Miscellaneous Reading.

Clutha Leader, Volume I, Issue 39, 8 April 1875, Page 3

Miscellaneous Reading.

THE USEFUL AND THE BEAUTIFUL.

At a time when albums were all the rage, a gentleman visiting* a farmhouse was handed by the daughter a superannuated account book, ruled for pounds shilling's, and pence, in which he was requested to write something- pretty for her, with which request he complied in, the following manner: — This world's a scene as dark as Styx, 8. d. Where hope is scarce worth 2 6 Our joys are borne bo fleeting hence That they are dear at .. .. „ w And yet to Btay here many are willing, Although they may not have . . . . 1 ; A MONK'S WILL. There is- a certain grim humour i» the phraseology of the following testamentary document of a Oapuchin monk, quite unusual in a clergyman. It is copied from the * Paris Gaulois'. This monk, well know in the Faubourgh St. Jacques, wlfcere he fed nearly one hundred poor persons by alma collected by . him in the Faubourgh St. Germain, left as his whole inheritance his breviary, frock, cord, a volume by M, Thiers, and a wallet. Among his papers was found the following singular will:—'*! bequeath r first, to the Abbe Miehaud my breviary, because he does aot. know his own; second, to M. Jules Simon, my frock, to hide his shame ; third, to M. I Gembett, my cord, which will prove useful one day around his neck • fourth, to M. Thiers, his own work, that he may read it over again ; and fifth, to France my wallet, because she may shortly have occasion for one to collect alms," MR NFTT-'s CATS. Douglas Jerrold's Mr Nutts was a barber who hated Whigs ond Tories alike. One of his oats he called a Whig-, the other a Tory. The first he sayskicks up no end of clatter, and keepsMr Nutts and his wife awake all night if he kills ever so small a mouse, " and sometimes — now this is so like a Whig —to catch a mouse not worth a fardin? he'll bring down a row of plates, or a teapot, or a punch-bowl worth half a guinea. And in the morning, when he shows us the measly little mouse, dosen't he put up his back and purr as loud as bagpipe and walk in and out my legs, for all the world as it the mouse was a dead rhinoceros I" The Tory cat makes no fuss, but is much greedier,, and eats the mouse, up tail and all — lC Bless, you, I've known him make away with rats that he must have lived in the same house with for years-/* PARLIAMENTARY LANGUAGE. Speaking upon the subject of a lateexpedition to the .South Sea Islands, a. gentleman discoursed as follows: —

"As a resort for coral, these islands are a success. But why do not our commissioner describe in- scientific phrase how the sweet little Simians— ordinarily called monkeys— -with the prehensile grip x)f the extended Os cqccygi$ t \ swing from the Callophyllum inop hylium, in. the sunshine, upon the upper slopes, of Upolu and Savaii? As they swing some 'Booo miles from us, an^d as a Darwinian, and a friend of man and science, why should we hinder them? Let them swing! Still we should not complain, for has not our commissioner give us the yellow Artocarous or bread-fruit tree, and the Coeos nucifera or cocoanut, which the intelligent monkey drops upon the head of the juvenile islanders?" TRYING A HOKSE. The late Chief Justice Doherty, of Ireland, used ■ to tell tliis good story of his posting days. He was going circuit in a post-chaise, and at a dangerous part, where the roadr skirted a descent, one of the horses which had been behaving wildly all the way, began kick- . ing furiously. Much alarmed, Doherty called out — " This is outrageous. . I don't think that horse was ever in harness before." " Bedad, your lordship's right. He was only taken out of the field thi* morning." "And do you mean to tell me that you have put an unbroken horse in my carriage." " Sorra a sight of the, leather he . ha» ever seen till to-day. v Anid if hVljrinW your lordship safe to the fut of the hill, the master says he will buy him." VALUABLE RECEIPTS. The following hints will be ;found\ : useful to housekeepers. They ,(niot the • housekeepers): are i 'the' net result of a lifetime of heavy theorising": — To make 'rats come out ofthfeir holes; to die, it i* jonly necessary to convince, them, that 'they will die sooner, by staying in. This may be done by sending down rattle- ' snakes in limited 'jqiiantities.— A.tole» rabLy7gdb:d inti<atio^ o%Bnti§hffiitmaj be made by pouring a, gallon of mplass^s over a board' upon which a sour^gr'ape has been -exteraiinateifc Its 6nly : fault * %1 !is, that it is readily distinguished irom Xh& ffenmne.by_being r .Bom r e>wJiiaJ; JbJtejY ;— Hanf- should ' be ? saltedF Before" Or i& , brought r oit: toj.the iMble.;~Sk>ft-boile& potatoes are not eater^with a spoon. — Champagne 'is i knj^ovecl ;by turnings gingerbeer into it. "Keeproa turning in* •until the improvement takes place.- — lA powder, made by .grinding, ut> ; the gardener's old clay'pipeals '.good for !diyers.|)urpoßes;~:The temper j>f husbands is not increased by Bcalding.r-r 'peßayinglnea,tß mby b'e laved by giving jthem n»nhe^obpi^-Glefir : Tifeiol is held In^ac^^est^ewi., asr, s a qpsnjQtic for c iinjproving tne T complexion of a rival.-^To BoMi^iM^v^Wfjat' 1 \ tor iOB doctor.— T wd parts of mucilage, one part (tf.^ what this makes*. Set it in a cool places