Miscellaneous.

Clutha Leader, Volume I, Issue 33, 25 February 1875, Page 6

Miscellaneous.

Engaged for every set— A hen. "Belles" call a great many people to church. The one thing needful for the perfect enjoyment of love is confldeiice. Same with hash and sausages* It is reasonably safe to kick a man, when he- is. down, and the opportunity seldom, passes without improvement. A Mowda papeu says, that " watermelons as large as. nail kegs go begging in Tempa at 15 cents apiece." Oh, watermelon-cholly fact. Being rebuked for wearing out his. stockings at the toes, a little urchin replied that it couldn't be helped—" toes wriggled and heels aidn't." Atkins says that he never was smitten with but one man's wife. He was. the man himself, and she smote him with a jolling pin. The married ladies of a Western cityhave formed a " Come-Home-Husband > Club." If; is about four feet long, and has a brush at the end of it. Mr Henry Yore, of Portsmouth, has eloped with his mother-in-law. Thedaze of Yore will soon be over; : A Texas gentleman was married the. day before he was hanged. It isn't stated which knot he liked best. ■ " Artaxerxes, my boy," said M"r.-v Marrowfat, "remember the dying words '.. . of Socrates : Never marry a woman that, kicks sideways." •■>..;•■; Men who shoot other men for taihS pering with their wives are called insane, and are acquitted, and men who,: like,. Tilton, don't shoot other, men whr>. tamper with their wives, are called!' insane; also. This, is' logic. Everybody is insaine. , . . *f . ; A Detroit man recently eloped with;/ a woman and her six children; The* forsaken husband did not pursue. / \, A A young 'woman in Missouri is ihi f dulgingin trance four days'long,.during--which she goes to heaven,- or says shedoes. . ..,'*• ■ ■■ .; . _• -„ . •,.,".„■, These are the evenings in which mani '.■; cannot enjoy 'himself like a ratibhal, ; being; for fear his wife ."will suddenly ?. come back from the country and catch him at it. , If mothers knew how it hurts a- boy--i to strike ihiin with one of those* new: scrubbing brushes, the brush part downy ? they would never tire themselves out wielding a club., . •' • , Th 6 - Nevada News ' says : "Actors A, in the Silver Dells' Opera' House 1 dqri'i much; object to having rocks and things ■ chuclced at them, but when a Chinaman • comes i into the galleiy and fires , his/ pistol - into the dragon in the pantomineit is time to get real mad." • " Js there any person you wish me to. marry V>; said a wife'tp a dying; spbhse; ' who ha 4 been somewhat of a tyrant in, ; his day. : "Marry the Devil, if you like !'.' was, the,, gruff reply./ "No; ; T thank you* my dear/ one husband of the. same family' is7 enough for, me." A young man sought to. secure his.jj sweetheart by strategy,.: so . he toother- " out for a boat ride, and threatened to! jump overboard into the river; if- she didn't ;Conse'nt to marry him. But it did riot work. She offered to bet : him a sovereign that he daren't dive in, and he wouldn't bet. A pouting bride, on her first sea, v PI a B* e » writes home : " The motioh of the .screw-steamer is . like riding a gigantic camel . that has the. heart; disease, and you do not miss a singlethrob.. I know of nothing to compare with it for boredom, unless it be your honeymoon when you have married for money." Across-eyed man cast a gloom over - a De'tirot-street car recently by asking one of the seven men andsttangeri: on the opposite seat if he had any chewingf tobacco handy. First the seven strangers looked at each other; .Then the sevea hands went pocketward, and, ,up6h observing this motion, each'of the seven supposed his neighbor- to be" the" one spoken to, and the seven hands returned empty.: The cross-eyed man, ,casV : a ricochet glance of indignation along the ; line,, and with the remark, « f A." sweet-* scented lot of generous roosters !" took" a chew of his own tobacco. ■■ ■■■ '■ r -; An exchange says: "Old Skinflint, with a speckled, hen, was down to. O'Brien's show recently; and hitched 1 his team to a fence in the rear .of; this, pfgck Pulling an old.ten pound salt sack from under the seat, he proceeded to feed the horses. What oh earth the hen! was for we . could not imagine, until, just before hitching up to return; he tied one end of the string attached to the hen's leg to the hind wheel of the waggon, and the mystery was solved, he had brought along the hen. .= to pick up the last oat left by the horses, that nothing might be lost." :, SA Southern gentleman in a Washrj ington hotel told: the negro servant that! he might retire. "'Souse me, sah," explained Sambo, " but I'se "sponsible for de spoons." ' ' ! '~r'- : 7 Widow Jones's husband died far :away from home, .and it took so long, to reach ber that the relict had quite recovered- from her grief, and was •giving a large • 'lunch-party^ when^:th*efe;_: body finally arrived. A- waggon drove.upTto the doorjl aridllal larjg^g b^x; -jwas handed out. Curiosity ran high among ■the ladies at the window,~and with one accord \they -fexCJ^med^jHiWhyj-Mra i' -ifonhs, what can that be V Up went .1 •Mrs Jones' eye-glasses, v and -rafters a•' - ;pa?ce she cpoly^sajd,-/* Well, it must ..be old Jones; come home.'" Charley, ruhfdowri^M^^eniMe^door for yom\ father." " *' '