RATHER MIXED.

Clutha Leader, Volume I, Issue 8, 27 August 1874, Page 4

RATHER MIXED.

"What's the matter, Bob?'// ' "Sam, who am I?" / j « Why, you are yoursel£/Bob Harrison, ain't you?" / / » "No, far from it.' / . " Why; what's the matter ? " ■" Well, sir,.:! am so mixed up that t don't know who. l am." ."" Well, sir, what's the matter ? " " Why, Tarn married. " " Married ? Ha 1 ha t ha 1 Why, sir. you should be happy. * "Yes; but I ain't." ' * " Why, all married men are supposed to be happy." . r ■ , ■'. ■ '• . "Well, Sam, Til tell you how it is; You see, I married awidder,andthiawidderhad a daughter." ... " Oh, yes! I see how it is. You have been making love.to this' daughter." " No ! Worse than thafc "You see my father was a widower* arid 'be married this daughter, so that 'makes my, father my son-in-law, don't it ? Well, don't you see how I'm mixed up?" „ .. . ' - "Well, is thai all? 1 " , ' J/ ' "No; lorily wish it was! Don't you see my steb-daughfer is my atep-mother, ain't she ? Well, then; * her r mother is my grandmother, ain't 'she fWelli I'm married to her, ain't I ?* So that makes n^eiuy own grandfather, dosen't it ?^ v :\ . / Getting Fat."--Stealing lard. > ~\-l:^^ Not a Case of Neceßsity;~A oigar caseV The Modern .Crews Aider.— Mr. Piimaoll. " Slipper "Makers,^ People, who throw orange skins on the navenient. " - An. Intellectual Feast.— The entertainment of on idea.', . ■'"■' '•'•* ; '' Clergyman : , "Who J made f your body-, • my dear?" Favorite •? female scholar; "My mother made my^pody gjj but J made the skirt .myself." « ,. „ .* .; There was, a ; rpom,witfi^eignt ( corners. In each corner sat a cat, .before each cat eat seven other cats* and on each tail- sat a cat. How many.cats in all;?r s<l " Should cremation ever 'become adopted as a systehi, the l&preasJorif ; *(&ce;ta his ashes,'' will mean something-. '[] \< ■'J',:' -;., v» Another Sad-,;Gase^Laay ; A.* "j|ut^if^ you really we,ary;y£rtfseli '^ opera; .why do youcoriie^-^Lady :&! • >ttf -I donot cpmej^hat S^ii^^^W^tii^e dinner^till it is time'ito gt>;s omewjfierS V?',^ > : Scarcely ;a V^f^VKMafimtiio^k^e^record of some: wonderful jfJor^^JSally Brown was; rewritlyStaken^m iiana> nad'abrbken^kheeswd^a ; dislocated '&' mb takeout a^n^w>pnea\pnt &>auCsW" no w^?good:as^ver^ Jt^riiay not injure the story much to say that SailFßrowa^Ma canal -boat. - ;.-.■ ■^■ : -

We remind oar friends that Mr. Clapcott'a lecture and readings will be given, as advertised, to-night at Clinton, Tuesday at Port Molyneux, Wednesday at Waitepeka School, and on Friday the 4th September at Warepa. It is expected the Assembly will be prdrogued to-day or to-morrow. At the recent trial of the Briice Coal Company's coal in firing the locomotive at Waihola, steam was got up to 180 lbs, and in the several trips the engine went very smoothly. * It is how opposite the Horse Shoe Bush, and it is expected that in another five weeks it/will be at Milton. We understand (hat Mr Button's, .saw mill at Catlin's River has been at a stand still for the last few weeks. The other two are in full work, bnt there is a great want of a few additional, crafts to remove the timber. We call the special attention of the members of Nos 1 and 2 Companies, Clutha Rifles, to the Commanding Officer's | parades to-morrow and Saturday evenings, j As so much disappointment was felt and expressed by Major Atkinson at the small master on the occasion of his last visit, every man- and officer should make it a point lobe present this time. Mr A. D. Duncan, of Milton, having now entered upon possession of the farm lately occupied by Mr Marsh, Inch Clutha, we hear it is the intention of the settlers in the district to give him a day's ploughing next week. A meeting bf wprkirien was held at Mr. Stratford's store, Catlin's River, on Friday last for the purpose of forming a benefit society for mutual support in case of sick ness. Twenty-four members then joined the society, and it was resolved that the subscription be one shilling' a week each. The establishment of such societies testifies to the industrious habits and prudent forethought of the, members, and we trust the one at Catlin's will have a long and prosperous existence. . A Tokomairiro correspondent says the Monnt Syret Gold mine has turned ont a failure. It is said the returns will scarcely meet the expenditure, and it is expected that at next meeting of the Shareholders which is to be held Shortly, the Company will be wound tip. i. At Mr Clapcott's meeting at Kaitangata on Monday evening there was a large .attendance, many being unable to find seats. The lecturer was listened to with the greatest attention, and at the close he gave selections from some of his most popular readings,, and very successfully. Indeed we doubt if the readings ever went better. Mr Clapcott evidently knew and felt he had his audience with him, and the natnral result was that the whole affair could not have gone off better. That there Was good insurance business done we need only add that Dr Smith was occupied till past midnight in passing candidates.

A Catlin's River correspondent Writes, yesterday:— Our shipping here this week nas been very limited, on account of the prevailing S.W. winds. Yesterday the Lloyd's Herald, arrived, and is now loading tit Mr Stafford's mill. She came up with the heavy hor'-easter. ThS ketch Fanny also managed to get inside. The schooners "Jane Hannah and Janet Ramsay got blown to tbe southward, but are expected to return to-day. The schooner Isabella cleared out with the finest sample of Totara that has been shipped from this port, both regarding quality and the finest sawing. She loaded (at Stratford's mill. Farmers here are busy sowing their bats ; and the weather is all that can be desired.

At the R.M. Court, Tokomairiro, on Thursday last, in a case Ford's Trustees v. Tolcher, m which Mr Taylor appeared for plaintiff, and Mr Gooday for defendant, a verdict was given for the plainlin 7 for L 3 12s with costs. — Iti the case of Dickson v. the Manuka School Committee, and which had been before tbe Court on a previous occasion, when the plaintiff was nonsuited. Mr Taylor now submitted that a verdict should pass for defendant, on the ground that the Committee were not legally liable. His Worship took the view urged, when ultimately Mr Reid took a non-suit.

The largest fire which has been witnessed in Dnnedin for years occurred epaly on Saturday, morning in Messts tjutbrie and Larnach'a, premises, Princes - street. These, with an immense quantity of timber, machinery, &c.; were totally destroyed. The premises of Messrs Haworth and Co. and the Spanish restaurant shared a like fate, while other extensive buildings were saved with the utmost difficulty. The fire is believed lb" have originated at tbe furnace of the engines, and the flames were brigh'er than any that have hitherto been witnessed in Dunedin. Messrs Guthrie and Larnach were insured for upwards of L-20,000 • Messrs Haworth, and Gibbs and Clayton, and the Spanish Restaurant, were also insured.

Negotiations have been in progress for some time past between the local drum and fife band and the Volunteers, for tbe purpose of having the former attached to the latter. Both parties passed resolutions in favor of the object; and committees were appointed to adjnst the details. These have now been completed, and it is expected the matter will be finally settled at the meeting of Volunteers to-Dight.

In passing Mr Kilgour's shop the other day onr attention was attracted by the dimensions and inagnificenceofabride'B cake which was placed inside the window. Upon enquiry we were informed it weighed 4* 3 lbs. It was in the form of a pyramid, being built in five tiers, and was three feet "and a half high. At the base it was ornamented by a wreath of vines with clusters of grapes, each of the tiers being also very profusely and variously decorated. On the top was a chaste vase of sugar work, containing a magnificent bouquet of artificial flowers. The ring, which was concealed inside; was of pure colonial gold, instead of the brass hoop which usually is made to do service on such occasions. It is scarcely necessary to add that this 1 structure was partially dismantled id its quality ' '^ed at Balmoral y»."*-rdn-'gious serin Church tn conseweather Tuesday night the .c following .* the proceedm g£; -o^.. M'Ara, Williams, and Allan ; and Messrs!. Matthews, Mason, and Russell; and the various addresses were listened to Jrith marked attention; The services will be continued iq. the Wesleyan Church the remaining evenings bf the week:

A man named Patrick Dillon was killed on August 15, while engaged felling a tree in the Nokomai Bush. It is proposed to form an Oddfellows' Lodge at, Catlin's River. At. a meeting held at Mr. Rae's store on Saturday week, a Committee was appointed to take the necessary steps for carrying out this object. An accident took, place on the Main South Road between 1 and 2 p.m. on the 20th inst. Mr. Jos. Allan; farmer,' West Taieri; was going towards his home in a hnggy, when a waggon ran against it, and be was. thrown out on to the road, and drawn along with the buggy; Mr. Allan waYs very much bruised by the accident. — 'Evening Star.' At a meeting of the Dunedin Presbytery in the North Taieri Church on Thursday last, after a short service by DV. Stuart, the form" of call having been read, it was moved and seconded that tbe name of Mr. John Sutherland, M.A., be inserted in it. As no other person wad proposed, Mr. Sutherland was duly elected. # A fine new engine ndtned the Waverly, sister engine to the Rob Roy, has commenced plying bn the Clutha line. It has A cylinder lOjin. in diameter, and 18 in. stroke. It is fitted up with six wheels 3 ft. in diameter, all coupled. Its fittings were received a few weeks ago from Glasgow, where it wds manufactured by the wellknown firm of Messrs. Neilson and Co. This is the fifth ldcomotive at wdrk on the Clutba line. — * Guardian.' The Rev. Mr. Withey, who is now fairly settled in this district, and has come to reside amonst us, will preach in St. Mary's Church, Inch Clutha, on Sunday forenoon, and in tbe Wesleyan Church here in the evening. Mr. Withey has for some time been officiating with great acceptance at Cromwell, where he was obliged to leave through ill health. His district here will be Popotunoa (where he officiated to a large congregation last Sunday, morning and evening), Inch Clutha, and Balclutha, and much satisfaction is expressed that tbe long felt want of an English Church clergyman in this district has now been supplied. We have pleasure in calling attention to the entertainment to be given -by the Balclutha Dramatic Club in Barr's Hall on Monday evening. These entertainments have hitherto been most successful, both as regards the manner in which the pieces have been put upon the stage, and also in their having drawn very large houses. , By special request, the performances will commence with . the very amusing farce "In Possession,' 4 arid will conclude with what is termed the " screaming farce " of "Catching a Burglar." The interlude will consist of vocal and . instrumental music; and H. Clapcott, Esq., has also kindly consented to assist by giving readings from his selections from popular authors. Thus ample provision has been made for a splendid entertainment, and of which, we have no doubt the public will show their appreciation by a crowded house. No one paying a visit to Milton after a few weeks absence can fail to observe the rapid progress the township is making in the erection of buildings and otherwise. The purchasers of the fifty acres recently scld by Mr. James Smith are rapidly covering the sable with dwelling-houses, and the Town Council may anticipate heavy demands upon their revenue for the formation pf streets and footpaths in that quarter. In the main streets the vacant sections are gradually being filled up. Mr. John S. Capstick has just erected a new store next to Mr. Taylor, painter, and Mr. Badcock's new stores are likely soon to be occupied, as these, along with the dwellingbouse on the section next the Athenaeum, have now been let. The class of business to be carried Orl in these fine premises has not been divulged.

Last year Mr. P. M'Giu fenced off a paddock along the west bank of the river, adjoining Milton, and which he intended to have planted. It being too late in the season, this was delayed for a year, and the work is now being carried out. Apart from the ornamentation ot the river bank, this plantation will, in the course of a few years, fdrm an excellent shelter, not only of his own property but of a great part of the township from the cold arid prevailing winds. It is to be hoped Mr. M'Gill will complete the good work he has begun by planting a similar paddock on the opposite side of the road, and thus shelter the remaining portion of the township.

We recently had occasion to refer te the scarcity of carpenters in this district, and the consequent delay in , the erection ot contemplated buildings. There is another class, of the scarcity of which complaints are numerous : we refer to female domestic servants. Now we believe a supply of both classes is within reach: In a conversation the other day with Sergeant Smith, of Tokomairiro, who has charge bf the immigrants in the barracks there, be informed us that several carpenters have been in the barracks there for wefeks pa9t, and as yet have been unable to find employment. These brought their kits of tools with tbem from the home country, and are reported to be steady and experienced workmen. There are also a number of single women in the same establishment who, the Sergeant reports, are thoroughly well-behaved, good girls, and who are anxious to obtain situations at moderate wages. Some of them may not have had much experience, but all are anxious to learn. Those of tbem who have Obtained pit dat ions are giving entire satisfaction, and some have already been promoted to positions where thorough efficiency and trustworthiness are essential. Those who take an interest in the disengaged girls express deep regret that by the publication of the misbehavuor of a few of the v new arrivals " the whole are looked upon with suspicion, and thus an injustice is done both to them and employers. The virtuous and modest girl feels ashamed to make an effort to procure a situation in consequence of this suspicion, which she knows attaches to the whole new arrivals, and. spends the days and nights in regrets, and tears over her unfortunate position. Such, we are assured on the best authority, is tbe state of matters in the Tokomairiro barracks. Those in quest of servants need have no hesitation in making application in that quarter for them. Both the barrack master and matron know thoroughly the character of the girls, dnd their recommendation may be depended upon. We regret, that with a large section of the Press, so evident a relish is manifested in embracing every opportunity of publishing the dark side of human nature in the case of the immigrants now arriving amongst us. We confess our sympathies lean towards the other side.

f A contemporary hears that his Honor ' the Superintendent, Mr. Macandrew, has recommended the appointment qt Mr. J. L. Gillies, M.H.R., for some time editor of the ' Bruce Herald,' to the office of Secretary to the Harbor Board, at a salary of LSGO. Mr. G; E. Jones, at one time Minister of Railways in Victoria, is now showman under the celebrated Barnum, in Atoerica. He is reported to perform his duties exceedingly well. Many persons at this season of the year' .suffer from chilblains, the inconvenience arising from the excessive itching being very. great. A contemporary says that chilblains may be cured by rubbing for tea minutes every night with common brewer's yeast before a fire. The remedy is a simple one, and is Worth a trial by those who are affected, especially where, as is chiefly the* case here, the chilblains are confined to the hands. A curious find was made recently at Ararat, Victoria, by a sawmiller— nothing less than an old horse-shoe embedded in tbe heart of a solid log of greeri wood, that was in course of conversion into planks. It is supposed that the shoe, when cast, fell round a sapling, and " grew in." It had risen with the growth of the tree to a height of above five feet from the ground. In Switzerland there is a law, it is said, which compels every married couple to plant six trees immediately after the ceremony, and two on the birth of every child. They are planted on commons and near the roads, and being mostly fruit, trees; are both useful and ornamental. , The number planted amounts to 10,00*0 annually. A residerit at Wariganui informs the local paper that since the late earthquake there has been a hole, the depth of which he has been unable to fathom, in his back yard, the opening to which hole is about six inches across. It answers tbe purpose of a drain, as it carries away in an instant water which is poured into if. It is also reported that the Manawatu beach shows a marked elevation above. its former level. A little boy 1 1 years of age, living at Fitzroy, Melbourne, lately cut a dog across the face with a knife, cut it also down the back, amputated its tail, and put it to death with great torture. He was charged, at the 1 instance of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animal?, and ordered — tcbe dismissed with a caution ! At Ballarat three men have been sent to gaol for 48 bours' imprisonment for the nonpayment of certain penalties in consequence of their riot having sent their children to school the requisite number of days. They were unable to pay the fines, and hence their imprisonment. At Treritham no less than 40 summonses have been issued against heads of families for non-compliance with the compulsory clause of the Education Act. While Captain Wheeler of the Taranaki was recently ashore at Nelson an enthusiastic friend saw him, and coming up behind gave the worthy captain a friendly hug; bear fashion. There was a crack heard, ' Hullo ! old man. I've broken your watch, I'm afraid,' said the friend. ' Watch, indeed ! ribs you mean,' replied Captain Wheeler. And so it filmed out, A doctor had to be called in, who pronounced that the embrace had proved too much for ODe of the ribs on the right side. The captain is laid up for a time : meanwbilo he has special reason to re-echo the proverb, ' Save me from my friends.' " -* A Wellington contemporary cays, among things not generally known, it may be mentioned that during the March quarter of this year a^ many as 23,421 rabbit, skins were exported from Wellington, their value being L 641. Tbe only other part from which similar exports were shipped was the bluff, but there the number was only 500, valued at LlO. All the skins were originally cbllecteb in the Marlborough Province. The following is an interesting paragraph from a local contemporary : — " The body of the unfortunate lad Jones, who was drowned in the Greymouth lagoon, has not yet been recovered. To ascertain its whereabouts, on Saturday, says the ' Star,' what is known as the 'bread test' wai tried. The police floated several loaves of bread in the lagoon, in the belief that if one of them passed over the body it would stop a moment in its course . This curious custom is a relic of the dark ages, but modern science and enlightenment has not condemned it as a baseless superstition, as the experiment has often been attended with remarkable results. : In England, recently on the Mersey, after parties had dragged the fiver for a body unsuccessfully for days some loaves were floating down the stream, when one of them was observed to remain stationary and dip in one place, and on the drag being again used the body was found directly under the bread. In this case the experiment was a failure." We take the following from the ' New Zealand Times ' : — " An exceedingly pleasant social gathering was held last evening at the Panama Hotel, the occasion being a complimentary supper to Mr. Wm. SBmsbh, on his departure for Dunedin, to enter into business with Mr. Weir, of that city, under the style of Weir and Samson, glass and hardware merchants. Between 40 and 50 gentleman were present, including Mr. Turnbull, ot the firm of W. and G. Turnbull & Co., Messrs. O'Sbea, M'Dowell, Ijarcoutt, R. J. Duncan, T. M'Kenzie, T. Kennedy, Mac Donald, and many others well kn^w in business circles in tbe city. The health of Mr. Samson was drunk with enthusiasm, Mr. Turnbull bearing the most flattering testimony to Mr. Samson's abilities and wdrth, and expressing his -deep regret at that gentleman's departure from Wellington and his own employ. Mr. Samson, in responding to the very kind wishes expressed for his welfare and success, spoke of his connection with the firm of W. and G. Turnbull and Co., referring warmly to Mr. Turhbull's kindness and consideration to bis employers, and the universal esteem in which Mr. Turnbull was held by them. In addition to the usual loyal and patriotic toasts, the following were proposed and duly responded to :-— ' Mr. Turnbull and continued prosperity to the firm ' * The land we live in and its commercial interests.' * The Press,' coupled with the name of Mr. M'Kenzie. ' Messrs. Macdonald and Williams,' the promoters of the meeting., 'Mr. R. J. Duncan/ and ' The Chairman ' (Mr. O'Shea). During the evening a number of excellent songs and recitations were sung and delivered • and altogether the supper was a great success. The catering was in the hands of, L Mr. Light, and reflected the highest credit upon him."

A company is projected in Dunedin t» build a hotel which will afford first-class accommodation to tourists, travellers, and others, — capital L 25.000. We speak within limits when we say that from want of pasturage .consequent upon the late drought, hundreds of 'sheep have died from sheer and absolute starvation both iJpon tbe plains and upon, the Totara. Since the fall of rain, however, the^ green grass is fast springing, up, promising abundant feed.—' North Otago Times.'

A number of valuable horses have arrived at Melbourne. Mr. W. Learmonth returned from India by the.mail steamer, and brought with hin four Arabs. They are named Maharaj, Gift, Mistake, and Arab Child. The three first-named are greys, arid the last is a handsome bay. Maharaj is considered the pick of the four, and writing of this horse, Ali Abdoolah, .the well-known Arab dealer,rernarks :— " Hook on Maharaj as the master of all the stallions that have been sent to Australia. His blood cannot be surpassed ; his performance prove him to be one of the best horses, for all weights and distances, we »ver had. He was sent from Arabia to our great racing Persian Prince Aga Khan, to whom he was presented by one of the Arab chiefs of the Aneza tribe. His blood can be traced for 1,000 years ; he is from the same strain as the renowned Darley Arabian, whose blood made English horses what they are "