoices'Jn his infirmity, describes carriage as "a female despotism i tempered by puddings." A young Hosier once said to a Hosieress. "Sal, is there anybody courtin'yu now?" And Sal replied : "Well, Sara,'there ia one fellow sorter courtih' ahd sorter not, but I reckon it is more sorter not than sorter." A man who had been married twice to ladies both named Catherine advised his frends against taking dupli-Kates. A Frenchman, wishing to speak of the cream of the English poets, forgot the word, and said, "de butter of de peels." « ~-, v There is a man in Cincinnati in possession of a powerful memory. He's employed by the Humane Society to "remember the poor." "Please take a half of this poor apple ?" said a pretty damsel to /witty swaiu the other evening. — "No, I thank you; I would prefer abetter half !" Amelia blushed jan J referred him to her " papa Youth is a glorious invehtiou. While the girls chase the hours and you chase the girls, tbe months seem to dance away "with down. upon there feet." What a pity summer is so short, isn't it ?■ Before you know it, lovers become deacons, and romps grandmothers. ■■•'■ His Misfortune, not His Fault.— "lt is not our fault that we are red-headed and SEoall,"says an American editor; "and the next time k one 'of those overgrown' rural roosters in a ball room reaches down over our head/suggests thatsome 'fellow has lost a rose-bud out of big button-hole, there will be trouble." .... Copy was out. The devil picked up a paper and said " Here's something about a woman;" ;" Must I- out it out"? -No !'' thundered the editor, "the first disturbance in the world was/ occasioned by the devil fooling about a woman." = ■ , /! Signs of Spring. — A correspondent, writ* ing from Northern Minnesota, on the 20th February, says that, notwithstanding the severity of the weather and depth of snow in that region, he saw a cowslip in the open air the day before. The cow was on the ice. — "American paper." Joshr Billings : gives some advice to a young lady as to how she should receive a proposed:: You out to take it kind,: looking down hill, with an expreshun- about half ticklee and half scart. After the pop is over, if yure luvyer v wants tew kiss you, I dont think I would say. yes or no, but let the thing kind ov take its course. An. American paper : : .says ;:-A'Aa; editor in a small town in Illinois, after haying been to' hia first ball, gave himself up to the. whirl of society ; -and this is how it affected him i. We are in the midstof the seaspn for? parties, dancing, mirth, and festivivity. : The resined hair of the, horse travels merrily ! over the intestines of the agile .cat,, evoking music to which; the impatient feet trip over the floor." A highlander who sold brooms went into! a barber's shop in Glasgow to get shtved.j Thebarber. bought oneof the* brooms,* and, ! after having shaved him -,- asked -the-price of ; it. " Tippence," said the Highlander." No, i ho,' ; says the shaver; 'I'llgiveybu a"pepny,i -and if that.doesjiot satisfy you, take -your.broom again." The- Higlander, tpokit, and asked what he had to pay. "A penny," ; says, strap. "Tllgie yea bau'bee,".- sajai Duncan,' "'arid if that dinna aatifeiy'"ye', pit; on i mybeard: aorain;'.' A \:.A t y -.> ;> . . When Dr. Bradenwas rector of TElthan?,': in Kent, the text he tpqk to. preach fr^om: ■was. " Who art' "thoxi ? After ' rea'din'g Athe \ textAhe made (as. was.hia. custom)^ pause .for >thex cohgregatieh to Reflect iUpbnihis; words, when a gentleman in military die&s. ' marching*:very'sedate]yLup: the ! middle ofi aisle of the church supposing it a ; question; addfeUeditb'Ahim to thieAsurptiseiiof all \ present, replied, I amrsirAan nffcer of the! Seventeenth -Foot, 1 dri,^-«cruiting party; here ; and,, having .brought my wife andj family witume;^ with the neigfibquring^gent^ AclergA. ; A, scientific > genllemen~in ; giv*eß-the origan df-~the aurora-bbrcalis :.-rr."When th;e melofygistic temperature of-tbe horizm ia such aa to caioric'se the irhpin'eiit indentetion. of the, hemispheric, analogy, the cohension Bffhe*- bbr^x cn.rbißti& becomes gfufefegerd cwittoiinfitfitesimalg.Hwhichaare thereby deprived fissural^disquiskiohs^ This effected,. aiapi|!,cha"uge.Js7produc ih6ramMnrp6r' 6Kt'lie'g7 ; #rbu is'p^riumv Whi«>i -catfse^fa^eti^Scu^ ih ! th^htia^oWal antiprjtMe^ The clouds then become. a,. ipa^s7^f; - riimised speculae of cernociilaifllghf,whichcan 'only be seen when it is visible.