An Essay on Woman.

Clutha Leader, Volume I, Issue 20, 26 November 1874, Page 3

An Essay on Woman.

The subjoined paper,, recently read at the Arrow Debating Club, haß been banded to us (' Arrow Observer) by the author, with an earnest request that we should give it a place in these columns. We are sorry the liberty of publishing the gentleman's name is vtithh-.ld, as we fed certain our lady friends would in proper form chow their appreciation of his talents. The reader need scarcely be informed tbe author is an old bachelor, and—is likely to remaid so, we hope :— A woman's form when walking is naturally erect and graceful ; but being devout worshippers of the goddess Fashion, whose nod they must obey, and she being a very jealous goddess, imposes cerfain distortions to be wurn by them for fear they should become too beautiful. The first of these distortions is the Grecian bend, which cants the body out of the perpendicular, and throws it forward. This, combined with the high heels of their boots, placed under the middle of the foot, throwa their arms forward as. they hurry through the street, as if about to drop on all four, or embrace the first person they meet. This accounts for the forwardness of the girls of our day. But to counterbalance this forward motion, Fashion has wisely provided her with ballast in the form ot a chignon, which may be described as an enormous excrescence protruding from the back of the head, which increases to an alarming extent the bump of self-esteem; and making the head appear as if the animal propensities predominated. Women are gregarious animals, though they seldom herd together. We have only one instance in history where they did congregate, and these were tbe Amazons, who once founded an empire on tbe banks of the river Thernmdon, in Asia Minor. But, bold as they were, they could not hold out long_ for they used to swim across the river to play with the Greek warriors, and forget to go back again; and in this manner they were all captured. Tbey may be easily distinguished from men in having no capillary appendage on the nether jaw. Sages have accounted for this by tbe fact that the constant wagging of the jaw did not allow the seed time to germinate, . . . . . . . . . Women when captured and united to men are very useful creatures, sometimes very docile, and affectionate to their keeper?, and very fond of their you* g. They are very easily domesticated, \ and will assist a man in all concerns if properly tamed. I do not know which is the best system of taming to pursue, with these, creatures, but I believe the most' difficult part of the business is in bridaling them properly. Coolness and courage is not a bit of use. I never knew a man to succeed whok-pt his wits s.bout him I believe a: man must get excited into a sprt of delirium and rush at them blindfolded, not knowing or caring wbar, h-s is at nor thinking of the after consequences, or he will never succeed. In bridaling tbem, an altap is used, and the bit is-in tfce form of & ring which is placed on the finder instead of- in the mouth. Some few of them will chafe and fume at the restraint imposed, but they are not many.